Hello everyone,
I haven‘t been here in a while so I‘ll write a little bit about how I‘ve been doing. If you don‘t care you can skip to the next paragraph. I have been doing very bad. Since I‘ve found out about being multiple my anorexia has come back and I am severely underweight. I have met a three year old part that was dormant a few days ago and I am so shaken up. I don‘t want there to be more parts, not in the sense of „if they are there they should hide“ but more „I dont want to have been traumatized so badly more parts were necessary“. I remember more Trauma than ever, my long time boyfriend and I have broken up because I am too sick. I don‘t have a Job anymore, barely make it through the months on savings alone. It‘s been a little bit better since the new year because I have gotten an amazing social worker, that understands me and my situation (not the DID part but she accepts it and believes me when I say I can not control my body sometimes), she helped me get government financial aid and is helping me become completely independent from my parent. I started a youtube channel which is something I wanted since I was 15, to help other people going through what I‘m going through less alone and (eventhough I don‘t have subscribers or anything like that) I feel more capable of getting better. Until Therapy today.
I have been going to a DID specialist since August 19, in the beginning our relationship was good and I felt safe and able to express my emotions. In november a little went to therapy (usually it has been me-julia going to therapy, she got triggered out but I and my friend (whom I was hanging out with) encouraged her to go to therapy. Since then it has been very different. She used to be very attentive, knew what‘s recently happened and helped me with stabilizing my life.
In november we (me-julia and my therapist) filled out a form for the government so I can receive help with finding a job. Today we filled the form out again (she apparently never sent it in & just lost it? That is my assumption) because I asked her about it since I received a letter saying the form was never turned in. She forgot that I am unemployed and asked my how my work has been going lately (she didn‘t mean applying for jobs, she referred to me being a waitress). She forgot what my diagnosis are and what Trauma I‘ve gone through. Now I understand that she is probably seeing many patients and that the holidays were probably especially stressful but these are things she could have easily checked in my file before the session. This makes me feel very worthless, like not even my therapist cares enough to be prepared and she is payed to care, why would anybody that isn‘t paid to care?
I know I should bring these things up with her in my next therapy session, but I am very anxious. I am not good with confrontation and do not complain. I have terrible anxiety regarding authority figures and I see her as one. Do you have any tips how to talk to her about it? I‘ve never written her an E-mail so I think it‘d be weird if I did that (but I think there I could tell her about my disappointment in todays session)
I hope you‘ve all been well. I will catch up with the forum for a little while,
Julia