How do you to talk through the host to an insider?

Hi, credit this question from a post from Una, Wondered if it might be different from one system to another.
How do you to talk through the host to an insider? Will the host remember the question or will it be blocked? thanks.

Talking through seems to work the same for everyone. You just know the insider is in there and you address your words to that insider. My therapist does this, and I (host) feel very weird. I can feel an emotional response coming from inside. Mostly it is a sense of shock, as in whoa, she is talking to me! How does she do that?! My husband has tried to do it but he is not quite sure he knows who he is talking to, so he feels silly and shy, and it shows and somehow he does not quite get through.

Doing this has the potential to cause a full switch with the host (or other alter) losing time, so do it only with caution until you have a good feel for the person's DID system.

No matter who I'm talking to everyone else is usually listening, even if they aren't doing it intentionally or they're doing it subconsciously without actually hearing the conversation. If I want someone to hear something I either ask, "Can you go get ____ for me?" or I'll say, "You don't have to switch, but tell ______ that ________." etc. However, the few times others aren't listening when one person is in possession, I'll say, "You told me _____." and whoever is out will go, "No I didn't. That wasn't me."

For example, while he was at work last night one of them (I think it was Dante?) told me that Kim Jong Il was dead. Well, about two or three hours later when he came over my house someone told me the exact same thing. I just sort of stared at him for a moment and then told him, "You told me that earlier on the phone." "No, I didn't." "Yes, you did..." "It wasn't me, I just got here." "Then who am I talking to?" "Well, I'm not Kiddo. I don't have a stupid accent. I'm not growling at you like those two. I'm not deep dark and angsty..." "...no one in your mind is deep dark and angsty." "Jack and HIM think they are." "Gotcha." (That was my way of saying I knew who I was speaking to)

But occurrences like that are usually rare because even though Johann will forget saying something or doing something small, he isn't actually losing the time because someone else remembers and generally fills him in.

Una+ wrote:My husband has tried to do it but he is not quite sure he knows who he is talking to, so he feels silly and shy, and it shows and somehow he does not quite get through.

Now 4 months later, my husband is able sometimes to talk through me to the others. For me the subjective experience of another person talking through me is fascinating, bizarre. When someone outside talks through me into my system it feels so similar yet different to when someone inside talks through me to someone outside. Either way, I experience myself, the host, as in truth the facade that Richard Kluft writes about.

Here are some links to related threads:

The DID forum thread Not sure how to manage this began in October 2011 with Bourbon describing how her SCID-D assessment activated her alters and one little girl attached deeply to the consultant who did the assessment:

bourbon wrote:He spoke TO them. Some sentences that came out of his mouth were for their each own hearing only really. It was eerie. But I'd do anything to be back there.

In another thread begun in November 2011, my he-self communicated with T and it went badly, starting on the 3rd page several hosts described their own experiences of being talked through after SamsLand reported that the new therapist talked through:

SamsLand wrote:But I felt like he engaged most of us which was freaky. He engaged my little 3 times but my little was sad, not playful like normal. He noticed when my little came up to the front. IT was odd. He would say "what just happened there" It was perhaps the oddest most intense emotional experience I have had.

The best description of talking though that I have found so far still is in Treating dissociative identity disorder: the power of the collective heart by Sarah Y. Krakauer (2001; Taylor & Francis).

Google Books: Treating dissociative identity disorder: the power of the collective heart

It's interesting, because my kids refuse to let my T initiate conversation, not even a greeting. They trust her more than anyone else right now, but it still isn't OK for her to talk to them first. One day, at the beginning of a session, she said, "Hi, to all of you" and my kids just panicked. They will talk to her, but mostly it is through me, although sometimes it is only barely through me, if that makes sense. It seems like the more frightened they are of something else, the more they are willing to directly connect with her.

I really wish that I could figure out why they are so afraid of her talking to them. I have asked and the answer seems to have something to do with it hurting to be seen, but that isn't all of it, and I'm not even sure what to do about it hurting to be seen, except hope that over time it will hurt less. I did ask if it would help if she looked elsewhere while talking to them, but that idea upset them, because then she would be "turning her back on them." This is definitely one of those times when dealing with an internal reality just isn't logical at all!

The way I understand it, everyone in Gwen's system has cell phones and there is something being used there. Relating being co-con to being on the phone, not in the body. But there also seems to be a more subjective method. I know because if I mention someone's name, most of the time, I catch their attention, half the time I trigger them out, especially if I'm teasing them. I can just talk sometimes and I know they are listening, unless I specifically ask for the conversation to be private.

Honestly, I just get used to the fact that it seems there is always someone listening in. I use it to my advantage when I feel like teasing people. But on the other hand, we do still occasionally do that repeating stories thing. Not because they couldn't have heard, but because everyone has such short attention spans they stop listening or forget they heard.

From what I've heard, though, the House is always more stirred up than usual when I'm around because people tend to fight to come talk to me. (Which is a brilliant ego-boost, btw.) So they are probably listening more in those moments than an average one over the day.

In another thread SamsLand asked

how do you know the difference between someone talking through you to an insider versus someone saying something that just happens to resonate with an insider and grabbed their attention?

These two experiences are so different that at first I was at a loss to describe how they differ. Okay, here goes. When something going on outside catches the interest of an insider I feel the insider drawing nearer to the surface to pay closer attention and perhaps having an emotional or cognitive response. There is no sense of a channel of communication being activated.

When someone outside talks through I feel more like I do when an insider takes control to speak to an outsider. The person outside is somehow using the same channel of communication to talk through. Either way, when I am being used as the channel, when I am being talked through, I have a sensation of being possessed.

This post is intended especially for the significant others of people with DID who are unaware or have only limited awareness of their DID. Talking through is a very powerful technique for addressing the DID system as a whole, conveying valuable information to everyone inside. Also, because it addresses the system as a whole, in clients who have fusion as a goal it plays a significant role in therapy above and beyond the information communicated.

Here are some selected web links that may give you some ideas for application.

Where Did I Put My Keys? by Kathy Brody
Tools for Treating the Client as a Whole by 'Talking Through'

A major obstacle of ‘talking through’ that I encounter is when the personality who is ‘out’ during the ‘talking through’ process is an amnesic host personality who may not accept his or her diagnosis. Would you agree that talking through an unaware host to the rest of the personality system may produce strong feelings of depersonalization or passive-influence phenomena?

For example, my colleague George treated an amnesic host who became upset on a number of occasions and told him to stop it because he was causing the client discomfort. George stated, “I responded by asking the host to relax and listen quietly. Often the host will go into a trance-like state during the process of talking through and will be amnesic for much of the content. Would you agree that it is therefore worthwhile to make sure that the host has also heard the message directed to the larger system?

Thank you for posting these links. I just read this and honestly, I am just like that. It feels intensely uncomfortable and I forget what she's saying, even though I'm the one who's out because I end up just sitting there blankly and it's hard to really hear what's happening. I am aware of my system, and we are mostly co-conscious now (I lose time here and there, but not to the extent I used to) - but this really amps up the time loss instantly.

A major obstacle of ‘talking through’ that I encounter is when the personality who is ‘out’ during the ‘talking through’ process is an amnesic host personality who may not accept his or her diagnosis. Would you agree that talking through an unaware host to the rest of the personality system may produce strong feelings of depersonalization or passive-influence phenomena?

For example, my colleague George treated an amnesic host who became upset on a number of occasions and told him to stop it because he was causing the client discomfort. George stated, “I responded by asking the host to relax and listen quietly. Often the host will go into a trance-like state during the process of talking through and will be amnesic for much of the content. Would you agree that it is therefore worthwhile to make sure that the host has also heard the message directed to the larger system?

The above quote is from the link: Tools for Treating the Client as a Whole by 'Talking Through'. However, the link content appears to be heavily derived from Frank Putnam's excellent 1989 book Diagnosis and treatment of multiple personality disorder, pages 197-198:

The advantages of talking to the personality system as a whole are for the most part obvious. It saves time and energy. It addresses the patient as a whole. It fosters internal cooperation and coconsciousness, and it reaches alters that the therapist may not even suspect exist. The major problem that I have had is when the personality who is "out" during the talking-through process is an amnestic host personality who may not accept the diagnosis of MPD. Talking through an unaware host to the rest of the personality system may produce strong feelings of depersonalization or passive-influence phenomena (Kluft, 1982). On a number of occasions, an amnestic host has become upset and told me to stop it because I was causing discomfort. I respond by asking the host to relax and listen quietly. Often the host will go into a trance-like state during the process of talking through and will be amnesic for much of the content. It is usually worthwhile to make sure that the host has also heard the message directed to the larger system.