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ridingthewtfbus
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How does an injury like this ever heal?
   Fri May 13, 2016 6:50 pm

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C'est la vie sweetie

Permanent Linkby ridingthewtfbus on Wed May 27, 2015 9:39 pm

It was definitely THE worst point in my life (so far). Breakups suck in general, but it felt infinitely worse with my innocent helpless children involved in the clusterf_ck she unilaterally initiated. I'm thoroughly convinced based on my experience with her and her psych evaluation that it was all due to mental illness.

The good news is you WILL come out of this a much stronger individual. Part of the closure you will most likely have to reach on your own, will be realizing that you're left with more than just pain. You're left with the knowledge that you consistently put forth more effort into the relationship. You're left with the knowledge that you told the truth. You're left with knowing throughout your heart and soul that you did everything you could to save it. You will be able to look yourself in the mirror without guilt, knowing that you are just one person and you handled that one person's business to the best of your ability....... It took me quite a while to reach this milestone.... I couldn't seem to stop kicking myself for not doing more. But there really is only so much you can do, especially when a cluster B mental disorder is involved. Sadly, their soul is a bucket with a gaping hole in it. And they expect others to fill it because they don't know how. Until they realize they are responsible for their own happiness, it's the people closest to them who are held accountable.... She no longer appreciates everything you did for her because your attention supply has been devalued. And after we're devalued the past means nothing.... now we are simply expected to suffer their wrath and pay all the consequences. What did we do wrong? We failed to achieve the impossible task of convincing her to love herself and fill her own bucket. Normal people consider the impact of major decisions like ending a marriage, and how it will effect their children. In my ex's case, I truly believe the children are simply "mini-me's". If she hates me and doesn't want to be around me, then the children must feel the same way (in her delusional mind). I know better. I know the children know their daddy loves them more than anything. I can't be her rock anymore, but I will still be theirs. I will be loving and strong for them no matter how massive her smear campaign becomes.

Do whatever you can to take care of yourself during this time. Start a gym membership, jog, bike riding, sports, lean on friends and family for support. There is light at the end of the tunnel. One day at a time, man.

And consider this... How sad would it be to live in her shoes? ....in a fantasy world for decades, completely unaware YOUR disordered brain has forced you to endure repeated relationship failures? And then one day in your 40's or 50's or 60's (or never), long after the child support has stopped and the children can't get far enough away from you, another relationship fails and you've hit rock bottom, yet again for the billionth time.... and then miraculously the thought actually hits you.... What if it really IS me? Now you're old, poor, alone, and powerless. You've literally wasted a lifetime throwing genuinely awesome people out of your life like garbage, one after the other, over and over again.... And none of them want you back. C'est la vie, sweetie.

I'd much rather be sane and free :lol:

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