Reasons why a father would molest his daughter

I'll never know why he did probably won't ever. I'm assuming its a mental illness or he's just disgusting. Why did he do those acts to me when I was younger it started at 11. What triggered him?

I think we all want to know why the things that happened to us happened.... I suppose there could be a million reason why from nature to nurture, but at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. There is NOT a single damn good reason for that to have ever happened to you or anyone. You didn't deserve it, and now it can't be taken back. I really hope that you are able to find some peace outside of him, to move past him and his despicable, cowardly, miserable actions. You deserve so much more...

I don't know. Some of the authors I've read say it's them seeking control and power. It is sick and despicable, and not once ounce of it is your fault.

In my case, my father experienced abuse as a child. He was physically abused by his father and he witnessed domestic violence. I think power and control issues also come into it. I suppose it would be different for everyone. Either way it's not right and not your fault.

Why? As many will tell you that there can be a number of reasons. But not even one of them can be a good reason. Abused becoming abuser is a worst thing, it is an excuse, because many abusers will tell u that they were never abused, instead a spoiled kid.

U didnt deserve this, u didnt ask for it, u were abused and a victim.

But now is the time to heal.

I used to attempt to excuse my perpetrators by assigning them mental illnesses because it made me feel better to have some justification of why they would do what they did (besides assigning the blame to myself since I don't actually know why they did it). Eventually, I came to the conclusion that there was nothing wrong with me, it was not my fault that it happened, and that NOTHING could excuse the fact that they did that to me. I want you to know that it is never the victims fault. It was not your fault. You are strong, you will overcome. xxx

Sometimes people repeat what they know, whats happened to them when little. why is it a parent who,s an alchoholic has children who drink and turn out the same? Ever have sex with your best friends boy /girl friend and realize the sex was good BECAUSE it was a little dangerous AND it was wrong? Dangerous adds extra excitement and wrong makes you want it all the more so. I have two Step daughters and the thought has more than crossed my mind. My oldest stepdaughter had sex w/both her cousins and I tallked with her about it ,was concerned. She was also doing things with this girl who was a socalled friend. My oldest girl was so innocent looking , I never knew untill I intercepted some letters from her. Good lored! She asked me if I was going to tell her mom, did I have to? She said it was just sex with her cousins. Smiled and asked was I jealous? Let me know I could have some if I wanted! I was floored. She had read my mind! Knew it was wrong and yes wanted it anyway! But I knew better, 17 will get you how many years? I was raised with incest and refused to pass that along. I am glad I was strong enough to say no. My daughter is now 34, married and NORMAL. I stopped that cycle? hope so! Love covers a multitude of sins.

Hugs to you, been where you are. Now it doesn't matter.

First it's wrong, no matter what. Personally I think it may begin as a curiousity. our society is puritanical, based on religion that believes sex is bad except for in marriage. The mentality that its bad makes people hide. it's only ok if you are married, really? we are sexual beings, making things off limits sets up secrets and hiding for something that is very primal. With me, I cannot actually remember it. It is a sense. but I think men especially men that have been emasculated or molested or shamed may find the opportunity of having their own child to look at or touch may begin as a curiousity that turns into improper touching and desire they choose not to stop even when they know they should. Then it happens again, and again. They know it is wrong the fear they feel transfers to the child. then it is really all over. How does a child that cannot talk deal with this feeling. what is the feeling? the sense of anxiety and fear? In my experience the child, me. takes it on... is obsessed with figuring out why things happen. Did it happen? why can't I remember him doing anything? I feel it. At one point had an obsession with watching movies of women being abused, Lifetime channel?? at the time was married. I became enraged a man could do 'that' to a woman without her permission...mad, then crying. My husband was like, it's just a movie...I wanted to punish that man. Created scenarios in my head of how I could control my father if he was helpless, humiliate him etc. Finally after a long time my therapist said it was possible to not remember. Then I heard the comments, how could you not remember?? I don't friggn know! Then the societal comments of false memories, then the doubt. Interesting though if someone is in a car accident or is witness to a horrible act, no one says 'how can you not remember?' or if you feel scared near an accident scene no one says why does that bother you... ironic. our society is so afraid to admit it happens they actually shame people who've been abused, but would never shame an accident victim or someone who was a victim of another form of violence. This is part of my belief of the puritanical thinking and inability of so many to acknowledge sexual abuse happens and don't try to answer the question of why it happens as a result. It makes all the bad feelings about yourself even harder to cope with. the sense, that it is I that is me who is messed up... for thinking, feeling something happened to me. well I am, (messed up) but not because I believe I was molested and cannot remember the act(s) only remember fear, but because I was molested and the fear won't let me remember to give my self the surety, I'm not making something up. How could I have so many problems for no reason??? so many questions, so little time.

I think this too. My husband was abused my his sister, and he rationalises it by saying {most likely correctly but we dont know unless we ask-which we will never do} that he thinks his dad abused her and she in turn acted the abuse out on him. He also says he remembers his grandfather as a mean old man, so maybe he was also abused by his dad. The cycle of abuse that I read about.

To I dontknowwhy, its really interesting what you say about shame. my husband says he doesnt rememeber and I am sorry to say I think in my head 'why cant you remember'. I feel awful now as you are right that this happens with people all the time in car accidents.

Abuse is so so horrible. Im starting to realise there is no answers but that doesnt stop us searching.