Rules for alters and intro.

Do I need to give a TW for language? If so, there is one. I don't really know how this works.

What do you do about rules? I mean, we don't have any actual rules in place that I know about (pretty sure it's because no one thought I was actually different and not just the host pretending), but I do know that the host isn't a huge fan of my behaviour. And I sort of end up watching/half-feeling/whatever the after-effects. And there's this new T who keeps asking her questions about the $#%^ I do, and since it isn't always clear that we aren't the same people she's sitting there trying to explain but it's all wrong, since we don't think the same way. She thinks there has to be all these deep profound reasons, but I'm just really ######6 bored. It ain't that complicated.

I know what I want to do, and I don't see the big deal, but like, should I "hold back" or whatever? I'm cool with that, but usually once I get going and absorbed in my own stuff, I don't really remember that I'm sharing with anyone else and just go full-tilt like anyone would when they're just doing their own thing. How do you even remember that you're sharing?

I don't get out much and it sucks. The host has all these crazy ass control issues and it's a bitch to get through, even when I'm pretty sure we both want it. Like now I'm only even here because she triggered me out on purpose (certain fictional characters that remind her of me/music that I like does it, I guess). I get that we have to share and $#%^, and that's cool, but when I'm out this whole co-conscious or whatever it is that's happening right now gets cut off and then it's just me. And when it's just me, it's like the reigns or whatever are gone and I just go for it without thinking and then $#%^ gets bad.

I don't even really know what my question is, actually. I'm pretty sure she put me here to like half explain through me and I don't really know everything that's going on. So, whatever, this is my introduction or something then.

--A.

Hello, hello, hello!, first of all. Nice of you to grace us with your presence. (No, I don't mean anything by that, I'm just a joker is all).

Well, let's get right to the issue first, socialize later, shall we? Serious mode activated!

(Oh, and typically, yes, there are TW's put up for foul language).

Personally, I don't like the word "rules". I prefer "guidelines", because absolutes don't really work well with multiples/systems, and the only way for sh*t to work well is compromising. However, compromising needs to be done on both sides for it to be fair and work well. The host needs to compromise with allowing you (reasonable) freedoms, and you need to compromise to remain within certain boundaries (For example, single alters can't just run around completely free if the host is in a relationship. The host can agree to allow the alters to have breaks, flings, date the same person the host is dating, etc., but the alter has to agree to stay within the guidelines of their freedom. Both sides must compromise; adapting the mindset of "something is better than nothing" doesn't hurt, either).

Why not try writing out what you'd like to do, what you like, sh*t like that, and explaining why you don't see how it's a big deal. Then the host can write out their explanation of how it's a big deal to them and can write about what things they'd be willing to discuss further for compromises, and what things they aren't comfortable with at all/would prefer that you didn't do. This way, you both can come to an understanding together and come up with a solution that works for both of you.

Here's some threads that might be helpful to you and your host:
How to create boundaries: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic98867.html
Does anyone know? (deals with how hosts/alters can stay out of each other's way): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic99341.html
Blocking a Bad Alter (not saying you're a bad alter, but it deals with how blocking an alter out isn't a solution and such): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101666.html
I just don't give a f*#k *TW Whatever* (this deals with conflicts of interests between alters/hosts): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100425.html


Hope this helps, and hope you're able to work out something between you two.

~The Hawk

Boxling, You dont need to have a question to post. Okay so Th e compromise thing is big with me and her. For the most part I have learned to show her respect and compromise. In turn she has been respectin me and givin me more say In what goes on. I didn't lose myself ,I have my own way of doing things and wha tI like to do. Oh and huge age difference. I am able to act my age(18) and she hers (49). We are the main runners of the Hall where we live. There are a couple more, that we TRY to be nice to them without losing ourselves. Luckily they are 18 as well , yet we all kinda think we are the mature ones in the hall. IT is kinda of a f'kn joke. Oh well. I have been trying to respect our T. I see him as ours now. He is cool really. He was good to me even when I treated him or even her or anyone like sh*t. My chilliin out gives me more chances to be mysef and be up front.
Getting lost while sharing... oh Fu'k that is US!!!
We are listeing to MY cd at this time. I play it whenever I can. She thinks it is a bad influence, BUT since I respect her sh*t she respects mine . I woudl rather have compromise than being a sh*t head cause then i get to com e out more.... I still wan t to say f'ck off. And I do. But we really do try to compromise . Cause she can say settle down for a while so yo have energy to keep a going. She can analyze me all she wants that is HER issue, not mine. I think BLA BLA BLA whatever. WE both think each of us is scummy. so we agree there. Ha. Tha t is who I am a nd tough sh*t , she isnt an angel either. I am so gald we have the hall, it woould be f'kin lonely if I didnt have anyone to fight with or treat special . I try to protect the little ones, though not every one likes all of my ways of doing that.
We are actually here together at this moment...well she moved jsut behind me.. She started the post and i said move over sweetie I am driving this bus. What did you say again..oh yeah go for it I am tired she said.
Hey , cool you introduced yourself here. Iam not giving you advice...jsut tellin ya wha t we thought. Oh another is here too.
BYE
3 pardoves dianezz

Welcome here. I'm short on time, but I wanted to welcome you all the same