my person

i think i have a distorted body image but i don't know how to be sure
like i'm not seeing accurate. or maybe my seeing isn't it, and i am distorted

You could try asking someone you trust to physically describe you and then compare notes.

I know that when I look in the mirror I'm always shocked at the fact I see. It's just not me.

there's no one i can trust enough to ask. yeah, mirrors weird me out too

Why do MIRRORS freak you ??

I'm not sure. He seems to think we're present in them, but he's just avoiding the truth. We're always present.

Hi, Lars and the others. Mirrors are poison for some of us with DID. I cannot look in the mirror because the host body is older and does not look like me or what I expect. It's not only the age, I think we used to be able to see ourselves in the mirror when we were young but we cannot do that anymore. We all used to look a little different.

Perhaps we slept for too long. Our young one Jack will not look into a mirror. He forgot and did by accident today and it was disaster. Emotional meltdown, panic, and the host had to keep sending him back inside until he was calm, hours later. He is still in shock. Randomly when the host has looked in the mirror in the past, he does not recognize the person looking back. Depersonalization.

and the depression. past black, it is a clear empty soulless apathy. like i have been eaten by life. by the world

Probably many of us have felt this, I have and still do sometimes. Then it gets better, then it goes toward darkness. The feelings and the memories or events that cause them suck. It sounds like you've been harmed but not wholly devoured by life because there's enough left to reach out to fellow sufferers.

do you feel-see there is strong I and weak i. like a whole person is idea but in parts he don't connect, and there are many blurred areas. goes back and forth

difficult to express

there are gaps. like a person is made of all their images and how they relate but no fixed boundary

Your language is gap-y, almost poetic, but it registered something for me, maybe not exactly what you meant. Before I was sure I was multiple, I felt the strong me had somehow gotten lost. And I needed him back. I felt my past was incomplete, with only pictures to substitute for real events. Correct actually because my alters gave me those mental images to plug the gaps of things I never did, of their events that I never attended.

He means he isn't a real person and he knows it.

We struggle with this issue but in summary we believe we are a set of real people in one real body. We may end up as one real person or more than one but we're all still real.

-- Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:27 pm --

i like bands like radiohead, especially that song they did about disappearing. it how i feel sometimes

Wow, Lars, beautiful eerie disturbing song, How to Disappear Completely by Radiohead. Clearest representation of trauma dissociation described in song I've heard. Had flashbacks twice just listening. No problem, I'm just stating what happened. I hesitate to post but everyone's been forewarned.

*** TRIGGER WARNING ***
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vFaoA7t ... re=related
Lyrics. Note the Liffey is a river in Ireland running through Dublin.
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/ ... 89002b6b6f

Sounds like the gaps you are talking about are "fragmented personalities" undeveloped alters that are only partially capable of functioning on their own.

Persona X wrote:I'm not sure. He seems to think we're present in them, but he's just avoiding the truth. We're always present.

Rings very true indeed

Would we still fear mirrors if we were honest with them? Or would they make charming companions?