Alter stuck fronting

Hi. I am new to this forum as is my husband which you all know as "Unanimous". I am currently not sure what to do or if there even is anything that I can do, but Rachel is stuck in the front and cannot go back. She doesn't want to be out anymore and says that she can't hear any of the others. Jake who is usually the one to protect the system is unresponsive to all stimuli including Rachel hurting herself. The typical things that trigger the others to come out are not working and I don't know what to do. I am fearful that Rachel is going to do something to hurt herself/my husband. Any suggestions at this point or similar stories would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, and welcome. If Rachel is out, especially stuck out, my first concern would be her and her immediate needs. If you can get her to a point where she is more calm, it could help her figure out what's happening, or someone else to come forward.

It doesn't mean of course that the upset or triggering or whatever is all her. She may be just the one who is out. There may be something significant going on inside. Is she normally triggered out? If so, do you know what the trigger was and how you might help her gain some distance from it?

Some of my alters used to get stuck when we were too fatigued as switching can be really energy draining. A good long sleep usually helped us wake up with things back to normal (relatively).

Johnny-Jack: I have tried to make sure that she is calm and have done everything in my power to make sure that she is as happy as is possible for her. This is just very sudden and unfortunately, she doesn't remember anything from yesterday before she showed up. She was just here and has been ever since with no responses from anyone inside.

neveralone: We were able to get a pretty good rest last night because we both thought the same thing. That a good night's sleep would fix the problem, but unfortunately, it was Rachel who woke up this morning and is still here as I write this. It wouldn't be such a big deal if she didn't hate this so much. She is scared and has never been at a point where she couldn't reach the others. Likewise for me. In times past, I have been able to pull my husband back when there was no one there, but nothing I do is getting responses either. I am just at a loss and don't know what else there is to try.

I think reassuring her that it won't last forever is important. Probably that it's happened to others would help too. It happened to my 11-year-old. It was just a day but he had no assurance that it was just temporary. After that day, he was a little less sure of himself for a while, maybe until recently. He hadn't realized until then how much he depended on coaching from two adult alters for what to do, how things worked. I'm not even sure he'd gone grocery shopping yet. Both of us were sort of laid up and barely hearable to him. I think it happened because we wanted him to have an outing with a friend without my usual unsolicited "help" and the gatekeeper maybe overdid that. He seemed a bit lost to be stuck in front that day and I think any alter in that situation, adult or child, might feel that way.

I have been telling her what is being posted here. I also think that she has been reading it. The one thing that I have to add is that one alter is still there. His/her name is Bat and we know nothing about this one at all. All I knew before last night was that Bat was "dormant". I don't know if Bat's awakening has caused a stirring in the system that maybe Rachel isn't strong enough to handle or if Bat is keeping her from having access to the rest of the system. I don't know if that is even possible, but that is the only major new thing that I can think of that may have caused this. Right now, she is sleeping in the hopes that someone else will wake up. I hope so as well. This whole thing is disconcerting to say the least. Last night, she was wanting to be admitted to the psychiatric ward at the local hospital, but due to our financial situation, that will be a last ditch effort. I can't understand completely how terrifying this must be. This is the first time that she has been "alone". For the longest time, she wanted more than anything to live her own life and be her own person and now she realizes that it terrifies her. She has rebelled against the system so much that at first I thought that maybe they were just angry at her, but out of the 12 others that are there, not all of them could hold a grudge like this. Now I don't know what to think unless it has something to do with Bat's awakening.

wifetomultiple wrote:I am fearful that Rachel is going to do something to hurt herself/my husband.

Say more about this. Is it just anxiety, or is there something more to it? Do you have reasons? Even if they seem silly, if you have any reasons share them and lets look at them.

wifetomultiple wrote:Any suggestions at this point or similar stories would be greatly appreciated.

I joined this DID forum a little over a year ago, and in that time several regular DID systems or SOs reported that the host went inside for a day or more leaving some other alter(s) out front. This isn't likely to be permanent. By coming on here and posting and getting responses, many of us do find "things" inside shifting. It is scary but almost always it is also a big step forward. So hang in there, cancel non-essential commitments for the weekend, take it easy, and wait as patiently as you are able.

The reason that I think that she will hurt herself is because she has been suicidal many times in the past including last night. I think that the only thing holding her here at this point is one of our children which she sees herself as the mother of. I was at work, unfortunately when all of this started so I didn't know until I got home and my husband was missing. There was a note essentially saying that she wanted to kill herself, but cut herself instead. I think that she is stable enough at this point to not harm herself, but if it goes on much longer, I don't think that she is strong enough to handle it. She is definitely the weakest alter emotionally. She is in a constant state of depression and this is just making it worse because now, not only is she depressed, but there is no one there to take over so that she can rest.

Rachel went in to try to find everyone and then requested to write. This is what she wrote:

"Where are you? Please help me. I'm so weak. Jake's street is on fire. No Eli, either. Kevin's apartment is ransacked and empty. The wall of ice is huge. Amaliel is not there. Mercury room dark, empty, no Samael. No Marcus. Server room unplugged. No hum. Matty and Ben not in yard. Heather is not in elevator. Basement locked my room. Bat out of chest where...I don't want this. I'm so tired. Where is Blair?"

Bat responds: "SAFE FROM YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU'RE WELCOME."

Johnny-Jack wrote:I think reassuring her that it won't last forever is important. Probably that it's happened to others would help too.

wifetomultiple wrote:She is scared and has never been at a point where she couldn't reach the others. Likewise for me. In times past, I have been able to pull my husband back when there was no one there, but nothing I do is getting responses either. I am just at a loss and don't know what else there is to try.

somewhere last month it happened to us too. one of my male alters was fronting for at least about a week!, with little to no contact with the rest of us, and no way to 'make himself switch back' to a more regular, or a more 'shared' state. it's important for her to realize that your husband will come back. when my male alter fronted for so long he wanted to break up the relationship with my bf of 7 years and he almost cut off our hair.
it's really difficult to realize this but the contact between them will come back. to him it seemed like forever and like he had the power to live his life now.

perhaps, has something changed in life? we have therapy now which, among other things, made him appear more drastically than before.

wifetomultiple wrote:She doesn't want to be out anymore and says that she can't hear any of the others.

i have one alter who suffers from depression. she will last with difficulty for about a week, before she really cant take anymore and then she will go in. this alter just suffers by standard. but once she had enough of the suffering she will go in.
that this alter is suicidal is perhaps a problem she should take care of for herself. perhaps with help of the system (or a therapist if they have one?) once contact has been restored. we've helped her too and she isn't nearly as depressed as she was before we helped her.

wifetomultiple wrote:It wouldn't be such a big deal if she didn't hate this so much.

try to find out things that she likes to make the time more easy on her, try to bond with her if you haven't already.
BUT, think of yourself too. you both deserve to feel at ease.. i know my bf goes through difficult times when (especially when) one of my males front. dont forget about you.