Not sure how to manage this

Hi all,

I had the SCID-D assessment last week. For the last 7 days everytime I see the assessors face (he is famous so on youtube/internet etc) or picture his face in my head I have a surge of emotion rush through me. But they're aren't just my emotions. I have a surge of everyone's emotion surge through me.

Tonight is particularly bad. I have got a thumping headache and Alice is crying inside, a lot.

We will never see this guy again. We may have contact with him over email if we run into difficulty with our new therapist, but Alice wants to talk to him like he is a dad. She has attached to him EXTREMELY quickly.

I am rubbish with attachment. Always have been. I have no idea what to do.

Bourbon

Give all your insiders a hug. It is wonderful to be validated, acknowledged. Of course some of them love him. He looked at you, talked with you, and I have no doubt your insiders knew he was aware of them. It is erie, meeting someone who is aware that way.

He spoke TO them. Some sentences that came out of his mouth were for their each own hearing only really. It was eerie. But I'd do anything to be back there.

Bourbon, I am so sorry. As you know, I can definitely relate since I just ended with my previous T.

Just an idea - please take it or leave it - but how would you feel, all of you, writing him a letter? Just thanking him for spending that time with you and working with you. You could let him know that you felt a connection if you felt comfortable doing so. But of course it's not essential. That might be a good way for everyone inside to express their gratitude toward him, and in that way their feelings of affection toward him are validated. I know letters (even just writing them, not necessarily receiving them) for me have been a great way to feel connected with people, even those whose relationship have been more of a "professional" nature.

All of your feelings are valid. It sounds like he is a very wise and caring man, and you have every right to feel a strong attachment to him!! He saw and validated each of you!! What a wonderful gift he gave you. I'm glad you were all able to have an experience and a connection such as that.

-- Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:44 pm --

Also, you have every right to feel sad and to mourn that loss of connection. It sounds like he was very special to all of you.

We did all write him an email a couple of days after the assessment. Was anxious I'd gone too far and wasn't going to get a reply but we did. A I've received your email and thank you reply.

Wonderful idea, but I don't think I can allow anyone to write to him again without those attachments strings just getting stronger?

Bourbon

bourbon wrote:He spoke TO them. Some sentences that came out of his mouth were for their each own hearing only really. It was eerie. But I'd do anything to be back there.

When he did that, did you hear his words echoing inside your head? That's what happens when my T speaks through me to my insiders. I am sure I must have that deer-in-headlights look on my face!

I wouldn't call it an echoing effect Una like you experience, but I did have the sensation that the words were being absorbed into the depths of my mind! I just have my fingers crossed that my new T will talk to the alters that way. If not, I feel I may have some angry and frustrated people on my hands.

Bourbon

Yes! You can feel the words going through you to a place inside your mind that you didn't know existed. The therapists even call this talking through the host, and it can work both ways.

Bourbon wrote:I don't think I can allow anyone to write to him again without those attachments strings just getting stronger?

Well, at least with this therapist you can be confident that he has been in this situation before and knows how to maintain appropriate boundaries. I don't know if you should shut down your insiders. You could try speaking for them, and tell him this is how they seem to be feeling and ask how you can best handle it.

When I realized certain of my insiders were attached to a man other than my husband, in fact hardly knew my husband existed, here is what I did. I spoke for them; acted on their behalf as far as I could without causing damage to myself, my husband, or the other man; let them have contact with the other man; and loved them myself. I did my best to get out in front of them and give them all the empathetic contact they longed for. Now I am (we are) feeling very much the object of their love, and fusions have begun. Is this self love? I don't know, but it seems to be a good development in my healing.

Oh yes it definitely does work both ways. Many a time Poppi or Alice has said something in appointments with my current professional and it has just felt like a string of words that has travelled from somewhere quite unknown to me. I need to get in the habit of repeating those words so the professional can hear rather than just dealing with it myself. Just another way of making sure they get heard.

I am going to have a think about writing him a further email. I think I will give it a few days and see how things are then.

That feels like a really comforting place to be in, that you describe, Una. I hope we reach that one day, I have no doubt that we will.

Bourbon