People who don't like people

Hi. Don't see a specific forum for misanthropy so I'll post here to start. It is a relationship issue - just not confined to love or sex. If it belongs in a different forum let me know. Might say I my attitude is nondiscrimatory since my expectation over the past few years has tilted radically to dislike everyone. Hi and how are you is about as far as I get without finding people irritating. Yes I recogonize that I am probably irritating right back. Frankly I don't much care. I have gotten to where I live like a hermit and pretty much don't mind it. It's not healthy though. To my understanding trust is a major factor in this but it is pervasive. I know my really low opinion of people is overblown but it keeps getting confirmed with the slightest real life interactions. Don't think I am God's gift to the planet either. So what is a misanthrope to do?

Are you unhappy? It's ok to be more of a loner and maybe not like most people that much. You could "practice" caring, maybe. Try to think about how others must be feeling when you interact with them.

Unhappy? I'm in my late 50's, and I'm tired of being the nice guy and getting shafted. All it has gotten me is taken for a sucker and thought of as a fool. I don't disagree but no longer play the doormat. I've been overly considerate of others while there has rarely been thanks or benefit returned. I'm frustrated up past my eyeballs with life. To the point of looking forward to death. (not quite the same as suicidal) I'm tired of getting no cooperation and less respect. I have no motivation to interact with anyone except for knowing that it is not healthy. My thought when I wake up is 'what kind of ordeals am I going to have to put up with today?" Been this way for a long time and leaves me terminally depressed and angry. Can't say I even have any real basis on which to interact with people. No interest in sports, fishing, or hobbies to relate to other males. Whatever females want - acually I have that figured out - it ain't me. Are there local self help groups for the socially inept? My only contacts now are on the net. I'm not looking for love, sex, success, or real happiness. Just a bit of relief as long as I am stuck on this miserable hotel.

Well, people shouldn't take advantage of you. I'm glad you're not letting them. I don't have much contact with others except on the internet and I'm ok with it. I guess that as long as you can interact with others when you need it, it's fine. I hope this place can bring you some relief.

bahhumbug,

"if you say cant, your right"
"if you think you cannot succeed, then you have already failed"

do you agree with the above statements?

Bahhumbug, misanthropy is more common than one would think. You might be interested in the Schizoid PD Forum if you just aren't motivated to have interpersonal relationships. If you're more anxious and fearful regarding other people, the Avoidant PD Forum might interest you as well.

There is nothing inherently wrong or unhealthy about being a loner/hermit, and prefering your solitude. Just because most of the population is socially oriented, doesn't mean that you have to be or that you're unhealthy because you don't want to be social. Why do you feel your misanthropy is unhealthy? Are their aspects of your attitudes and behaviors that you are not satisfied with? If you're content with who you are and what you prefer, and you're not out blatantly hurting others then you don't really have a problem... do you?

Feel free to tell us a little more about yourself. When did you started to notice these feelings? Has your personality made a drastic change (i.e you used to be a social butterfly)? Has anything traumatic happened in your life that might be affecting how you feel about people? Or is it just a cumulative sort of thing?

Unhappy? I'm in my late 50's, and I'm tired of being the nice guy and getting shafted.

The common denominator in your life situations and relationships is YOU, not them. You're teaching people how to treat you - by how you treat and regard yourself. If you're always giving to get - you're likely giving to people that don't have "giving' as a concept".

All it has gotten me is taken for a sucker and thought of as a fool.
When you give to get and don't get what you expect - you think of yourself as a sucker and fool, and you project that onto other people as if they think it as well.

I don't disagree but no longer play the doormat. I've been overly considerate of others while there has rarely been thanks or benefit returned.
You're not a very good judge of character using the 'give to get" approach. You tend to give freely and excessively while standing on the street corner of life, thinking that those who take your offers owe you something in return. Nbodoy "owes" you for taking what you freely offer. That you don't know how to interact without being a benefits and services provider is not their fault or problem.

I'm frustrated up past my eyeballs with life. To the point of looking forward to death. (not quite the same as suicidal) I'm tired of getting no cooperation and less respect.
Cooperation can only be received if clear, concise, accurate communication is given about what is expected - do you do that? What have you accomplished in life that is worthy of respect? For that, peopple will respect you.

I have no motivation to interact with anyone except for knowing that it is not healthy. My thought when I wake up is 'what kind of ordeals am I going to have to put up with today?" Been this way for a long time and leaves me terminally depressed and angry.
You're a reactor - not a responder

Can't say I even have any real basis on which to interact with people. No interest in sports, fishing, or hobbies to relate to other males.
Well, it is a problem to have no use or purpose for being active and involved in life - that's your basic issue.

Whatever females want - acually I have that figured out - it ain't me. Are there local self help groups for the socially inept?
Codependents Anonymous - youo're acting like a "girl" in a sense and women aren't going to find that appealing. USeful if you're giving something away they need - but not appealing.

My only contacts now are on the net. I'm not looking for love, sex, success, or real happiness. Just a bit of relief as long as I am stuck on this miserable hotel.[/b]

exaclibur! thank you! someone who thinks like me on this forum! thats what i was going to try and get across to him, the problem is himself, and his attitude towards things

canadianmetalhead wrote:bahhumbug,

"if you say cant, your right"
"if you think you cannot succeed, then you have already failed"

do you agree with the above statements?

To a point yes although nothing is ever so simple or black and white. Since everything involves interacting with other people there has to be cooperation to succeed. My negative feelings certainly don't help but they are based on a lifetime of losing. Which is the chicken and which the egg?

Plinkrtycat it seems unhealthy because the meaning of life is other people. What is the point of tommorrow if you are the only person on the planet for all practical purposes? What I see ahead for me is getting old(er), getting sick, going broke at some point, and being alone. That's four strikes. I supposse I have been clinically depressed for most of my adult life. The last five years I have gotten increasingly bitter. Heck, I wouldn't hang out with myself. I have always withdrawn when I did not feel wanted - which has been all the time. It's not like I want to be the center of attention but how about others choosing to interact with me without it being because they want something. I can talk intelligently about anything. I have never been a fun guy though. What gives value to life? Is it not what others get from you? Your boss values you for the money he can make off you. Your friends value you for what help or fun you bring to them.

I don't blame others for reacting to me as they do. Becoming aware of the reasons, and no longer being the patsy, I've withdrawn. Obviously withdrawing, as has been my habit, exaberates the problem. Not having interests to relate to others makes it unrealistic to expect others to be interested. See how this goes in a circle?

Excalibur I have replied to your comments in part. I am brutally honest. We are all products of our enviroment and I understand how I beccame this way. I don't blame others, nor do I blame mom. I was always shy and recessive. No body owes I agree. With no interest I have had no expectations other than being treated decently. How anyone developes an interest in something I don't understand. I hear kids say they want to be a marine biologist for example. I have cursiry interest in everyting but that's as far as it goes. Seems harder to be interested in anythng being depressed. Also I have seen and heard most everything before. New music or movies are not really so new for instance. Hard to fake an intense interest in something for more than short time.

Two things you mention I am not clear on. Give to get. Is that not what everyone does? Frankly I can not think of examples not based on that other than heroic acts. Second thing is the difference detween reactor and responder. Care to elaborate?

i think the whole "give what you get" thing is what you see in yourself, and you assume its that way for everyone. i think that you are the problem, and the chicken is your attitude. no one is the same. sure there are people who only wish to use you, but they will only do so if you let them. by reading your post i can tell that you actually do desire to meet and talk with other people, and to be happy, you just dont see it as possible. and going back to my first post, its this attitude which is hindering any progress.