by playd92 » Sun Jul 05, 2015 3:22 am
Let me start this by saying I'm not one to go to these kind of websites and set up an account and hooplah. I just want someone to know my story. To hear what I've had to say and feel. To know the truth.
I am a 22 year old female. I've got three kids, still technically married although separated and it appears I'm your average young adult. I wish I could say that were true. I've been accused and arrested on three counts of rape of a child in the third degree. That sounds absolutely horrific. Notice I didn't say charged, we'll get to that.
I had my first child at 15. I wasn't ready to be a mom but I loved my son, the only way I knew how. Which, in my own opinion, I could've been a better mom but I wasn't a bad mom. No, I never molested or raped any of my children. And I certainly would never let anyone else for that matter. I had my second child at 17. I know guys, I was a slut. Me and my second child's dad, mike got together started a life together and so on.
At the time, I hadn't talked to my dad in two years. He got married to my stepmother, dawn and she went psycho on my whole family and my dad had a choice between her and my sister's and I and he chose her and just dipped.
Things weren't working out well at home and I contacted my dad who at the time was living in Hawaii with dawn. He promised mike and I that if we moved to Hawaii he would help us get into our own place, help with the kids and give me his gi bill so I could start school. Well, three months after moving there, nothing happened. I wanted to go back to the states with my first child's father who had just gotten out of prison for stupid stuff. Genius right? I asked my step mother if she could keep my second child for a month so I could move back to the states with my first child and introduce him to his dad and get a job and get set up....while I was stating a new life in Ohio, my step mom filed for guardianship over my daughter on the grounds I was prostituting myself and doing drugs. A few thousand dollars spent on flying back to Hawaii and a lawyer, and I lost custody of my daughter to her dad on the terms mike stay with my dad and step mom. Oh did I not mention that? Yeah when my step mom and daughters father were fighting me in court, she offered him a free place to stay...weird right? Mike ended up leaving her in Hawaii and came back to the states. I was married by now and living on base. Me and mike had separate house inspections. I passed mind with flying colors and mike didn't get any good marks. Before the judge was able to read the reports saying I was better suited for my daughter, my step mom and dad just flew her to her dad and left. Mike had my daughter for days before I found out. Put a bookmark here.
After that of course me and my dad didn't talk for another few years but I still had my son who was four at the time with me. Me and dad talk again after a few years and he promises me the same thing, help, school, love. I was always a daddy's girl and it crushed me every time he walked away and I kept chasing him hoping my dad would cone back to me. I talked to him on a Friday and by Wednesday morning my husband, my son and I were on a flight to Washington state where my dad was to get a "fresh start" I wanted to forgive him and believe him so bad.
We get here, dad deploys, leaving me here with son husband step mom and step brother who was 14. My husband leaves me because it was a toxic relationship. And no it wasn't just me. Anyways, I start dating. Too much. My step mom kicks me out her house and I go to my boyfriend of a weeks house since I didn't have anywhere else to go. I wanted to get my son out of her house but she refused to give him back so I had to call the police and I eventually got him and took him to my befriends house. That lasted one night before my mom told me to take him back to dawn since I couldn't offer him and stability or financial security. It was all downhill from there.
I managed to find a room for rent and one time when my son was over visiting, I saw a bruise on his back and didn't think nothing of it. Next thing I know cps is at my door because "someone" called them saying I abused my son. Take a wild guess who that was? If you guessed the step mom, you're right. Dawn made a wild story about me abusing my son. The investigation was in place.
When I was a kid 14 I had sex with my soon to be step brother 14. Dawns son. I toolf my roommate that but what I didn't tell her was that my step mom already knew. My roommate found out I was with a guy she liked and she texted my step mom saying I had sex with her fourteen year old son. I don't know if my roommate had it wrong or if my step mom took it wrong in purpose but either way, a day later, I was sitting with a detective and being taken into custody for the first time in my life.
Arrested on charges of rape of a child.
I had no priors. Except a petty larceny charge I got when I was a kid. I had no one to call to bail me out. Even if I was released, no where to go. I sat in jail for six months. Dawn got her then 14 year old son (not the I've I had sex with years before) to play along and he claimed we had sex three different times and that I basically forced him to have sex with me. Yup.
The original charges were the rape of a child third degree three different charges for the supposed three different times. Charges went flying. I was looking at five years in prison. I had the Lord and luck on my side. I went through so many different tests. Sexual deviency tests, psychological tests, lie detector tests. The woman giving me these tests said these very words to me in the beginning "I am going to know more about your sexual activity than any one else ever will." Disgusting, abhorrent questions about children, about dead bodies, animals. I'll never forget the experience.
As it turns out, the tests proved I wasn't a sexual deviant, nor a pedophile or any of the above and I wasn't at risk for offending...again. funny thing is, my attorney told me towards the end of the negotiations that none if those tests mattered. She told me that if I took my case to trial, all her son, the one claiming I raped him, would have to do is testify before the jury and I'm in prison for years.That was a terrifying thought for me. I'm not the prison type of gal. I had children. I had a cps case i had to fight to get my first born back. I heard what they do to sex offenders in prison. The razor blades inside the female parts. I put on a great front but I was absolutely petrified. So I took the plea bargain. The last one they were willing to offer.
Second degree assault. A felony. Strike one of Washington states three strike law. I was out in six months, had to do drug and alcohol treatment and see a therapist but I was never on probation. Never have to register as a sex offender. Nothing sexual, period.
By the grace of God, I walked out of jail on that cold morning with a new mind, a new heart and have weights on my shoulders.
I have not seen my firstborn since the day I noticed the bruise. Since I was accused of beating him. I'm court ordered supervised visitation and she has denied me every time. Two years now. Can you imagine not seeing the only person you had, the person who depended on you, relied on you, called you mama for five years, completely being ripped out of your life? His mom, his sister, his entire family. He's not allowed to talk to any of them. All he'd known. Gone.
I started the process to file a contempt of court against my step mom for not letting me see my son. It did take me two years. The guilt of leaving my baby, with her nonetheless....there are no words to describe the horrible horrendous feeling. Like a deep gash that never seems to heal but always gets cut open every time you think about it. No one understands why I haven't tried to see him sooner, but that's just it. No one will understand. These two years, the feeling is similar to those who have had a child die, so I would imagine.
But now that I've actually started pursuing visitation, dawn, the step mother, is now accusing me of letting my male friends molest my first born when I had him. What? The audacity. The evil. I can't find the words to say to describe how disgusting it is. That not just her but people in general would ever knowingly accuse anyone of rape or molestation when they know the person is innocent. Just to win? Just to hurt someone so badly?
It does something to people when they're repeatedly called a pedophile. At first, I was angry. I was so unbelievably angry. I would've done anything to watch her suffer in the most horrible ways. Then, I tried taking the high road. I know I'm not a pedophile, why am I letting her get to me? Now, I ask myself everyday, am I a pedophile? Deep down, in my heart, in my mind, every fiber of my being KNOWS I'm not a pedophile or a rapist. But there's always a tiny voice inside my head making me question myself.
I've NEVER IN MY LIFE had a thought of wanting to...you know. It's so disgusting to even type it. The thought of any of the dirty never came to mind before all this. I raised my two kids as long as I could before she took them. I just lived my life and did the best I could as a mom. Now, I've had another child. And of course, no one else has any of those "concerns" dawn had. Including my son's father. I told him everything and he hates dawn as much as I do and we're not even together.
How is it with all the tests, my life before the charges, my life now...how is it none of that matters? Why is it cps or the courts never looked at the obvious?
After the house inspections, I was gonna get my second born and dawn knew that, so she have my daughter to her father before the judge could make a ruling. They tricked me into coming to Washington to get my other kid since they couldn't keep my first one. The cps investigation was already in place, going great, and all of a sudden when things might work out for me, oh I raped her son. And now, I'm starting visitation with my first born and now it's I let men molest my son.
Why can't cps or the courts see? I'm writing this hoping I'll stop second guessing myself. Hoping maybe someone will cone across this and be able to help. Maybe someone will learn. Or just, someone believes me.
Being called a pedophile has changed me, my life, my views on the world, on people. I'm not the same person. I'm not a pedophile or a rapist, this I know as a 100% fact. So why can't I get rid of the tiny voice inside my had that makes me want to second guess myself?