Alter in love was a mystery to me

The Wish to Meet Another Multiple

A multiple often demonstrates an approach-avoidance conflict when faced with the possibility of meeting another multiple. On one side is the wish to meet a fellow traveler, to prove that one is not alone, and to discover that other people exist who are more of an "us" than an "I." The flip side of this ambivalence is that meeting another multiple would confirm the reality of MPD.

When multiples get together, they interact as well as anyone else. Despite the incredible number of possible personality interactions between two multiples, the dynamics of their systems usually serve to bring out the most appropriate pairs of alters. Administrators will deal with their counterparts, and child alters will play together. There is often an intense initial bonding that later gives way to a more realistic relationship as the two multiples come to know each other better. One of the more difficult aspects of these relationships occurs when one multiple attempts to relate to another multiple as he or she might relate to someone without MPD. This may include covert switching or other deceptions that multiples use to conceal their multiplicity. Such behavior can produce a strong negative reaction from another multiple, who is more perceptive on this score and recognizes that the first multiple is not being "honest" with him or her.

Una, April 12, 2011 wrote:

DID Patients as Parents

DID patients have been shown to have a wide range of competence as parents—from exemplary to abusive (R. P. Kluft, 1987b). Clinicians should be aware of the potential for a DID parent to be neglectful or abusive when in particular dissociative states or because of life problems associated with this disorder (e.g., depression, fear of being assertive). Abuse and neglect can include permitting children to be exposed to abusive family members—either the DID patient’s family of origin or abusive partners—subjecting children to witnessing domestic violence or acts of self-harm, and so on.

The therapist should actively assess these issues and then offer assistance with parenting behavior. Work on the safety of the patient’s children should be an absolute priority in the adult patient’s treatment. The patient may need extensive education about how to function appropriately as a parent, including work with alternate identities who deny that they are parents and/or refuse to acknowledge the needs of their children. Patients must be encouraged to be in an adult identity state when with their children, not to switch openly in front of them, and not to regress into child identity states in order to play with them. When indicated, the children of DID patients should be assessed by a therapist familiar with dissociative disorders and indicators of child abuse. Other family interventions, such as couples therapy and family therapy sessions that include the patient’s children, may be indicated. However, caution should be exercised in determining what information is shared with minor children concerning the patient’s DID diagnosis, depending on the age of the children and their cognitive and emotional development.

At times, following state/jurisdictional law, the clinician may need to report to the authorities abuse, or possible abuse, of children by the patient, members of the patient’s current family, members of the family of origin, or extrafamilial perpetrators. The therapist should act vigorously to protect the DID patient’s children from abuse or neglect, even if this means a rupture of the therapeutic relationship. In general, having the patient make the report together with the therapist may be the most clinically helpful intervention for the patient. Whenever possible, the patient (and his or her spouse or partner) should be advised of this possibility or necessity ahead of time.

Source: International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation (2011) 'Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults, Third Revision', Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 12: 2, 115 — 187

Una, April 13, 2011 wrote:It is not necessary to be a perfect parent, but it is vitally important to be a good enough parent.

Below is a link to an online article by Peter Barach, one of the foremost researchers into DID, concerning the effects of parental dissociation and related pathology on children. Dissociation is a much broader category than DID, and not all people suffering with DID or another form of dissociative disorder will abuse or neglect their children.

http://www.peterbarach.com/MPD%20as%20an%20attachment%20disorder.htm

Una, April 13, 2011 wrote:

Onlyme wrote:Most of these studies are even written by people who have maybe seen one or two cases in their lives of DID.

The two sources I gave are by expert therapists who have treated many, many people with DID.

The original poster clearly has an axe to grind with his mother but it is not clear that her diagnosis was in any way responsible for her behavior toward him. Some people with DID have other problems as well.

Una, April 13, 2011 wrote:I agree that DID does not appear to be heritable in a genetic sense, but there is plenty of solid evidence that it can be transmitted from one generation to the next. Trauma begets trauma. Self-awareness, and intervention, goes a long, long way toward stopping the re-enactment of abuse and neglect.

Una, April 18, 2011 wrote:OP: The fact that you have not seen clear evidence of your mother's DID could mean she is making it up, or she really does have DID but your home life has been a safe environment for her.

I have DID, identified in middle age but present since childhood. My husband has not seen it, but I have experienced it. I have heard a voice in my head. I have been "flooded" with "made" memories and thoughts and feelings. I have had my body taken over in moments of extreme threat, and by an alter who spoke directly to my therapist. And DID explains several instances of strangers who insist they know me, and other peculiar events that are consistent with my having periods of absence spanning minutes or hours. I think my husband has not seen evidence of my DID simply because he is safe. I am most fully myself with him, and he does not trigger me. My husband has seen much evidence that I use various forms of dissociation to cope with all manner of severe life stresses. My DID came to light when I encountered someone who does trigger me.

Una, January 5, 2012 wrote:One of my children certainly has the ability to develop DID but as far as I know I have been a good enough mother and this child was not fragmented. We are alert to signs of trouble. The Child DES score is low. Richard Kluft's studies of DID in families suggest that the presence of just one healthy parent is a protective factor, and my husband is healthy so that is good.

I was fragmented at the hands my own parents. But I recognize that both of them are very damaged by the severe trauma (including abuse) and neglect experienced in their own childhoods. The more I look into my family history, the more horrors I find. It goes back generations, and that means it also extends laterally to first and second and perhaps also third cousins. Dozens, perhaps even hundreds of people just in my own family tree are today suffering the effects of patterns of child abuse that began generations ago.

We cannot undo the past but we can profoundly alter the future. My own children will not carry DID forward with them into their own families and if I can help it nor will their cousins.

Una, January 09, 2012 wrote:I am sure children do notice, and in the absence of direct explanations from their parents they make up theories to explain what they notice. And typically their theories do involve them being somehow responsible. So, I am open with my children about the fact that I have strange thoughts and feelings and sometimes behavior too, and to get better I spend a lot of time reading and thinking and going off to talk to a kind of doctor called a therapist. I reassure them that if sometimes I don't answer when they talk to me, I am not doing it on purpose and it isn't because they did anything wrong.

Una, May 14, 2012 wrote:[OP], many of us are not only people with DID but also children of people with DID. We do not minimize the collateral damage to families that can result from undiagnosed, untreated DID.