People who don't like people

dark69meat wrote:

plicketycat wrote:In truth, I was extremely lucky to find a compatible mate at work. The rest of the people I talk with are all online. By joining forums geared to people with compatable mindsets (personality types & mental conditions), I have finally found people that I can share with comfortably and be myself around. I eventually found some of these people lived close to me, so the opportunity exists for us to be IRL friends should the mood strike us to be outwardly social.

I too have located people nearby my physical location out of shear coincidence. It's also refreshing when one meets someone with common interests and a special compatibility.

The only real interest I have is politics. Not exactly a topic for casual conversation. Tends toward feeding distain for people actually. Nor am I not a party guy to get involved in a particular campaign.

Excalibur I think you are splitting hairs now. A number of the descriptions for being codependent fit me but I do not see it as a bi-polar one or the other (giver or taker). Regardless I am not interested in serving. Ergo I am looking to interact. I simply do not have any particular passion around which to form relationships. Not being the macho man I don't relate to sport nuts or car freaks. Same with the jobs I have held. Nothing gay about me either although I have been approached a few times. (Why is it a simple no is never a clear answer to them?) Females on the other hand don't really want a friend first. They trade sex for money. Fits the ying yang thing with macho men who trade money for sex. Overall there is a lot in humanity and our society that is lacking. At my age males and females both are pretty jaded.

it sounds as if that is the problem. YOu have a job, you have bills, you pay bills, you have no real interests, passionate goals, or personal pursuits.

That is what creates the common bond among people - sharing the same interests, the same passions, It is what makes people "interesting" even if the same passionate interest is not shared - you're actively living and pursuing life as a whole, who you are in essence, is manifested in your lifestyle, your pursuits, your approach.

There's a difference between distraction and diversion - and interests, pursuits and goals.

Dating is really about distraction/diversion. It's taking time off from the duties and chores - in delightful interactive involvement with someone specifically to allow you no focus on your duties, obligations, and chores.

Movies, concerts, fun events.....great distractions and diversions.

But a relationship is looking outward together towards the goals, values, and lifestyle that was already in existence for each of you as a single person - and now you've found someone that is running on a paralllel path, at the similar pace - by personal choice on each side.

That's why you're having trouble forming relationships that last. Diversions, distraction - it's great. If you have enough money and enough is intersting to you to dabble and dibble in - you'll find a rotating door of people interesting for a short period of time, and be able to contribute and be entertained by them in diversion and distraction activities.

But it doesn't sound as if you like your own company......so how could anybody else.

bahhumbug wrote:Unhappy? I'm in my late 50's, and I'm tired of being the nice guy and getting shafted. All it has gotten me is taken for a sucker and thought of as a fool. I don't disagree but no longer play the doormat. I've been overly considerate of others while there has rarely been thanks or benefit returned. I'm frustrated up past my eyeballs with life. To the point of looking forward to death. (not quite the same as suicidal) I'm tired of getting no cooperation and less respect. I have no motivation to interact with anyone except for knowing that it is not healthy. My thought when I wake up is 'what kind of ordeals am I going to have to put up with today?" Been this way for a long time and leaves me terminally depressed and angry. Can't say I even have any real basis on which to interact with people. No interest in sports, fishing, or hobbies to relate to other males. Whatever females want - acually I have that figured out - it ain't me. Are there local self help groups for the socially inept? My only contacts now are on the net. I'm not looking for love, sex, success, or real happiness. Just a bit of relief as long as I am stuck on this miserable hotel.

you talk as if you like being a hermit but then act depressed because you lack interpersonal relationships with others, and theres has got to be a basis for you to interact with somebody, just because you are not a sports nut etc doesnt mean you lack personality, i hate most sports, but i can still find some really great friends, i have just a few but they are really good ones, i am finding out too that women do not always use good judgement when choosing a partner, i think they are a little hard wired to seek out the more aggressive males just due to how we evolved, but you can still be a nice guy, the trick here is not to let them run all over you, if they sense that you are secure enough about yourself to pick and choose between women based on how they treat you they will find you more attractive, for instance if you feel someone is trying to test you to see how much you will buy for them, you be the one to kick her to the curb! and then you can walk away with your pride and she gets to feel like $#%^ wether or not she had any real intentions or not

and also dont give the extra good looking ones any leeway, they are just thge same, you be the chooser and not the door mat, make dates with many women effortlessly without any preconcived notion that you will want to see them again, and you decide wether or not they are worth your time, and be selective

Ashtray - I am not looking for a relationship with "that someone special". It's really hard to picture myself in any one on one dating situation. I used to remain in a relationship till the last gasp. In the past 5 years plus I learned to evaluate quickly, and rejected the ... well all of them. Some want money, fine dining, and such which is not me. Others want fun and excitement which is not me. Then there are those that just want sex and probably have extra gifts to leave you with. No thanks. Nothing wrong with them wanting what they want but I can see where after a couple dates it would have been dead ends. Can love happen? Sure, but it's not somethng I am even hoping for anymore. I think it has to start as being friends. Friends are like grandchildren. You had enough of them you go home. With a love relationship there is more obligation which is not a problem as long as it is mutual.

I don't see any difference in the longevity of either freindship or love relationships. Both come and go. Both can have intensity and committment. Both are diversions from duties. Bottom line for me is finding somethng as an interest with a way to meet people. Politics is too contentious for that. Meeting compatable people seems to be a matter of chance. Having an interest would improve the odds of course.

bahhumbug wrote:Unhappy? I'm in my late 50's, and I'm tired of being the nice guy and getting shafted. All it has gotten me is taken for a sucker and thought of as a fool. I don't disagree but no longer play the doormat. I've been overly considerate of others while there has rarely been thanks or benefit returned. I'm frustrated up past my eyeballs with life. To the point of looking forward to death. (not quite the same as suicidal) I'm tired of getting no cooperation and less respect. I have no motivation to interact with anyone except for knowing that it is not healthy. My thought when I wake up is 'what kind of ordeals am I going to have to put up with today?" Been this way for a long time and leaves me terminally depressed and angry. Can't say I even have any real basis on which to interact with people. No interest in sports, fishing, or hobbies to relate to other males. Whatever females want - acually I have that figured out - it ain't me. Are there local self help groups for the socially inept? My only contacts now are on the net. I'm not looking for love, sex, success, or real happiness. Just a bit of relief as long as I am stuck on this miserable hotel.