Need some advice, my husband is 1 of 9 and we have two Kids

First, I am not Multiple. I have issues of my own, but I am more concerned with helping my husband cope through the stress of a crappy work environment (and finding a new job), the aggravation of the Terrible two's (our oldest daughter just turned two and is being defiant on everything) and the joy of our youngest Daughter learning to crawl (6 months old).

He has a support group he has gotten pretty involed with but when I try to talk to them I don't always think they get my angle of the situation (no other parents in the group he is in). I noticed that there are a few parents here and was wondering if you guys had any advice.

side notes:
he is terrified that his instability will cause one or both of the girls to develop DID...

I was scared to leave the girls with him for a while as one of his alters is self-destructive but when it was mentioned in his group the alter told me that the main rule of the group also holds true for our family I stopped worrying (not one hurts the little ones)...

I am a Hugger and my own faults and insecurities are amplified when I have to leave them alone. Worst of all his child alter, he does not like to be touched but I am allowed to hold him when he is having a bad dream and help him back to sleep...

He has just reached the point where something has to be done. (meds, therapy, counseling) as it is reaching a noticeable breaking point both at work and home. I don't know what to say to be supportive and not have everyone flip out at me thinking that I am pushing them into a psychiatrist's office...

I ramble. a lot...


Any advice you have is appreciated...

Hi

this might help you out.

The significant others thread
http://www.psychforums.com/post1020017.html?hilit=Significant%20others#p1020017 -Barry

Hi, I am called Dovey by my husband, though he doesnt have DID like I do, (( for what we know )) he has a personality disorder and I have DID and I dont like to be touche or anything like that, though its rare that I shall allow some type of touch, very rare indeed. But I allow my husband too. And as for the kids, well try to hug a stuff toy of something like that in order to resit holding the people dont dont want to be hold at the moment, we like being talked to most times, so just talk to us in a understanding, loving and concern voice. Let us just know your there even at times I know its very hard to get to us, cause we dont want to be near anyone or we just want to know and make sure you are truely worried and stuff like that.

dont worry I ranbol a lot too ^-^ so I hope this was at least the littlest bit useful.

† Tainted Dove †

1-12 wrote:he is terrified that his instability will cause one or both of the girls to develop DID...

That was my worry too, but as far as I can tell my kids are healthy. The most important thing is that you and your husband are aware of this risk, and know not to minimize, deny, or conceal any trauma that may occur.

1-12 wrote:the alter told me that the main rule of the group also holds true for our family I stopped worrying (not one hurts the little ones)...

That is a good start, but it is not enough. The rule needs to include no self-harming and no him harming you (the kid's mother).

1-12 wrote:He has just reached the point where something has to be done. (meds, therapy, counseling) as it is reaching a noticeable breaking point both at work and home. I don't know what to say to be supportive and not have everyone flip out at me thinking that I am pushing them into a psychiatrist's office...

I would consult a clinical psychologist or a counselor, not a psychiatrist. It is very common for people with DID to experience a crisis when our children reach the age that we were when we were abused. There are some good self-help books about grounding and safety; it sounds like that may be what he needs right now. Does his support group have a trained leader? What other things is he doing to help himself?

these threads might be helpful to both you and him.


this thread has resource websites (that i think do a good job explaining stuff) and organized threads from this forum that talk about discovery experiences, communicating with alters, common questions, working with alters, all about alters, conflicts within the system, relationship stuff, doubt/denial issues, therapy issues, how to help alters safely express themselves, and much more:
-- DDNOS/DID Resources: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html


this thread is mostly about the "causes" of DID, DID development, switching/co-consciousness/co-hosting (what they are and can be like), doubt/denial, and has a couple really good threads about communicating/accepting/understanding/working with alters:
-- For all who question how they have DID/think their's is odd: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic104081.html


i hope you find this place helpful to you.


- cassie (age ?)

Thanks for the links and advice, it's not just us now, My best friend is finally starting to trust me enough to open up as well; to the tune of 3 alters and (maybe) a fragment. I will pass the significant other link to her as well, for her husband.

That is a good start, but it is not enough. The rule needs to include no self-harming and no him harming you (the kid's mother).

That's what we are working on, D is the Self destructive one, he want's the system to end. His counterpart in the system Ay (female) she just love to destroy my husbands things. In the past few months she has backed off, but it's a constant battle to keep after her. She is the Dark protector.

While I am at it:
K is the ISH Protector, like a grandmother, but some where in her 30's
E is the little one he is about 6
Al is the newest she is pushy, but she is the professional manager, handles conflict at work.
G is the one that got them through High school, smart, doesn't come out often/
S is the party animal, a pain in the butt a lot but easy to keep in line.
B never comes out.
and my husband makes nine