Covert narcissism and suicidal thoughts/actions?

I have suicidal thoughts multiple times per day. I often feel like jumping off a building, hanging myself, etc., but I've never attempted suicide at all. I think it's almost a form of self-soothing for me or of punishing myself, rather than a real intention. But I'm not sure.

Do any other covert narcs feel suicidal often? Ever?

If so, what triggers your suicidal ideation, and have you ever attempted suicide?

What eliminates your suicidal urges and makes you feel better?

Does any covert narc self-harm or is that strictly the domain of borderlines?

A couple of times a month with me, I'd say. I think of it as a self indulgence and snap out of it fairly quickly. Gnawing boredom is my biggest problem.

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you suffer from depression?

I've also suffered with suicidal thoughts for some time now. Just like you I suspect it's providing me with some relief when everything is too much. I think I have had real intentions, but I probably wouldn't jump.

I was told by the therapist that suicidal thoughts is a reaction to the feelings one cannot handle. And I think she is right; I cannot cope with the pain. It's mostly triggered by very critical thoughts about myself and my hopeless future - I ruminate a lot about that.

I try to remove focus from the thoughts with everything from podcast listening, calling someone, television, jogging. I find that removing focus helps in most cases.

svenne wrote:I'm sorry to hear that. Do you suffer from depression?

I've also suffered with suicidal thoughts for some time now. Just like you I suspect it's providing me with some relief when everything is too much. I think I have had real intentions, but I probably wouldn't jump.

I was told by the therapist that suicidal thoughts is a reaction to the feelings one cannot handle. And I think she is right; I cannot cope with the pain. It's mostly triggered by very critical thoughts about myself and my hopeless future - I ruminate a lot about that.

I try to remove focus from the thoughts with everything from podcast listening, calling someone, television, jogging. I find that removing focus helps in most cases.

I have a mild bipolar spectrum type condition, mood swings, but they're controlled pretty well by my meds.

How about you? Do you have clinical depression, or are these thoughts triggered by NPD? Do you have NPD/suspected NPD? Any other PDs?

It's interesting. When I have these thoughts, I don't really want to escape them. They're ego-syntonic in a way, because I feel I deserve to die for being such a #######5 person and having such a ###$ up way of interacting with the world and pushing all the right buttons to get angry reactions and, in my mind, hatred from people.

-- Mon Aug 08, 2016 6:48 pm --

MeAgain wrote:A couple of times a month with me, I'd say. I think of it as a self indulgence and snap out of it fairly quickly. Gnawing boredom is my biggest problem.

Thank you for sharing. What seems to trigger your suicidal ideation?

Boredom and emptiness are huge problems for me, too. Always have been, from what I can recall.

I read in a really interesting article, a completely new take on narcissistic personality disorder, that emptiness and a very limited emotional self-awareness, other than the compulsion for seeking supply to validate grandiosity and confirm high status/social rank, is now seen as a hallmark of the disorder.

I think it's just low mood with me. I know I'd be in a better state of mind if I wasn't constantly chasing after the means to live. I should be wealthy! Karen Horney described us as Depressive Personalities, by the way. Suicide is Nature's opt out strategy, I've always believed.

covertunsure wrote:I have suicidal thoughts multiple times per day. I often feel like jumping off a building, hanging myself, etc., but I've never attempted suicide at all. I think it's almost a form of self-soothing for me or of punishing myself, rather than a real intention. But I'm not sure.

Do any other covert narcs feel suicidal often? Ever?

Yes

If so, what triggers your suicidal ideation, and have you ever attempted suicide?

Hopelessness I guess. And yea I ate a package of a neuroleptic once. Didnt work obviously.

What eliminates your suicidal urges and makes you feel better?

I usually wait it out.

Does any covert narc self-harm or is that strictly the domain of borderlines?

I when I was around 19. I sometimes still feel the urge but I dont because well I have only one body.

Not covert, but I do get suicidal when I have a standard for myself that I cannot fulfill. It goes away when I fulfill it or stop caring about fulfilling that standard.

covertunsure wrote:I have a mild bipolar spectrum type condition, mood swings, but they're controlled pretty well by my meds.

How about you? Do you have clinical depression, or are these thoughts triggered by NPD? Do you have NPD/suspected NPD? Any other PDs?

It's interesting. When I have these thoughts, I don't really want to escape them. They're ego-syntonic in a way, because I feel I deserve to die for being such a #######5 person and having such a ###$ up way of interacting with the world and pushing all the right buttons to get angry reactions and, in my mind, hatred from people.

I'm NPD and I'm not diagnosed with clinical depression. Still I'm quite sure myself that I suffer from depression because of the uncontrollable crying and suicidal thoughts.
I don't think it's ego-syntonic for me, well I'm not sure. But it's much about how I've wasted my life and how nothing will ever be okay for me. But maybe, like you, I also feel like I deserve to die for being such a ###$ up all the time.
Don't you find suicidal thoughts really painful?
This idea that other people hate you... do you think you could learn to see it differently? I can't believe people hate you, even if you push their buttons. I noticed you wrote about you've been offered group therapy in another thread (think it was you). I'm going to group therapy, holding on to the believe: it can only get better from here.

I'm a covert Narc and have had suicidal thoughts for phases of say 4 months at a time and maybe 8 months between the phases. A background attitude is that I don't really consent to life - life seems to be an accidental predicament whereby we are all victims. One interesting thing is that my suicidal thoughts tend to fixate on a particular method (e.g. drowning) in a particular place (e.g. holiday place from my childhood) for the whole of one of my phases and then in the next phase the method and place might be quite different.

The trigger for me is when I'm going through a worse time with my wife - which is always prompted by my bad behaviour - passive-aggression, lying, etc. Right now there is more hope that we'll stay together and so I have hardly any suicidal thoughts. I've had so many of these of thoughts and never acted on a single one which makes me think that I'll never actually kill myself even though I have often felt like it.

covertunsure wrote:Do any other covert narcs feel suicidal often? Ever?

Yes, but it's not entirely due to Covert N. it's also due to my multitude of other issues.