Thread for those in disordered/abusive relationships

woodstock41 wrote:Is there anyone here that is familiar with NARCISSISTIC VICTIM SYNDROME ? Where can I find a discussion about narcissistic abuse and possible treatments for the victims/survivors? Thanks

I'd suggest posting in family-support/ The idea of a "syndrome" is new to me. But others there have been through similar situations. And so it might be a good place to seek and offer support.

wingsofdesire wrote:i need to talk with you. my experience was so similar, but more intense...worse on the darkside . most people wont understand because this kind of lover wears such a perfect mask. how can we talk? private message?

xandrew hasn't been on the site for a long time now. So I don't know if contact is possible. I'd suggest starting your own thread. And see how things go.

I am not a shrink but i have been in a very intimate relationship with a personality disorder woman. I am assuming your partner has personality disorder aswell since you posted in the forum. Histrionic or Borderline i have studied both of them. These kind of woman will almost seem like they have 2 or even 3 personalities. I dont think you will have much success in reasoning with her although i recon she is real good to you sometimes and that is why you are so attracted to her. She probably wants all the attention and keep you on a leash including your heart. She may very well dump you someday and will have no empathy or compassion for your heart. It will be brutal and it will involve another person she got very intimate with. Your replacement. With the type of arguments she is having with you sounds like she is setting you up. Even if she dumps the guy that you caught her with she will find another. She wont face the truth of what she is doing instead she will validate it. Sounds like your getting emotionally abused. She may have been abandoned or abused as a child. She may be laying down foundations for another relationship. She may be very insecure.
Ok all that being said here are some options of what you can do.
First get ready for the break up. Dont try to change her. Do the opposite but get on with some extra relationship yourself. She will be devastated and you will have a backup she will probably come crawling back. You could try to swing with her but that might end up terribly aswell. You might even end up a cuckold man and she might abuse you more. I dont know but seems like you will get the blame.
On a lighter note one thing you could do is to give her lots and lots of love and attention. This can be very taxing over time and if the relationship fails anyhow you may have regrets for being so good to her. You could try to catch her. I recon you would have to spy. From your post it seems your doing the best you can. Especially since you have kids maybe see if the 2 of you can get couples counseling. All depends on how much effort you want to put into saving it. It could be a full time job. Either way saving it or ending it might cause you alot of emotional pain. My heart goes out to you. Finally i will say that you should focus on getting rid of that gambling habit.

I was in a relationship for three months with a girl I think is a sociopath that really screwed with my head. She pretended she had multiple personalities and some of the things said made me feel really bad for her where I would get tears from it but it was all lies to screw with me. She also ignored me for days on purpose which was her talking to other guys. Once she acted like this guy saying he tied her up which I thought she was gonna be raped but that was all a lie. She broke up with me by text right before work in the morning saying her sister would destroy my life. When I texted her she called the cops on me.the next day she sees me says she loves me then the next day completely ignored me.she also would go from holding my hand to staying away from me looking at me like she hated me.days later she started stalking me pretending to be different people.theres a lot more she did but all I was to her was a game which I moved to another state just to make her life better.sad thing is I still love her after everything she put me through which was a lot.

I have been in a 9 year relationship and raised a daughter who is now 13. My ex is borderline I think. ONe day she just started craying about turning 38 have grey hairs and wrinkles and being unmarried. And I asked what I can do to make it better. She said you could move out...omg. that was five months ago. I refused to leave my apartment. Then three weeks later her and hermother lock themselves in our apartment and won't let me. I haven't seen her for three weeks at this time. I call the cops...cops say she can't make you homeless and your on the lease. They said she can stay or go but cant kick me out. She also threw all of my clothes outside...So I miss her immensley. im hoping this is a midlife thing. I can't stop crying for my daugher. I cant see her...can't take her to the movies, can't take her to icecream...my ex blocked me on facebook and cell phone..a few weeks ago she asked for the modem and I reimburse her. She just turned on me over night!

I'm currently in this kind of situation but more of an emotional pain than psyical.
I've been called names plenty of times I try to be strong n not let it bother me j feel depressed and emotionally dumb cus I'm constantly questioning if I belong here or not. Love shouldn't feel this way is often what I end up telling myself but i ts so hard to let it go and I don't know how or if I can. I love him and we use to be happier but there are times our relationship didn't meet my expectations and porlly not his since he is the type to need to be always right . I get told I am psycho or have mental issues often and I know I do not but I also know he makes me act a little crazy?

CJC1992 wrote:

ridingthewtfbus wrote:

LondonGuy wrote:It's so contradictory how I can feel so much hate for her and want her to suffer yet there's part of me that still loves her.

Funny thing is last year when she'd overdosed on morphine and/or Tramadol, I pretty much saved her life.

Yup that sounds like my ex too. Tried to hang herself on Valentines Day while I was in earshot in the other room, confused about why she was breathing funny. I could write an entire book about her craziness. In fact, I've dedicated an entire blog to her. Mini Hulk Horror. Lol.

Yup that sounds like my ex too. Tried to hang herself on Valentines Day while I was in earshot in the other room, confused about why she was breathing funny. I could write an entire book about her craziness. In fact, I've dedicated an entire blog to her. Mini Hulk Horror. Lol.

Wow, that's deep. To hang yourself knowing that her partner would then most likely be the first person to see it is just nasty. Sure she must be in some sort of emotional and psychological turmoil but to try to take her own life within earshot of you is selfish and attention-seeking. On Valentine's Day of all days too. Do you still have any feelings for her? I can honestly say after all this time I feel nothing for her any more. Not love. Not hate. Nothing. Which is at the place I wanted to be because hating her for so long was a waste of my time and energy. Mini Hulk Horror I think I'd definitely give that a read

Well, I am feeling really bad about a situation I have had with a guy since 6 months ago.

I met him over the internet and he is from another country (both of us in Europe though). We talked about travelling and I told him how I would like to visit the area he lives and he quickly told me to jump in a plane and visit him there, which I thought was weird at such an early stage. Anyway, we started talking on Skype and this was in February. He told me he had a long distance relationship (gf) with someone in another continent and that they had met twice only. He said they fight all the time and break up every day and that he hates make-up and that he fought with gf every day over her wearing make-up. I really thought this gf wasn't serious. All this sounded strange to me. He told me he was a sex addict and online game addict, that he is hostile, impatient, insatiable and he said he had met his "gf" last October. Over Xmas he was with her too and only in January he flew to another country to have sex with a woman. Then, the gf visited him in March and to cut the story short, he flew to me in April just for the 1 day. At the start, I didn't give it much importance as I didn't really want anything serious with him. After he left he told me he was really happy he met me, that he was really happy I was the way I was and that he basically had a great time. Only the next day we talked on Skype and we agreed I would go over to his country to meet him in 6 weeks' time. Thing is he only wants to spend 36 hours maximum with me because he says he has other things to do and to call his gf because otherwise she gets suspicious if he is missing for too long. This was unacceptable but as it was only the second time we met I thought not to give it much thought as I thought he perhaps wanted to know me slowly and not to spend too much time at the start. He seemed happy that he was going to see me again but weeks before I flew over he started to hang up on me on Skype whenever I said something he didn't want to talk about. I asked him what he thought of me and he always answered that he doesn't like me fishing for compliments. He started to give me time limits to talk on Skype, sometimes he would count down and then he would hang up on me. He would tell me I needed to structure my talk and talk about interesting things. One day he told me he gave me 4 minutes to talk and at minute 3.30 he hung up. Then he said that I didn't know how to use the time he gave me and that if I wasted 4 minutes like that he wouldn't give me more next time. It became all really nasty, basically.

I had already bought my air ticket and anyway I was about to cancel it but I flew over. It was only for 36 hours that we met and the day I was leaving I asked him if we would see each other again. He said he didn't know and then took me to the airport. I was there saying good bye and he was just there for 5 minutes and I wanted him to stay a bit longer till I left. He got really angry, he looked at my face in such a cold way and told me I was being very clingy and that it was over forever, that we would never talk again. I was so shocked so traumatized. Then he walked away and didn't even look back.

When I arrived he asked if I had arrived safely and we talked on Skype but he still said it was over. He told me that I spoilt things while I was there, that it was my fault. He said I made him run away, that how I could be so clingy at the airport, he said that I made him pay 3 Euros for parking at the airport when he wanted to go quickly. He constantly told me to change myself, he said how I can undermine his authority, whenever I asked when we can talk he says that he doesn't know, not now, not today. He blocked me several times on whatsapp and Skype. He many times told me I am ignorant, a bad listener or that I have bad memory. When I ask questions that don't suit him he tells me to change topic. He even said I had to make an appointment to talk to him.

Then anyway, we got back talking and so many times when he is not available to talk he tells me that he wasn't answering because he was having sex with such and such. Even a weekend after me visiting him he told me how he brought another woman to his house and he was doing with her the same things he did with me. Recently, I texted him one day and he said he was driving and that he was ######6 a girl in another country.

And now, I visited him a third time in his country (and last time for me) because 36 hours is all he offers me and now he even says that it can't be 2 nights but only one (and this is considering I fly from one country to another spending at least 400/500 Euros for 36 hours). I touched him with a packet of paper tissues on his head and he got really angry, he told me I have no empathy and that I am crazy, that that was really bad and that he is so sensitive to noise. I couldn't believe the way he was reacting plus I told him I didn't know that about him so it is not like I did it on purpose. He said that the fact I didn't do it on purpose was irrelevant and that anyone would get annoyed by something like that. I was trying to rationalise with him till he said that then in order for me to understand he would have to beat me. Hours later we went to the mountains and he was holding my hand and hugging me and looking at me as if there were feelings somehow.

Whenever I ask if we will talk he says that maybe, no guarantee or that we will but that he could be wrong. He is always the one who makes the call. Whenever I call him he doesn't answer. Today I said to him to call me sometime and he said "only when I want to!" I asked why I can never call him and he said that I can but then when I asked why he never answers when I call he says "because I didn't want to". And then he said "appreciate it, that I call you"

Well, there are so many things he has told me that it is unreal and I don't know what to think anymore.

CJC1992 wrote:

Yup that sounds like my ex too. Tried to hang herself on Valentines Day while I was in earshot in the other room, confused about why she was breathing funny. I could write an entire book about her craziness. In fact, I've dedicated an entire blog to her. Mini Hulk Horror. Lol.

Wow, that's deep. To hang yourself knowing that her partner would then most likely be the first person to see it is just nasty. Sure she must be in some sort of emotional and psychological turmoil but to try to take her own life within earshot of you is selfish and attention-seeking. On Valentine's Day of all days too. Do you still have any feelings for her? I can honestly say after all this time I feel nothing for her any more. Not love. Not hate. Nothing. Which is at the place I wanted to be because hating her for so long was a waste of my time and energy. Mini Hulk Horror I think I'd definitely give that a read

Lol do it! There's tons of posts to choose from. http://www.minihulkhorror.blogspot.com/

I don't still love her, but I wish her the best and like I posted on the blog--the only help for Borderlines seems to be therapy and I hope she has gotten it. She also smokes weed and I hope she got her rec and is feeling better off now.

-- Tue Sep 08, 2015 7:59 am --

hurtingbadly wrote:Well, I am feeling really bad about a situation I have had with a guy since 6 months ago.

I met him over the internet and he is from another country (both of us in Europe though). We talked about travelling and I told him how I would like to visit the area he lives and he quickly told me to jump in a plane and visit him there, which I thought was weird at such an early stage. Anyway, we started talking on Skype and this was in February. He told me he had a long distance relationship (gf) with someone in another continent and that they had met twice only. He said they fight all the time and break up every day and that he hates make-up and that he fought with gf every day over her wearing make-up. I really thought this gf wasn't serious. All this sounded strange to me. He told me he was a sex addict and online game addict, that he is hostile, impatient, insatiable and he said he had met his "gf" last October. Over Xmas he was with her too and only in January he flew to another country to have sex with a woman. Then, the gf visited him in March and to cut the story short, he flew to me in April just for the 1 day. At the start, I didn't give it much importance as I didn't really want anything serious with him. After he left he told me he was really happy he met me, that he was really happy I was the way I was and that he basically had a great time. Only the next day we talked on Skype and we agreed I would go over to his country to meet him in 6 weeks' time. Thing is he only wants to spend 36 hours maximum with me because he says he has other things to do and to call his gf because otherwise she gets suspicious if he is missing for too long. This was unacceptable but as it was only the second time we met I thought not to give it much thought as I thought he perhaps wanted to know me slowly and not to spend too much time at the start. He seemed happy that he was going to see me again but weeks before I flew over he started to hang up on me on Skype whenever I said something he didn't want to talk about. I asked him what he thought of me and he always answered that he doesn't like me fishing for compliments. He started to give me time limits to talk on Skype, sometimes he would count down and then he would hang up on me. He would tell me I needed to structure my talk and talk about interesting things. One day he told me he gave me 4 minutes to talk and at minute 3.30 he hung up. Then he said that I didn't know how to use the time he gave me and that if I wasted 4 minutes like that he wouldn't give me more next time. It became all really nasty, basically.

I had already bought my air ticket and anyway I was about to cancel it but I flew over. It was only for 36 hours that we met and the day I was leaving I asked him if we would see each other again. He said he didn't know and then took me to the airport. I was there saying good bye and he was just there for 5 minutes and I wanted him to stay a bit longer till I left. He got really angry, he looked at my face in such a cold way and told me I was being very clingy and that it was over forever, that we would never talk again. I was so shocked so traumatized. Then he walked away and didn't even look back.

When I arrived he asked if I had arrived safely and we talked on Skype but he still said it was over. He told me that I spoilt things while I was there, that it was my fault. He said I made him run away, that how I could be so clingy at the airport, he said that I made him pay 3 Euros for parking at the airport when he wanted to go quickly. He constantly told me to change myself, he said how I can undermine his authority, whenever I asked when we can talk he says that he doesn't know, not now, not today. He blocked me several times on whatsapp and Skype. He many times told me I am ignorant, a bad listener or that I have bad memory. When I ask questions that don't suit him he tells me to change topic. He even said I had to make an appointment to talk to him.

Then anyway, we got back talking and so many times when he is not available to talk he tells me that he wasn't answering because he was having sex with such and such. Even a weekend after me visiting him he told me how he brought another woman to his house and he was doing with her the same things he did with me. Recently, I texted him one day and he said he was driving and that he was ######6 a girl in another country.

And now, I visited him a third time in his country (and last time for me) because 36 hours is all he offers me and now he even says that it can't be 2 nights but only one (and this is considering I fly from one country to another spending at least 400/500 Euros for 36 hours). I touched him with a packet of paper tissues on his head and he got really angry, he told me I have no empathy and that I am crazy, that that was really bad and that he is so sensitive to noise. I couldn't believe the way he was reacting plus I told him I didn't know that about him so it is not like I did it on purpose. He said that the fact I didn't do it on purpose was irrelevant and that anyone would get annoyed by something like that. I was trying to rationalise with him till he said that then in order for me to understand he would have to beat me. Hours later we went to the mountains and he was holding my hand and hugging me and looking at me as if there were feelings somehow.

Whenever I ask if we will talk he says that maybe, no guarantee or that we will but that he could be wrong. He is always the one who makes the call. Whenever I call him he doesn't answer. Today I said to him to call me sometime and he said "only when I want to!" I asked why I can never call him and he said that I can but then when I asked why he never answers when I call he says "because I didn't want to". And then he said "appreciate it, that I call you"

Well, there are so many things he has told me that it is unreal and I don't know what to think anymore.

I apologize because I haven't read your entire post, but from the first paragraph, I can tell that this guy is abusive and a cheater. He sounds like an asshole, all narcissistic controlling behavior aside. I'd say leave him. You obviously care a lot and maybe someone out there deserves that love.

mixtape02 wrote:

CJC1992 wrote:

Yup that sounds like my ex too. Tried to hang herself on Valentines Day while I was in earshot in the other room, confused about why she was breathing funny. I could write an entire book about her craziness. In fact, I've dedicated an entire blog to her. Mini Hulk Horror. Lol.

Wow, that's deep. To hang yourself knowing that her partner would then most likely be the first person to see it is just nasty. Sure she must be in some sort of emotional and psychological turmoil but to try to take her own life within earshot of you is selfish and attention-seeking. On Valentine's Day of all days too. Do you still have any feelings for her? I can honestly say after all this time I feel nothing for her any more. Not love. Not hate. Nothing. Which is at the place I wanted to be because hating her for so long was a waste of my time and energy. Mini Hulk Horror I think I'd definitely give that a read

Lol do it! There's tons of posts to choose from. http://www.minihulkhorror.blogspot.com/

I don't still love her, but I wish her the best and like I posted on the blog--the only help for Borderlines seems to be therapy and I hope she has gotten it. She also smokes weed and I hope she got her rec and is feeling better off now.

Thanks, mixtape02. I took a look yesterday and there's an extensive collection of posts I see.

It's respectable that you wish her all the best despite everything she's done. My ex also smoked weed regularly although I think she's off it too now. Although, she always was a compulsive liar so who knows?