Kitty lover’s healing journey

Just wanted to let everyone know I’ve been doing pretty good. I’m actually trying to gradually come off of seroquel with supervision from my psychiatrist . I’ve been having these weird tics lately and they could potentially be a side effect . I always say that seroquel saved my life and helped me get more stable but when I started taking it I was in a very different situation (still in college , which was stressful and seeing my dad a lot more often) so I’m hoping maybe I don’t need it anymore

Glad to have some news!

It's okay to switch meds or change the posology or stop meds when they no longer prove useful. In fact it's exactly what needs be done. It's great your psychiatrist is listening to you and working together with you for this!

Been feeling ….unstable lately . It started after I found a new alter named asmodeus , he looks like a stereotypical old wizard and his job is to try to help the other alters in the inner world (so I guess we do have one ….I just can’t go there) . Memory is very bad . Keep hearing screaming in my head . Getting triggered easily.

Sending tons of moral support.

I understand Asmodeus' desire to keep everything hidden inside but some alters need to peek outside and really experience that "here and now is safe" so they can stop hurting.

Hope you'll all find a solution.

It really feels like every single adult I knew as a child is a suspect now …. The most recent suspect is my grandfather . No not my dad’s father even though that would make more sense , my mom’s . It started with some of my alters being nervous when I was going to see him , and just last night he was in one of my trauma nightmares. And no we still haven’t figured out who the man who some of my alters call their master/the father of our angel baby is

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. There was a time when I had to track down every male from our childhood and eliminate them from any of the Bad Stuff that happened. I had to discount my uncle, my father's best friend, and pretty much every male we knew before we could say 'this was who hurt us'. It's awful to suspect everyone because of what happened. I hope you find resolution and please take care of yourself.

Vi.

Trigger warning-disscussion of death


My grandfather is showing signs of nearing the end of his life . Likely mostly just old age , he has dementia but what that typically looks like at the end is someone unable to talk or do anything for themselves and he’s not there . It’s weird because I know he really wasn’t a good person , he emotionally and psyichally abused his children as well as possibly molesting me but I’m still sad about it . And I do have some positive memories with him . I’m sure someday when my dad dies I’ll feel sad too.

It's alright to be sad about it. I know that it is hard to understand. I still miss my mom despite realizing all the bad things she did. Those emotions are complex and weird and contradictory, but it is ok to feel them. I do hope you will be alright and I know it might be rough.

Take care of yourself,
Vi

Remember for every bad memory you have of a person part of you/one of you will have grown up not knowing about that memory. That is the nature of our condition. And that part/alter deserves the right to grieve the person they knew even if in reality that person never existed and is only the ghost of a person they could have been if the abuse had not happened. The parts/remaining alters that can remember the abuse also deserve the chance to "angry grieve" the lost of the apology which, if we are honest with ourselves would never have come but we still hold out hope for, for as long as our abusers are alive.

Alisha has been acting well like a toddler except with serious trauma . My niece is around the same age now and it’s hard to imagine a small child like that having to go through the kind of abuse we did at that age , or someone even being evil enough to do that like our dad did .It’s probably my fault that I saw my dad over the holidays because that’s when it all started . Yesterday she mistook one of the staff at the day program (who we trust , but does kind of look similar to our dad ) for our dad and got triggered . That night we basically had a tantrum , I let her make our body do that because it felt better then trying to hold it in