Books dealing with NPD

Here's a list of other books/publications that I've found interesting or helpful. This list is long.. sorry... I do lots of reading.

The Wizard Of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family* by Eleanor Payson

*If You Had Controlling Parents*
by Dan Neuharth, Ph.D.

*Changes That Heal, How to Understand Your Past to Ensure A Healthier Future*
by Dr. Henry Cloud.

*The Little Soul and The Sun*- by Neale Donald Walsch

*Scripts People Live: Transactional Analysis of Life Scripts*
Claude M. Steiner

*Boundaries: When to say yes , When to say no and to take control of your life*
Dr Henry Cloud
Dr John Townsend

*Drama Of The Gifted Child*
Alice Miller

*Codependent No More*
Melody Beattie

*Pulling Your Own Strings*
Wayne Dyer

*You'll See It When You Believe It*
Wayne W. Dyer

*Healing The Shame That Binds You*
John Bradshaw

*Narcissism: Denial of the True Self*
by Alexander Lowen (August 1997)

*Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism*
by Otto F. Kernberg ( June 1985)

*Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of
Diminishing Expectations* by Christopher Lasch (May 1991)

*Essential Papers on Narcissism (Essential Papers in
Psychoanalysis)*
by Andrew P. Morrison (Editor) ( May 1986)

*Disorders of Narcissism: Diagnostic, Clinical, and
Empirical Implications*
by Elsa F. Ronningstam (Editor) (January 2000)

*Narcissism and Character Transformation: The Psychology
of Narcissistic Character Disorders*
by Nathan Schwartz-Salant

*The Destructive Narcissistic Pattern*
by Nina W. Brown ( August 1998)

*Narcissistic Wounds Clinical Perspectives*
by Judy Cooper and Nilda Maxwell

*The Power of Empathy*
by Aurther P. Ciaramicoli

*The Power Of Now*
by Eckhart Tolle

*Shame: The Underside of Narcissism*
by Andrew P. Morrison (September 1997)

*Why Is It Always About You?: Saving Yourself from the
Narcissists in Your Life*
by Sandy Hotchkiss ( May 2002)

*The Narcissistic Family*
by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman, Robert M. Pressman

*People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil*
- M. Scott Peck, 1981

*Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in
Their Struggle for Self* - Elan Golomb, Ph.D., 1992

*Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grownup's Guide to
Getting Over Narcissistic Parents*
- Nina W. Brown

*The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis & Treatment* -
Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman

*If You Had Controlling Parents: How to Make Peace with
Your Past and Take Your Place in the World*
- Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., 1998

*Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent: A Guide for
Stressed-Out Children*
- Grace Lebow & Barbara Kane with Irwin Lebow, 1999

*Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and
Reclaiming Your Life* - Dr. Susan Forward with Craig Buck

*When Parents Love Too Much: What Happens When Parents
Won't Let Go* - Laurie Ashner & Mitch Meyerson, 1990

*Mama Drama: Making Peace With the One Woman Who Can Push
Your Buttons, Make You Cry, & Drive You Crazy* - Leslie
Ayvazian, 1999

*Where were you When I Needed You, Dad?: A Guide for
Healing Your Father Wound* - Jane M. Drew, 1992

*You Can't Grow Up Till You Go Back Home: A Safe Journey
to See Your Parents as Human* - William F. Nerin, 1993

*Divorcing a Parent: A sympathetic and practical guide
for adult children who need to free themselves from an abusive
relationship with a parent* - Beverly Engel, M.F.C.C.,1990

*Cutting Loose: An Adult Guide to Coming to Terms with
YOur Parents* - Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D., 1976

*Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, to Take
Control of Your Life* - Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend, 1982

Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self* -
Charles L. Whitfield,
1993

*An Adult Child's Guide to What's "Normal" *-
John Friel, Ph.D. & Linda Friel, M.A., 1990

*Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families -
same as above Drama Games: Techniques for Self-development* -
by Tian Dayton

*Never Be Lied to Again: How to Get the Truth in 5
Minutes or Less in Any Conversation or Situation* -
David J. Lieberman, Ph.D., 1998

*Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ* -
Daniel Goleman,1995

*The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships* -
Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., 1997

*In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with
Manipulative People* - George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.,1996

*Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use
Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You* -
Susan Forward, Ph.D. with Donna Frazier, 1997

*Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing With People Who Make
Your Life Miserable* - Lillian Glass, Ph.D.,

*Control Freaks: Who They Are and How to Stop Them From
Running Your Life* - Gerald W. Piaget, Ph.D.1991

*Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of
Identity*
- Helen Marx, Thomas Moore, Marie-France Hirigoyen, 2000

*Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the
Psychopaths Among Us* - Dr. Robert D. Hare, 1993

*The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It
and How to Respond* - Patricia Evans, 1992,96

*Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out: On relationship and
Recovery* - Patricia Evans,1993

*The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse: Getting Off the
Emotional Roller Coaster and Regaining Control of Your Life* -
Albert Ellis Ph.D., Marcia Grad Powers, Albert Ellis, 2000

*Tongue Fu: How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal
Conflict* - Sam Horn, 1996

*The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense* - Suzette Haden Elgin, 1980

*For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Childrearing and
the Roots of Violence* - Alice Miller, 1983,84,89

*Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child*
- Alice Miller.1984,86

*Scapegoating in Families: Intergenerational Patterns of
Physical & Emotional Abuse (hard to find)*
- Vimala Pillari, D.S.W., 1991

*Recognizing & Healing the Family Scapegoat: Avoid
Carrying Childhood Roles Into Adulthood* - Sharon A. Smith, 1995

*Black Sheep and Kissing Cousins: How Our Family Stories
Shape Us* - Elizabeth Stone, 1989

*Family Myths: Living Our Roles, Betraying Ourselves* -
Joyce Block, 1994

*The Secret Life of Families: Truth-Telling, Privacy, and
Reconciliation in a Tell-All Sociaty* - Evan Imber-Black, Ph.D., 1998

*Family Secrets: What You Don't Know CAN Hurt You*
- John Bradshaw, 1995

*Adult Children: Secrets of Dysfunctional Families*
- John C. Friel , John Friel, & Linda Friel, 1988

*Intimate Violence: The Causes & Consequences of Abuse in
the American Family* - Murray A. Straus & Richard J. Gelles, 1989

*Intimate Worlds: Life Inside the Family*
- Maggie Scarf, 1995,97,99

*Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child*
- John Bradshaw, 1990

*Unlocking the Secrets of your Childhood Memories* -
Dr. Kevin Leman & Randy Carlson, 1989

*How to be Your Own Best Friend* - Mildred Newman &
Bernard Derkowitz with Jean Owen, 1971

*Making Peace with Yourself: Turning Your Weaknesses Into
Strengths* - Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D. with Leonard Felder Ph.D., 1985

*Necassary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, Dependencies and
Impossible Expectations That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Grow* -
Judith Viorst,1986

*Emotional Clearing: A Self-Therapy Guide to Releasing
Negative Feelings* - John Ruskan, 1993

*You Can Heal Your Life8 - Louise L. Hay, 1987

*Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles with Power and
Surrender* - Judith Viorst

*The Culture of Shame: Understanding & Easing Shame* -
Andrew P, Morrison,1996


*The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the
World Overwhelms You* - Elaine N. Aron, 1996

*Soul Murder: The effects of chilhood abuse and deprivation* -
Leonard Shengold, M.D., 1989

*Finding Your Way Home: A Soul Survivor Kit*
- Melody Beattie, 1998

*Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul - Melody Beattie, 1996

*Stop Being Mean to Yourself: A Story About Finding the True Meaning of Self-Love* - Melody Beattie, 1998

*The Language of Letting Go: Dailey Meditations for
Co-Dependents* - Melody Beattie, 1996

*Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a
Painful Childhood8 - Wayne Muller,1992

8Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth & Sacredness in
Everyday Life* - Thomas Moore,1992

*Subversive Thoughts, Authentic Passions: Finding Love
Without Losing Your Self* - Bonnie Kreps, 1990

*A Life of My Own: Meditiations on Hope and Acceptance* -
Hazelden Foundation, 1993

*Gentle Reminders: Daily Affirmations for Co-Dependents*
Mitzi Chandler,1989

*How Good Do We Have to Be?: A New Understanding of Guilt
and Forgiveness* - Harold S. Kushner, 1996

*Living Without a Goal: Finding the Freedom to Live a
Creative and Innovative Life* - James Ogilvy, 1995

*The Seat of the Soul* - Gary Zukov,1990

stoic narcissist wrote:coldhands: Yes, this is the book I'm talking about.
Asuka: Thanks for the tip, I think I'll give it a try. The funny thing is that it's actually reviewed (and recommended) on Amazon by Sam Vaknin.

The review on Amazon of Sam's book is BY Sam and HE is recommending his own book? Well, there's one indication of his 'intellectual honesty", and his narcissism. He is a self-promoter if nothing else.

You might want to read the thread Asuka started titled Sam Vatkin (should be Vaknin) for more info on Sam.

That's an impressive list Lifesong. I recognise a lot of them, I too, am forever reading.

I'd add the following:

The Verbally Abusive Man, Can he Change. A woman's guide to deciding to stay or leave." Patricia Evans.

Why Does He do That? Inside the Mind's of Angry and Controlling Men." Lundy Bancroft.

The latter book has so many Post-It tabs that I almost ran out of them.

Additional writings that I've found helpful to an understanding of narcissism/psychopathy/sociopathy/personality disorders:

Mask of Sanity - Hervey Cleckley
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon
Operators and Things - Barbara O'Brien
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
Sociopath Next Door - Martha Stout
Without Conscience - Robert Hare
Snakes in Suits - Robert Hare and Paul Babiak
Predators - Anna Salter
In Broad Daylight - Harry N. MacLean
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman[/size]

And another posting of some potentially helpful books, with various source review comments. Some of the older books are probably available in many public libraries.

The Journals of John Cheever, [Ballantine, 1993].
I read the excerpts that were published in a series in The New Yorker in early 1993, and have not read the book. I had admired some of Cheever's stories, but I read the journals because I was curious about the inner life of a highly intelligent, creative, and articulate alcoholic. I learned something about that, but I was alarmed to find Cheever so much like some people I knew and, at one point, he records having been diagnosed as a narcissist. I can't really recommend Cheever's journals for pleasure reading, but you can find out a whole lot about how a narcissist thinks about himself (grandiosely and almost exclusively) and others (only when he absolutely has to - or when he's trying to change and heal, which Cheever was not).

Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self, by Elan Golomb [Quill, 1995].
This book is about the struggle narcissist's children have coming to a realistic self-valuation. Golomb notes in passing that, whenever the child of a narcissist emerges relatively unscathed, to look for art as the route of psychic self-rescue. [Not sure that I buy that as it isn't my experience but it's an interesting theory]. The unhappy testimony is that narcissists' self-hatred is so deep and incorrigible that they find it impossible to love or respect anyone who had the bad taste to pick them for parents. For a young adult struggling to come to terms with a cold and cruel parent, this book could be helpful and comforting.

Individuation and Narcissism: The Psychology of Self in Jung and Kohut, by Mario Jacoby [Routledge, 1992].
Jacoby is director of the Jung Institute in Zurich. The book considers narcissism from literary, historical, and psychological perspectives, and is well worth reading for itself, even if you're not trying to figure out how to cope with a narcissist in your life. Jacoby offers thoughtful, empathic, subtle, and complex reflections and observations on theories of self, comparing Freud and Jung and developments since F&J; who we are, how we become ourselves, how we come to terms with transpersonal forces.

Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity for Love, by Robert Karen [Oxford University Press, 1998].
This is a lovely, moving book, recommended to anyone who is a parent or has a parent (!). The book surveys the history of attachment theory and research, especially the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Karen also gives thoughtful consideration to the ways in which adults can repair or remedy the unhappy effects of insecure early relationships. Extensive bibliography.

Narcissism : Denial of the True Self, by Alexander Lowen, M.D. [Touchstone Books, 1997]. This book was originally published in 1985. It is the best introductory book I know of for general readers, and is a great place to start in learning about narcissism. I like Lowen's books. He's humane and down-to-earth and writes clearly. Lowen discusses the narcissist's emotional numbness and its function as emotional self-preservation. He was quite optimistic about treatment possibilities when he wrote this book. Athought few tried Lowen's course of therapeutic body work to resuscitate numbed emotions in his time, many body work practitioners would and do assert that it works; few clinicians today share his 1985 optimism about healing narcissism. But were his prescriptions even clinically tested? Nope. So we don't really know.

Prisoners of Childhood: The Drama of the Gifted Child and the Search for the True Self, by Alice Miller [Basic Books, 1996]. When Basic Books first published this one in 1981, the 118-page paperback was $5.95 and had the subtitle "How Narcissistic Parents Form and Deform the Emotional Lives of Their Talented Children.") Talented, in Miller's sense, means psychologically talented -- i.e., alert and sensitive. Miller stresses that the depression and lack of vitality that plague many gifted people can be solved only by mourning for what they never got as children. Personal note: If your mother was a narcissist, read this book.Then read Karen's Becoming Attached, see above).

People of the Lie, by M. Scott Peck [Touchstone Press, 1997]. I first read this one quite a few years ago, and it's the one that clicked with me on the effects of narcissist parents on their children -- i.e., the one that made "narcissism" more than a theoretical concept by connecting it to my own personal experience. Some consider it a harsh treatment of narcissism. Some are put off by its religious tones. But I think its valuable. It is about good and evil, particularly in the context of the damage some parents are willing to inflict on their children rather than change their selfish ways. Peck makes the point that love is not only a feeling, but also a pattern of conduct and that we can choose to act in loving ways even when we've temporarily "lost that lovin' feeling." In short, that love is made by loving activity and loving action.

Narcissism and Character Transformation : The Psychology of Narcissistic Character Disorders, by Nathan Schwartz-Salant [Inner City Books, 1982]. Schwartz-Salant, a Jungian analyst, is one of the few clinical writers who gives the impression of having had actual everyday experience with narcissists on the hoof. I can't recommend this book for general readers, but if you have some Jungian background or are feeling adventurous, you may find it very stimulating. I have a pretty heavy-duty Jungian background, and I found it to be pages and pages of confusing obscurity interspersed with paragraphs of riveting clarity -- and, like all good Jungian work, this book is psychoactive, so use it with care.

LifeSong. Thanks for the suggestions. Though, I was wondering if you could narrow down in your list, or add another for someone who is not necessarily interested in Buddhism, but maybe a more secular, and practical psychoanalytic/cognitive therapy type approach for dealing with Narcissism, for the Narcissist.

I'm interested in a book that doesn't encourage a subjective set of religious beliefs or philosophy, but a more proven psychiatric approach.

Do you have any suggestions for the non-religious?

- SL075

I've found this book very helpful:

"The Object of My Affection is in My Reflection: Coping with Narcissists" by Rokelle Lerner

"Healing the Hardware of the Soul: Enhance Your Brain to Improve Your Work, Love, and Spiritual Life" is written by Dr. Daniel Amen. He describes what areas of the brain are responsible for various types of thinking and behavior, and what is taking place in those areas (normal and abnormal).

His 101-point checklist helps the reader determine what areas of the brain they might be having problems with. He ties specific biochemicals to how they affect these brain areas. Then he offers suggestions on diet, physical activity, spirituality/meditation, recognizing & correcting Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs), medications and herbal remedies, and mental exercises to balance these areas. The ANTs are equivalent to Cognitive Distortions (from Dr. David Burns "The Feeling Good Handbook").

The book includes pictures of brain scans linked to patient cases he has evaluated, showing too much or too little activity in the specific areas he discusses in the chapters. He doesn't focus on disorder categories so much as on the behavioral symptoms that can be common to multiple disorders, so labeling and their stigmas are avoided. There are small sections specifically on NPD, APD, and BPD but only in a broader context of impact on a person's character.

It's an easy and sometimes entertaining read for laypersons wanting to better understand what may be going on, and what can be done to help by doctor and on one's own or with family. Dr. Amen has been on PBS programs and has another book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life."

Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity
Marie-France Hirigoyen

An extremely helpful insight into narcissism both in the workplace and in personal relationships. Looks at abusers and victims, and gives lots of case studies. I found it really practical and realistic, as opposed to Lowen's book which i could not relate to so well.

It's sticky'ed