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Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Sat Jan 26, 2019 9:41 pm

Anyone ever blast out of this dimension or have any good experiences with shrooms? This is not to condone any behavior, just would like to know anyone's experience with this. There's not too much to be found on the interwebs about this, just anecdotal, not firsthand stuff.

I know a guy who I suspect is a narcissist with ASPD traits who has taken large doses and seems to be doing alright except his laughter is almost sinister and he seems to be exist in a weird state between either loving life as the weird ###$ it is, in an extremely cynical way or hating it simultaneously for it not living (ha!) up to the name. See, he can act totally screwloose sometimes and another friend of mine has said that the way he has found a way to truly wear the 'reptile skin as his own', which alludes to his trickster like, untrustworthy way of being. He has told me of his dream-yet-real-like alien abductions and seeing dark entitities even without doing any drugs so it has obviously made him somewhat sensitive to what's going outside or daily realities. He's obviously gone way off to separate dimensions many times by now but still seems to hold it together in life and seems to function in society.

As for me, I've now resigned to living in my ebony tower, a shadow of a life that is really not heading anywhere. Am not going out of my way to expand my horizons and just being set in my ways, isolating, feeling like I truly have very little in common with other humans (I never felt like I did tbh, maybe I was ASPD to begin with). Am probably experiencing MDD and I suspect any SSRI treatment would only make me more psychopathic (as seems to be the case for those on the extreme end of NPD). Am not capable of attachment and there's really little to carry me further, except I know I don't want to hospitalize myself (what would that help? to put my family through further hell after what they've been through in. I have little true care for myself nor do I wish to off myself (for prior reasons and obv because I think too highly of myself). The dichotomy is real. I hate myself and don't belive myself to achieve anything worthwhile but am intellectually aware that it's all because of a disordered mind.

How I know is I also have ASPD traits (as I seem to have a way of recognizing most anyone who also does), although I hone it in pretty well but also know this does not lend itself to therapy at all. It just seems useless for know-it-alls like me. I quit my previous appointments because I just couldn't keep up the cost and it felt more like saving face (I am of the covert type). I'm losing people I would've considered 'friends' left and right (not a friend in their book probably, most of them justsee me as an acquaintance. Some Iwho known for longer now I still feel like I don't care truly enough about).

Am at a really bad place right now and tbh I feel I really have nothing I've got to lose.Thinking I should just dose heavy and expect the worst. Am not really looking forward to anything in life and what I'm thinking is I want to meet my shadow and just either scar myself through a bad trip so as to find a something to be said for a 'normal life.

I've had a few experiences, all of which were with my second girlfriend who was very into psychedelics. Did LSD with her twice (second time I felt like I was falling out of the matrix, turned completelly on myself and just felt the nothingness of my existence and totally forgot about her presence there with me. Not a good time for her) With shrooms thoigh we spent time tripping in this amazing natural location and it was the most beautiful place I've seen probably, during autumn time with squirrels playing in the trees, just magical stuff and we stayed out all night tripping the forest/park to see the sunrise which was the most moving thing I've (just felt immense gratitude at the sight and cried out of sheer amazement) After the trip was over of course my ###$ took over and went all analytical and started asking her "but what's it all mean, what can I take out of this?". I was of course still the same asshole so I guess psychedelics can't really teach you gratitude but it is what I'm truly looking for. I know it's the sadistic superego side of me that is looking for this but maybe ego death is the way to go. I do understand that it is very unlikely the ego will be reassembled in any sensible fasion after that but it just seems the way to go until I set my eyes on death as a final option.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby Akuma » Sun Jan 27, 2019 10:01 am

Stop babbling and go see a professional.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby Ravenous » Sun Jan 27, 2019 2:53 pm

So many people go on about how this drug does that or this and is a miracle cure for this.

If it works for you, great. But obviously correlation and causation are not the same thing. There could be a million and one reasons why someone is doing well while taking xyorz.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Sun Jan 27, 2019 3:42 pm

Akuma wrote:Stop babbling and go see a professional.


You are very right about this. I've been to a therapist for a year but just didn't manage to keep up with the cost of going there. Since I tried to keep up paying for it myself it just felt like I was working to survive and go to therapy. Which is mostly to say I abhorred the person I saw myself becoming, as I started to devalue her and didn't really see any return in.

Saying that, are you personally on any medication? And what benefit do you see from it?

I discussed antidepressants with my family practitioner but decided against it in the beginning of autumn in fear of losing any sense of emotion, highs or lows.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:17 pm

Ravenous wrote:So many people go on about how this drug does that or this and is a miracle cure for this.

If it works for you, great. But obviously correlation and causation are not the same thing. There could be a million and one reasons why someone is doing well while taking xyorz.


Sure. Research shows that there might be some basis for believing so. Also I've seen some mentions by people diagnosed with ASPD that shrooms have really kept them from hurting others out of anger as well.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5581487/

Conclusion: These findings provide first evidence that psilocybin has distinct effects on social cognition by enhancing emotional empathy but not moral behavior. Furthermore, together with previous findings, psilocybin appears to promote emotional empathy presumably via activation of serotonin 2A/1A receptors, suggesting that targeting serotonin 2A/1A receptors has implications for potential treatment of dysfunctional social cognition.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby Ravenous » Sun Jan 27, 2019 5:50 pm

Wow. 32 people. Mind blowing. With a sample size like that, it cannot not be accurate.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby Akuma » Tue Jan 29, 2019 8:00 am

SelfSerf wrote:You are very right about this. I've been to a therapist for a year but just didn't manage to keep up with the cost of going there. Since I tried to keep up paying for it myself it just felt like I was working to survive and go to therapy.


Well cynically speaking others are just working to survive so you were kind of better off.

Which is mostly to say I abhorred the person I saw myself becoming, as I started to devalue her and didn't really see any return in.


Well I dunno what kind of therapy it was but its possible you just became more aware of stuff, so maybe it was actually working but your (in)ability to deal with that wasnt addressed. Annoyingly therapy takes ages and most of the time you'll feel either same or worse so it takes quite an amount of stubbornness or willpower in addition to what it costs in many countries. And of course the latter can also act as a good excuse to pay the money one has for easier stuff.

Saying that, are you personally on any medication? And what benefit do you see from it?


No. There isnt any medication for my symptoms. Also some medication that might work on soem specific symptom might pose risks for others to become worse.

I discussed antidepressants with my family practitioner but decided against it in the beginning of autumn in fear of losing any sense of emotion, highs or lows.


I would associate that rather with something like Lithium not with antidepressants per se. Still there is many forms of depression-like symptoms many of which might not be actual depression and for which SSRIs etc might be totally useless or counterindicated. Your talking about drugs seems like you are very attached to the idea of a "magic" pill anyways, which is funny in a way. If you are actually narcissistic but you want to becoem dependent on some sort of mini-breast you can suck on evey time you feel bad, doesnt that make you feel horribly weak.

Oh as to the original question. Yes I took them. Yes I saw funny stuff. No it didnt change anything at all and why would it have.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby cubem0n » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:36 pm

Why are you asking about "any good experiences" with shrooms? They are shrooms, for god's sake, they provide you with ANY and ALL possible experiences, which includes all sorts of horror shows as well.

I've been using shrooms for about 7 years (some ayahuasca and lsd experiences included too), and it has had many changes occurring in me. What do you want to know? I'm assuming you don't want me to lecture you about the possible dangers of using these substances.
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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Fri Feb 01, 2019 1:57 pm

cubem0n wrote:Why are you asking about "any good experiences" with shrooms? They are shrooms, for god's sake, they provide you with ANY and ALL possible experiences, which includes all sorts of horror shows as well.

I've been using shrooms for about 7 years (some ayahuasca and lsd experiences included too), and it has had many changes occurring in me. What do you want to know? I'm assuming you don't want me to lecture you about the possible dangers of using these substances.


Yeah, basically I should've defined a 'good experience' as a positively transforming one to your personality, amplifying your sense of sociableness and whatnot.

And obv I am asking on here because I am interested as it pertains to NPD, so have you been actually diagnosed as well or have went through a self-realization that you have it?
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Re: Shrooms

Postby SelfSerf » Fri Feb 01, 2019 3:20 pm

The reason I'm asking about mushrooms is that I am absolutely convinced that they are a sacred tool and are here for a medicinal reason. Psilocybin is something that connects you to what's around you, regardless your state of mind.

Saying that, I am very aware that set and setting is extremely important, and so is mindset and intention. I am not entirely sure that even if I have an intention 'in mind', that I would be emotionally mature enough to live it through a bad trip. Caution should be taken in any case but the reason I am mainly thinking there might be more than a short-lived effect is this.

Microdosing makes me a lot more mellow and considerate of others. It doesn't shift my perspective a lot because that is of course still grounded in a disordered mind and microdosing doesn't alter reality enough so as to enable any true change.

Erowid Safety Protocol wrote:During this time one may try on various "filters" through which everything is perceived, and create hallucinations or expenence many personalities. The journeyer will be outside of their normal conceptual framework and will be able to look at their thought processes and personality from new angles. Later in the experience they will re-assemble a new personality, based on their old personality, but hopefully improved.


Akuma wrote:Well cynically speaking others are just working to survive so you were kind of better off.

Well I dunno what kind of therapy it was but its possible you just became more aware of stuff, so maybe it was actually working but your (in)ability to deal with that wasnt addressed. Annoyingly therapy takes ages and most of the time you'll feel either same or worse so it takes quite an amount of stubbornness or willpower in addition to what it costs in many countries. And of course the latter can also act as a good excuse to pay the money one has for easier stuff.


That is indeed poignant. Gratitude is the main thing I am aware I'm lacking but it is not a state that one is able to foster only through the mind. You would have to emotionally connect to that state of gratitude. Doing it as a conscious choice through the mind, that nagging ego is still there. It always wants more and is never satiated. And it is not a long-term solution to stay paying large amounts for therapy that doesn't feel like doing any progress in, while struggling to make rent and not being able to allow for anything of 'excess' in life.

Having read a lot about how many professionals in the US are lacking in, it hasn't given me much belief of having trained professionals in helping personality disorders in a country that is tiny in comparison. Schema therapy is fairly new around these parts but there's only paid options.

What I went to was regular talking psychotherapy but I went for a year and a lot of the time felt like I was just fooling my therapist. And to help me she was often just repeating a set of her own learned beliefs about how to help someone with NPD, while I simultaneously deluded myself to believe this perfect false self I presented to her was indeed me, only showing her the vulnerable victimised parts of myself I was comfortable of showing.

Akuma wrote:Your talking about drugs seems like you are very attached to the idea of a "magic" pill anyways, which is funny in a way. If you are actually narcissistic but you want to becoem dependent on some sort of mini-breast you can suck on evey time you feel bad, doesnt that make you feel horribly weak.

Oh as to the original question. Yes I took them. Yes I saw funny stuff. No it didnt change anything at all and why would it have.


It is because I am indeed very attached to it. I am acutely aware of not being able to take full responsibility for my life and of being still a child deep down inside and horribly weak. My defense mechanisms are an exact outcome of that feeling deep down. Always feeling weak and less than does and not allowing for any vulnerability is what has led me to state where I understand cognitively that I can't figure this out merely on my own yet am too proud to allow anyone into my world to actually elicit any change.

Shrooms have always been extremely alluring to me because of all of what I've heard of 'meeting' the shroom as an entity and having wisdom and not imparted the form of just an intellectual message but something felt that you can truly connect do.

The thing is, as the whole issue of NPD is a denial of the shadow and a need to stay perfect, it completely thwarts any possibility for change as the ego doesn't let. Without the ego in the way, you would be capable of seeing your 'bad' parts and would be incapable of denying it and actually connect to it and find some healing in that. Just a thought.
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