Books dealing with NPD

Here's a quick list of some books that I and others have found helpful both to those with NPD, and those who wish to understand NPD better. Please know that these books are not written in a Sam Vaknin fashion and they are not brutal on those with NPD. They offer insight and have been found useful to many with NPD who are trying to change themselves.
I always want to encourage healing, change and growth... in anyone. Wish my mother would have read even one of these.
Lifesong

Thoughts Without A Thinker
by Mark Epstein, M.D.
Epstein looks at how our thinking mind can prevent us from feeling our feelings and being present in the moment. This book looks at the relationships between western psychology and Buddhist meditation. A must read for persons looking to get past the ego or thinking mind and connect with what is happening in their life.

Essential Papers on Narcissism
by various authors
Published by State University of New York Press, 1986. this is a rather academic look at the history of narcissism. It is intended for scholars and clinical psychologists, though people suffering from NPD may be find it helpful to understand the history of the disorder and the gradual changes, and acceptance in addressing this disorder. This book may be helpful to develop an understanding of what it is those with NPD are trying to heal in themselves.

Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart
by Mark Epstein, M.D
Epstein is a practicing psychiatrist who has trained under such notable professionals as Otto Kernberg and David Winnicott. His studies of Buddhism have lead him to integrate Eastern and Western approaches to therapy. This book focuses on finding ways to connect peacefully with your true self through a combination of techniques.

Care of the Soul
by Thomas Moore
Moore, a psychologist and monk, examines care for our soul in everyday life with a compassion for all persons. He leads us on a journey of healing childhood family relationships, narcissism and self-love, love's initiations, jealousy, depression, and a look at the spiritual nature of the soul. This is a must read book for all persons experiencing narcissism or in relationships of any kind which might involve narcissistic wounding.

Comfortable With Uncertainty: 108 Teachings
by Pema Chodron
In this book Chodron presents a new way of looking at painful experiences and healing wounds commonly associated with NPD and related problems. Her teachings offer readers an opportunity to cultivate compassion and awareness amidst the challenges of daily living.

Humanizing the Narcissistic Style
by Stephen M. Johnson
A factual look at Narcissism with a focus on healing written by a licensed psychologist. Book includes insight to the disorder and studies of actual therapy approaches. Considered by many to be the cure for having experienced Sam Vaknin's writings.

Characterological Transformation: The Hard Work Miracle
Character Styles
by Stephen Johnson
Two more works by this very useful author on the psychotherapeutic journey toward the healing of personality disorders.

Listen to Me
by Gerald "Jerry" Jampolsky, M.D. & Lee Jampolsky, Ph.D
In this book Jerry Jampolsky (founder of the International Center of Attitudinal Healing) and his son, Lee Jampolsky, examine their painful relationship and seek healing through a profound exchange of letters written from the heart. This book offers an incredible look at the dynamics of father and son relationships and how old wounds can be healed through a process of compassion and forgiveness.

Love is the Answer
by Gerald "Jerry" Jampolsky, M.D. & Diane V. Cirincione, PhD
In this book Jerry Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione discuss how to overcome conflicts in relationships using the principles of Attitudinal Healing. Included are 15 lessons addressing ways to choose love over conflict and fear.

Teach Only Love
Gerald "Jerry" Jampolsky, M.D.
Jerry Jampolsky introduces us to the twelve principles of Attitudinal Healing. In this book he gives examples of how these principles have changed his life and the lives of others who have chosen to become love finders instead of fault finders.

Prisoners of Childhood
Drama of the Gifted Child
by Alice Miller
Published by Basic Books, available through the major online book companies. The author reaches deep into the heart of the narcissistic wound with these two emotionally charged, but readable books. These will be a very difficult books for most people with NPD (and their families to read). Miller writes with a compassion for healing that touches the soul of those who are trying to understand their wounds.

Shame: The Exposed Self
by Michael Lewis
Many believe that shame is the single greatest contributor to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is incredibly difficult to heal because it touches the soul of a person suffering from NPD. Shame is a difficult emotion and one that our natural defenses work to teach us to avoid. If an infant is rejected by or separated from his primary care giver, he will often assume there is something about himself that is not worthy of being loved. Our culture is built very heavily around shame and this might be the hardest thing to face in the healing process.

Slings and Arrows
by David Levin
This is another book which helps identify the causes of narcissistic wounds and attempts to address ways that we might be able to work toward healing in therapy. Once again this book is intended for a more professional audience, however many will find it very readable and helpful in developing their understanding of their true selves.

The Bad Object: Handling the Negative Therapeutic Reaction in Psychotherapy
by Jeffrey Seinfeld
It speaks about four phases of relatedness when it comes to one's own self-image and the images of others.
Very briefly: First is the out-of-contact phase, where no hope is felt by the person for a meaningful relationship with outside people, and negative/hateful self-images plus internal "bad-objects" (people who traumatized you in the past) predominate. Primitive defenses and severe acting out are also dominant. At this level you find severe low-level borderline people, severe NPDers, and then ASPD.
Second is the ambivalent symbiotic phase. This phase features a dominance still of bad-self images/concepts along with the bad objects which internally reinforce the isolation and hopelessness for the person. But there is, in this phase, a weak connection to outside people as being good and possibly helpful, although this can rarely be accessed emotionally and the person has great difficulty self-activating to get help from potentially positive outside figures. Thus there is a slight increase in self-esteem and the hope for aid from outside reality. Many of those with NPD who begin to seek help for healing and changing are at this phase.
Third is the therapeutic symbiosis, or more positive symbiosis. This is a positive self-object phase, where good self-images dominate the person's inner reality, and much more of the bad self-images are worked through and understood emotionally as coming from past traumatizing experiences and outside figures who did not help the person earlier in their life/childhood. Thus there is a taking in of good self-concepts into the self, and somewhat of a resolution of the all-bad self-concept which previously was dominant (which resulted in isolation, depression, and the inability to self-activate to do anything). Outside people in the present are now related to as more whole objects, meaning both good and bad... there is genuine hope... and there is the beginning of good, real relationships being acted on by the person in their outside life.
Finally there is the resolution phase for the symbiosis. This is where one gets genuine autonomy for oneself... a firm emotional investment in one's positive true self image especially as related to positive outside figures... and the ability to deal with painful emotions and outside pressures without resorting to primitive defenses.

The Narcissistic Family
by Stephanie Donald-Pressman and Robert Pressman
The wounds which can lead to Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) often run very deep within a family, often dating back generations. Within the family structure it is common to see various members react differently to narcissistic injuries. This book offers a glimpse of how different people react to stimuli. One of the harder parts of healing these wounds is that other family members are suffering as well. This book is not about blame, but once again helps tjhose with NPD and others understand what it is we are facing.

The Point of Existence: Transformations of Narcissism in Self-Realization
by A. H. Almaas
Quote: "We sometimes referred to the narcissistic wound as the "emptiness wound." This wound opens us up to emptiness, to nothingness. It opens us to the nothingness of the dissolution of the self. No wonder it evokes such terror, which sometimes we feel as the fear of death. It is the ultimate fear of disintegration and disappearing. The vague sense of dread that we felt before we were directly aware of the wound becomes an immense terror, as the wound opens up to the emptiness. It is here that we understand the existential dread and terror unique to narcissism. However, when we understand the situation accurately, appreciating that we are opening up to a deeper experience of ourselves, and have the empathic support of a counselor/teacher/guide/others, it becomes easier to surrender to the process. The dissolution of the shell is actually a surrender of the false self, letting go of our concept of self (which, with NPD, is a false self). The opening can then become an entrance into vastness, and into the fundamental presence and truth of the self."
Look for other works with a similar approach by this author.

The Quantum Self
by Danah Zohar
This book looks at human nature and consciousness as defined by what Zohar describes as the new physics. Offers an in-depth perspective of narcissism and offers a new paradigm of viewing this with a focus on healing. This is a very in-depth examination of all human nature that is a good read for those who are serious about wanting to develop a new perspective of NPD and how it can be healed.

Turning Toward the Mystery
by Stephen Levine
Levine talks about the importance of becoming aware of ourselves to overcome Narcissism and live more complete lives. The book introduces a spiritual approach to healing.

*thanks to Tony Brown and 'jebel'

Hello LifeSong,
I am actually considering buying Vaknin's book, but it's out of stock on Amazon ...

I read some excerpts on his page and I was really impressed. I feel I want to know the truth, regardless of how "brutal" it is. In my stubborness, I'd rather be miserable than dishonest with myself.

On the other hand, I wonder how much of Vaknin's book is sound. Is he willing to sacrifice intellectual honesty to getting a supply? ... still, for example on Amazon, the reviews are very positive ... the negative ones attack its form rather than the content.

I recommend:

Malignant Self Love
Narcissism Revisited
By Sam Vaknin

It's an interesting read, even for someone who has no connection with NPD.

coldhands: Yes, this is the book I'm talking about.

Asuka: Thanks for the tip, I think I'll give it a try. The funny thing is that it's actually reviewed (and recommended) on Amazon by Sam Vaknin.

I suggest nothing by that ###$ Sam Vaknin.

He is completely ignorant, and cannot offer any unique scientific realizations. He is no better than Jan Hendrik Schön.

The only difference between the two is Schon only made up evidence, while Vaknin steals, as well as makes up.

His latest claim to fame is that Obama is a Narcissist.

If he is, he must be malignant eh? ha.

Read something of worth, read real journal articles, or those who have written books and have also published papers containing real research or review papers.

Sam only tells you 'victims' what you want to hear.

Get the real information from the real source.

P.S.

Whats with all the ###$ on here that don't format their typing?

Icantstandtalkingtopeoplewhotypelikethis.Or those who don't bother to hit enter after each collective thought. It's really a failure. Because honestly, whats easier to read? This one long rambling, or something that's been organized into paragraphs and thought processes. Honestly, its hard to take someone seriously when they present absolutely no thought process'.

I've read Malignant Self Love. It was one of the first books I read as I began to research NPD.

I found it useful as long as I remained aware that I was reading the writings of a self-proclaimed narcissist who was making his living by being a narcissist. One read was more than enough. His narcissism that shines through his writings got tedious and downright boring to me after awhile.

It's also helpful to remember that his 'training' and his 'doctoral degree' came from a diploma mill. In other words, he bought his credentials and tried to pass them off as professional degrees until an astute reporter tracked down the 'institution' that had awarded his doctorate, and found an ever moving office, jumping from physical location to physical location, just one step ahead of the authorities, before finally closing down for good.

Just remember this fact when he tries to fool you with his Dr. Sam Vaknin.

Here's another book that I've found very helpful. It's written by a therapist, and graduate of Harvard, Wayne Muller. It's a spiritual approach drawing from all kinds of spiritual paths. It's called Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood. Although not specific to narcissism, it deals extensively with childhood wounding and its effect in adulthood. Includes, for example, several "practices of being ordinary" as exercises to counter grandiosity.

LifeSong wrote:I've read Malignant Self Love. It was one of the first books I read as I began to research NPD.

I found it useful as long as I remained aware that I was reading the writings of a self-proclaimed narcissist who was making his living by being a narcissist. One read was more than enough. His narcissism that shines through his writings got tedious and downright boring to me after awhile.

Exactly, I have ended up not reading it in it's entirety, the prose got too tedious. The upside was it is helpful to see how the mind of the NPD works.

Lifesong, that's an impressive list, and I'm sure ALL of those books would sit handsomely on my bookcase, but is there 2 or 3 that you'd rate higher than others, with a view to being complementary to my Social Work studies along with my own personal growth? As I've noticed lately some old thought patterns of selfishness creeping in.

Ta and cheers

Edited to add: I've just checked my Uni library and they have all the Alice Miller books, plus more by her, so I'm off to borrow those now, as they sound pretty good. Translated from German, however 1980's written, so we'll see.

I've @!@@@! through and read excerpts of the Alice Miller books. Some good ideas, and I especially related to the family of 'false selves', that was quite interesting and I got a lot out of that, but the pyschotherapy style, the continuous reference to the Oedipus Complex and the 1980's ideas and style of writing was tedious and old fashioned.