Fantasy/denial while situations are happening

We have a particular part who tends to talk to us, rather than take over. Kind of like a coach, or maybe like a supportive person.
So when something is happening that we cannot cope with, and feel like we can't run away from, this part starts talking about fantasy/denial. Kind of like:
"Look at all the blue waves, endless blue waves. And you are getting lost in them, so so far away."

"There is an angel and its big wings are all around you, protecting you. Can you count all the feathers? You are safe here, you are protected."

Or like what happened last week, incorporating elements of real life..."Look at that feather, do you see how soft it is? It's just as soft as the waves of the water you are sailing on. Can you hear it? (The water in the heater). Can you feel the soft going up and down of the waves? You are on the Seine now and you're making your way to Paris. It's beautiful weather and you're eating croissants. Nothing bad happens in Paris. Can you taste the croissants? This isn't real, you are actually in Paris and everyone is happy."
Etc.

The thing is, this happens *while* things are happening - WHILE people are talking to me and sharing things that are hard to hear, WHILE I went through traumatic stuff.

It's not like everything gets blurry and my senses give out, but it does diffuse the memories and makes them different. It's not like I can remember what was said last week in that moment. And I was pretty much frozen, unable to move. It seems sort of dissociative, but maybe not really. I'm not so sure.

I do understand how the part is trying to protect us.

I wonder if people relate or have experienced something similar. Or have a word for this.

It sounds a bit like some guided meditations we used to follow. A friend of us has a part who is interested in eriksonian hypnosis / self-hypnosis and uses similar images to help the other parts calm down.

Therefore, maybe this is the words you were looking for: light hypnosis / self-hypnosis / guided visualization meditation.
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Daniel.

agreed. I would call it self-hypnosis/self-induced trance too. Depending on the definition of dissociation used that counts as dissociative. You should be able to develop more willful control over it than over dp/dr or shutdown responses

that sounds kind of neat. we have only had it where a shield of sorts was put up muting everyone around us when it was a difficult situation as a way to try to protect us.

i understand what you mean when you are in the middle of something and someone is talking inside though. i experience that at times too, but not with the fantasy element, more just being talked to which completely confuses me because i cannot focus on both internal and external things at once. it can be really disorienting.

That part sounds like they have both protector and caretaker roles for you. And the way they're helping you sounds like it was essential when you were younger, but now is kind of interfering with your ability to experience things in the present.

I think it's dissociative. My take on it is that it's a much more creative and elaborate protection than, for example, being made very sleepy when something difficult is going on, or just being distracted by a train of thought related to something in the environment (both of which happen to us when something difficult is going on). It seems to incorporate derealization, but in a very purposeful way.

I guess I basically agree with what others have said. Are you feeling like they're stepping in too soon to take you away from what's happening?

Thank you all for your responses. It really means a lot.

I decided to look into self-hypnosis for a bit and it does seem similar.
But I wouldn't necessarily call it comfortable or neat or nice. I'm grateful to have the response, but I would be even happier if I could take it in and process the actual events. I guess that's work for the future...

I think it may be something I inherited from my father. He just told me that as a child he would often start fixing cars inside of his head. Seeing all of the details and taking all of the tiny steps necessary. That seems very similar to me - something that is sufficiently distracting to be cut off from whatever is really going on...

fireheart wrote:I think it may be something I inherited from my father. He just told me that as a child he would often start fixing cars inside of his head. Seeing all of the details and taking all of the tiny steps necessary. That seems very similar to me - something that is sufficiently distracting to be cut off from whatever is really going on...

That sounds similar to what I like to do sometimes. For example, I would design computers in my head.

To me, it sounds like a co-conscious experience since you can hear the alter and are still aware of what is happening around you. That is often my experience. Sometimes I can hear (or even see) what is going on inside while simultaneously being aware of what is happening externally.

It seems to me like the alter is trying to comfort you all and just doesn't know another way to so that you can be safe and at the same time process what is happening externally. I would say it's definitely a dissociative experience still with elements maybe of maladaptive daydreaming.

It might be a good idea to work on this step by step. As an example, asking the protector to allow 1% of the difficult event to filter through, so that you can start a desensitivation similar to what is made for allergies. Then, 2%. And so on, untill you manage to take it all while still feeling safe.

What do you think? Would that be an acceptable way of dealing with the situation?
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The Mirror.

We have an alter, Sphinx, whose job became calming down young alters under various circumstances, speaking things that were very positive and reassuring. Some of us used to think he was our guardian angel, which I guess he was. He is an alter of the type internal self helper. In other words, he rarely fronts but does monitor things behind the scenes and sometimes helps when he can.

What your alter is saying struck me as particularly beautiful and kind.

Sphinx also has had an ability to send a physiological calm throughout the body, like the opposite of a flush of excitement. I think he did this when he found key elements of the central nervous system becoming overloaded. He monitors us the way someone might monitor a machine. It was without doubt a necessary skill at certain points in our lifetime.

It should be worth talking aloud or internally or writing to this alter -- whatever tends to work in your system -- and let this one know how they might approach their role a bit differently.

I'm grateful to have the response, but I would be even happier if I could take it in and process the actual events.

This is something you could say, verbatim and with a little variation. Most of our alters do tend to listen and understand -- eventually -- if we address them (or everyone generally) over a long period of time with a simple, consistent message.