Kitty lover’s healing journey

We often tend to bottle up our emotions and will pretend to be ok when we’re not -and we’ve really been working on trying not to do that anymore. Basically that awful feeling when I was still living in the same house as my dad at times after realizing he abused me and had to hide that knowledge from my parents out of fear is what I felt subconsciously my entire childhood. I think a lot of my behavior problems as a child were me just trying to get my anger at being an abused child who couldn’t fight back out . Since I really wanted to be well behaved and good I learned to repress that anger . A lot of our self harm has been driven by us basically taking our anger out on ourselves . Learning that feeling angry doesn’t make us bad or like our abusers and that we can get that out in ways that don’t hurt us or anyone else . Sometimes that can involve doing things we were taught not to do as kids -we’ve been screaming a lot when we’re alone recently because honestly it often helps . And as my therapist (the one I didn’t think I could curse in front of ) put it “if you need to curse you need to curse” . I highly recommend to everyone that you shouldn’t censor yourself during therapy , and if your therapist really can’t deal with you cursing during therapy you should probably get a new one . Realizing I really didn’t need to censor myself and cutting that out made a huge difference in our relationship! The one thing we really still struggle to be able to do is cry , sometimes a few tears will come out but I think we need a really good full out cry and just can’t figure out how to make that happen . It’s possible based on our research that this is because of our antidepressants but we’re afraid we might not be able to handle going off of that too.