Girlfriend explained to me that she has Alters

Welcome here!

Yup, sounds like DID to me too Being able to switch is just a sign that she has good communication with her alters. That's great We can switch at will often, but not always. It depends on the situation, if the other person wants to come out etc. So that's totally "normal" with DID I'm glad you're so supportive of your girlfriend.

Feel free to come back here and ask more questions if you feel like it.
Best of luck to the both of you

UPDATE: This morning she came to visit me before work, like she always does (:, and we got to have a long discussion about her alters. She's still a little hesitant about telling me specifics about each one, and I understand that. I didn't ask her specific questions, about why they are there (I read that's a big No-No), and I certainly didn't pressure her.
I reassured her that we are going to take this at the pace that she wants, and that I'm only going to bring it up if she does, or if I can see that she's a threat to herself or others (and I highly doubt that last part).

She talked to me about Kymera. She said Kymera really enjoyed my company and is just 'exploring [me], like a cat would'.
She told me that Kymera rarely comes out around people and when she did, she got hurt (from her previous boyfriend). Kymera can get really attached to someone, and I know and understand how fragile this make the situation. I can honestly see myself spending my life with my girlfriend [and for obvious reasons is remaining anonymous], so I plan on getting to know Kymera more.
I understand now how fragile this is, and I can honestly say that if I didn't plan on being with her, I would tell her this very second.
I promised her this morning, and countless other times, that I won't hurt her. I know that it is going to be hard for her to believe me (because so many other people have lied), but I will prove it to her. That is all anyone in this world can do to earn trust, right?

I asked her about her other alters. Especially her protector; Jade. I misspoke in the last post on here, because Jade is actually female. My girlfriend told me that Jade doesn't want to let me close. I told her I understand that she doesn't because Jade isn't there to trust anyone. Jade is there to make sure my girlfriend doesn't get hurt. I know that I will never, or take many years to, earn Jade's trust, but I will continue to show her my devotion and love.

I also made the point (as suggested in the SO's guide to DID, that someone was so generous to provide to me) to tell her that I will only make love to her, and not to any of her alters. She agreed, however I will be making she that all the alters also agree. My girlfriend has very good control over them and is co-conscious will all, except when Jade is out. Jade and I are going to have a long talk one day. I informed my girlfriend about that and she is hesitant because she doesn't want Jade to say anything that will hurt me, but I assured her that I'm still going to love her because Jade is looking out for her, just as I am.

-- Fri Nov 16, 2012 11:05 am --

lifelongthing wrote:Welcome here!

Yup, sounds like DID to me too Being able to switch is just a sign that she has good communication with her alters. That's great We can switch at will often, but not always. It depends on the situation, if the other person wants to come out etc. So that's totally "normal" with DID I'm glad you're so supportive of your girlfriend.

Feel free to come back here and ask more questions if you feel like it.
Best of luck to the both of you

Thank you for that warm welcome

I know that I am going to be with her for a very long time. Hopefully for the rest of my life.
I find DID fascinating, and I would like to apologize if my fascination comes off as me looking for some wacky science experiment, because I assure everyone on here that is not what I want.
I just want to be able to help my girlfriend when and if she needs it.
I'm glad that she is able to switch and has good control over them. Knowing that she's not going to switch involuntarily (unless threatened) gives me great comfort.
I love her just the same as the day we shared our feelings for each other, and I'll continue to support her.

That is all anyone in this world can do to earn trust, right?

It absolutely is. Being there and showing you are sincere is all you can do. In the end they will see that

(I find it funny that M - our cat/panther alter - came out after I read this to cuddle with my SO )

as suggested in the SO's guide to DID, that someone was so generous to provide to me

I have that same guide saved on my computer. I show it to people who ask questions about the DID and especially (potential) boy/girlfriends of DIDers. It's very helpful, indeed.

that I'm still going to love her because Jade is looking out for her, just as I am.

That's it right there. That's why we questions and are cautious. We're just tryin' to keep everyone safe is all. It's not like that's been such a small job either. Glad you respect Jade for it

We're happy to have you here and don't worry about how you're perceived. You sounds like a wonderfully supportive SO to me I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have, if I could help

Best of luck!

lifelongthing wrote:

That is all anyone in this world can do to earn trust, right?

It absolutely is. Being there and showing you are sincere is all you can do. In the end they will see that

(I find it funny that M - our cat/panther alter - came out after I read this to cuddle with my SO )

as suggested in the SO's guide to DID, that someone was so generous to provide to me

I have that same guide saved on my computer. I show it to people who ask questions about the DID and especially (potential) boy/girlfriends of DIDers. It's very helpful, indeed.

that I'm still going to love her because Jade is looking out for her, just as I am.

That's it right there. That's why we questions and are cautious. We're just tryin' to keep everyone safe is all. It's not like that's been such a small job either. Glad you respect Jade for it

Protecting her could not have been an easy job. I know some of what she went through and I wish I could take it all away.
I hope everyday that Jade will learn that I am one that can be trusted, but either she will, and she'll learn to live with me there because I'm not going anywhere.
Everyone on here is so nice and welcoming. It's very refreshing to meet such a small, yet amazing group of people.
Lol, I read in the SO Guide that I am called a 'Singleton'. I love that.
When there are jokes publicly displayed on Forum and everyone can laugh about it, really shows something about everyone. I feel very welcomed here and I'd like to thank you, and everyone who responded here.

I am treading carefully and I tend to one person in her life that she'll learn to trust

We're happy to have you here and don't worry about how you're perceived. You sounds like a wonderfully supportive SO to me I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have, if I could help

Best of luck!

Protecting her could not have been an easy job. I know some of what she went through and I wish I could take it all away.
I hope everyday that Jade will learn that I am one that can be trusted, but either she will, and she'll learn to live with me there because I'm not going anywhere.
Everyone on here is so nice and welcoming. It's very refreshing to meet such a small, yet amazing group of people.
Lol, I read in the SO Guide that I am called a 'Singleton'. I love that.
When there are jokes publicly displayed on Forum and everyone can laugh about it, really shows something about everyone. I feel very welcomed here and I'd like to thank you, and everyone who responded here.

I am treading carefully and I tend to one person in her life that she'll learn to trust

I'm glad you're staying with her and remaining a safe person for her

You are indeed Most of us in our system calls our girlfriend a singleton. Except Frankie who thinks she's a part of our system (Frankie's 3 years old and gets confused about the whole DID thing). Humor is such an important thing to have in a life with DID. It can be tough, but with humor a lot of it gets easier.

This really is such a friendly and supportive place. I am so happy to be here and I could only dream of giving back to this community after everything I've been given here. Having this place has been such an amazing platform for us in our healing and has been so important for us. So you've definitely found a good place to be You could tell your SO too that she's welcome here to talk with any of us

There's really only one thing I wanted to comment on (I'm super fuzzy right now, so I hope it makes sense).

As far as the making love goes, it's quite common for people to let their alters date and be with their significant others as well. Right now, I'm dating my boyfriend, Rain's dating our boyfriend, and so is Ray (her age is listed as ten, but she's half dog and has a dog mindset, so she's mature). Kat used to be dating him, until she realized she still loved an ex and wanted to be single while she processed that and actually got over him instead of just burying everything.

It all depends on what's comfortable for you, for the host, and for everyone in the system, and everyone's different.

I'm mainly bringing this up because sometimes, alters who are old enough to have relationships can start to feel alone and unloved, and they can view it as extremely unfair that the host gets to have a relationship and they do not. This is where courting and dating other alters can come in handy, because if they like you as well, that solves their desire for a relationship and leaves out the conflict of them wanting someone else.

However, that conflict is very real, and can be dealt with in different ways. Again, all depends on the system, and everyone's different.
For my system, not everyone likes my boyfriend romantically. A couple don't like him at all. For the ones that don't like him romantically, there's been cheating problems in the past because they don't see any reason why they should have to act "taken" when they're single and they don't want to be with my boyfriend anyway. So, my boyfriend and I came up with this solution, and so far it's worked very well:
Any alter who is not in a relationship with my boyfriend can have "breaks". This is a time period of anywhere from 1 week, up to 3 months, where they can be a little more free than usual. To earn this break, of course there must be trust built up and no "game over" rules are broken (we call the rules that should never be broken "game over" rules because if you break them, you lose major privilages, such as being let "out" for a time period).
During this break, there is a "don't ask, don't tell" policy between alters on break and my boyfriend. It means my boyfriend won't ask what they're up to, and they're not to tell him (including bragging, or bringing anything up during a fight, etc). However, if my boyfriend does ask them anything about their break, they're to answer honestly. (Lying is breaking the rules, and lies are always found out).
Rules of the break include: Telling me or Mike about new interests so that there's no strangers and no strange phone numbers in my phone or anything like that. Getting new interests approved, either by me or Kat (she's a protector with good judgement), or even Marie (like a mix of a protector and caretaker). Practicing safe sex. Only having non-serious relationships such as flings, friend with benefits, etc. There are no true, serious relationships allowed (for obvious complication reasons). They cannot lie to anyone about their situation- they don't have to tell them about the DID, but they can't say that they're single, and they have to make it clear they're looking for non-serious stuff, etc. They must still respect the fact that some of us are in a relationship with our boyfriend, and that any plans concerning that relationship comes first (like a date night). (I think you get the picture by now).

In order to earn one of these breaks, alters have to build up trust by doing stuff such as not breaking any of the regular rules, not being out of control (doing whatever they want, when they want), not being difficult (like not fighting an alter that's there to look after them until they build trust, such as a protector alter), etc.


Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there's many different ways of handling relationship stuff with DID systems. It just all depends on the host, the alters, and what's comfortable for all of you.

-Cassandra

tomboy24 wrote:As far as the making love goes, it's quite common for people to let their alters date and be with their significant others as well. Right now, I'm dating my boyfriend, Rain's dating our boyfriend, and so is Ray (her age is listed as ten, but she's half dog and has a dog mindset, so she's mature). Kat used to be dating him, until she realized she still loved an ex and wanted to be single while she processed that and actually got over him instead of just burying everything.

It all depends on what's comfortable for you, for the host, and for everyone in the system, and everyone's different.

I just wanted to reinforce this idea. My husband is very fearful of me cheating on him, even if it's just my body doing it. Especially since I have an alter that really likes sex stuff and if given the opportunity would sleep with someone else. So even though I wasn't too keen on the idea, we had to set up an arrangement where he can be intimate with my alters. So it's agreed he can sleep with Rachelle and if the others warm up to him that way (which it's looking like Theresa is, seeing how he's been the only one ever nice to her) he can at least fool around with them.

So, yeah, every arrangement is different and it may even evolve over time into something it isn't today. So if it looks like it's going to change from your initial agreement just try to go with the flow.

**POSSIBLE TRIGGER MENTIONED**

Thank you all for the wonderful responces. Learning about all this and living with my girlfriend has been becoming easier and easier. With all your help, the information I'm learning online, and above all, having her be able to tell me how she and her alters feel about me.
She is very good with co-conciousness and controlling them. She tells me that she has great communication with them, and the only alter that seems to have a problem with letting me close is Jade, her protector, which I totally understand.
I explained earlier that I understand Jade isn't there to trust anyone, Just to make sure that my girlfriend is safe.
Jade is the one that she has a hard time controlling, and I actually find that to be a good thing. Jade only comes out when my girlfriend is threathened or very frightened. I have yet to meet Jade, however Jade has agreed to come out when my girlfriend wants her to so I may talk with her.
That is something that I can not wait to do. I know Jade my say something like 'I just don't like you', or 'You're just going to hurt us all again'.
I am prepared for that, and I am not going to hold that against my girlfriend.

I love my girlfriend more and more everyday.

I had asked her if I had ever made love with one of her alters and she told me never. Which I am so happy about.
I don't think it would create a barrier between us.
*POSSIBLE TRIGGER*
The only thing I am worried about is if she was .. well, you know, when she was a child.

>> I don't know anything about her childhood, because I refuse to ask unless she brings it up. I don't know what happened to her and I know I won't, no matter how concerned I am, ask her first.

I know some people have alters that strickly deal with sex because of such, and I don't want her to have to bring out an alter everytime we have sex.

NightFox819 wrote:I know some people have alters that strickly deal with sex because of such, and I don't want her to have to bring out an alter everytime we have sex.

Even if she does end up having an alter that likes sex or is a full blown sex addict (which could or could not be from something in her childhood like what you mentioned, at least from what I assume) it won't necessarily mean it will have to come out when you have sex, especially if your girlfriend really trusts you. I'm there for about 90% of my husband and I's sex, even though I have Rachelle as an alter.

wronglesson wrote:

NightFox819 wrote:I know some people have alters that strickly deal with sex because of such, and I don't want her to have to bring out an alter everytime we have sex.

Even if she does end up having an alter that likes sex or is a full blown sex addict (which could or could not be from something in her childhood like what you mentioned, at least from what I assume) it won't necessarily mean it will have to come out when you have sex, especially if your girlfriend really trusts you. I'm there for about 90% of my husband and I's sex, even though I have Rachelle as an alter.

She says she does trust me and I believe that.
I just wouldn't want to do anything to trigger her to switch to an alter that deals with that, and not for pleasure, but because she feels helpless. I'm trying to be vague as possible here, while trying to get my message across because of Triggers.
If you've read my earlier posts you'd see that I am a singleton and am very new to DID, so I don't know how specific Triggers have to be. I'm just being careful.