IS IT A OK TO LET A ALTER KNOW THAT YOU ARE AWARE OF THEM

mow59 wrote:you said dropping hints.... do you have any examples that i can be on look out for..

Some hints are: referring to the host by name, or in the 3rd person she, or saying we and us instead of I and me, giving or asking to be called by a different name than the host, not answering to or even disavowing the host's name.

For example, in one session my T addressed me by name, Una, and I yelled I am not Una! Ha ha. I have no idea who that was.

Una+ wrote:

mow59 wrote:you said dropping hints.... do you have any examples that i can be on look out for..

Some hints are: referring to the host by name, or in the 3rd person she, or saying we and us instead of I and me, giving or asking to be called by a different name than the host, not answering to or even disavowing the host's name.

For example, in one session my T addressed me by name, Una, and I yelled I am not Una! Ha ha. I have no idea who that was.

hello,
Are these hints done intentionaly or are they just slips. If intentional is there a purpose behind it. ? thanks.

Okay, here are some random comments. Firstly, mow59, I have to give you tremendous credit for asking this question and continuing to engage in this because it indicates you're sensitive to the issues involved. I think each situation has to be addressed individually. You want to move forward and let her know that you're available, you don't want to leave her stuck in non-awareness or triggered switching and the sometimes resultant chaos, but you don't want to shock her system either.

Since you're asking this about your step-daughter, an adult whom you raised from age 12, I think your ability to approach her is in direct proportion to how your relationship has been during the past three decades. Does she trust you and know she is safe with you? Assuming she does, I think you are in a unique position to help her. Stating things on occasion, in a place in a conversation where it's appropriate, like the following could help pave the way.

1. I love you, all of you.
2. You know I'm safe, we can talk about anything.
3. I can't stand it when children are hurt. I just want to do anything to help them be safe.
4. Sometimes little children get so scared, they need to know there's someone who will listen to them and believe them. If a child tells you something bad happened to them, it usually turns out to be true.

Showing your step-daughter, any of her alters, that you're reading about dissociative identity disorder, could help bring up the topic and would suggest your awareness and wouldn't be too suspect since she's already expressed an interest in it, as I recall.

If you're pretty sure an alter is out and if you have a sense of what her difference is from your step-daughter's host, appreciating the skills or a personal trait of that alter which is different from your daughter's host without rejecting the daughter's host personality could subtly let the daughter know you recognize and are fine with the difference.

This thread has great importance for me. There are two themes going in parallel: recognizing when someone is switching between alters, and how to approach alters who may not be aware they are alters or may be aware but trying to pass unnoticed.

Re recognizing the switching, I started another thread today about The Three Faces of Eve. When I saw the film not long after discovering my DID, I wondered if the way Eve switched was typical. Well, it is typical. I have seen another person switch in a similar way. The switching happens like this: in the midst of talking about one thing they pause, then they are on some other topic, then they pause again and resume where they left off before the first pause. This change of topic can be a seemingly parenthetical, tangential detour in the conversation, or a dramatic and confusing disruption. Switching in progress is not always apparent. My husband has not noticed me switching, and when he saw Eve switching in the film he didn't go "hey, I have seen you do that!" I have not seen myself switch, either, but I know I do switch because I lose time.

I think the person I have seen switching is not aware of switching. They might not even be aware they have DID. I need to decide how to proceed with this person, someone I do not know well but sometimes work with closely. I have lost time with this person at least once. Two people with DID interacting and losing time together is a recipe for chaos, especially if one or both are not aware that this is happening. What should I do? I like the approach John (Johnny-Jack) outlined, but in my case saying "I love you, all of you" probably would not go over well.

Well, if they start brining up DID as a blanket topic, not saying they have it but just bringing it up, that's usually a good hint. Like Una said, refering to the host as a different person or talking about "Theb body/friend/spouse/job" usually indicates they don't feel they have relation to it. Refering to themself as we is always a big hint.
Also, if their voice or accent changes suddenly, you might want to acknowledge that.

It can be intentional or just an accident. If it's on purpose, they probably want you to figure out they have DID.

And we agree with Johnny-Jack, as well.
~Rage

Oh, I wanted to add that another big clue you're dealing with an alter other than one of the usual suspects is if the person suddenly has amnesia for something you know they usually remember, or something that just happened and normally they would have remembered. And you have no other explanation (no heavy drinking, medication, brain injury, etc.).

Una+ wrote:Oh, I wanted to add that another big clue you're dealing with an alter other than one of the usual suspects is if the person suddenly has amnesia for something you know they usually remember, or something that just happened and normally they would have remembered. And you have no other explanation (no heavy drinking, medication, brain injury, etc.).

Any more input would be great,,, alot going on here... thanks.

mow59 wrote:Any more input would be great,,, alot going on here... thanks.

Uh oh. Could you describe for us some of what is going on? It is hard to know what you need to know when we are so much in the dark about your experiences. If you don't feel safe posting in public, you could try a PM to one of us that you feel safe enough disclosing to.

Another clue is drastic changes of affect and attitude. For example: one alter might hate you and attack you; and another alter might want to climb in your lap for a cuddle and seem unaware that hours or even minutes ago "she" was attacking you.