I'm not quite sure who I am right now

-Michael (a temporary? name)-

Hi all. Earlier I had an odd experience. I was lying in bed with Lucy, they're usually always out and dominant. They started thinking that they were just crazy and making everything up and started trying to push everything away, for the first time in a very long time, something I wasn't sure could happen, they stopped being out. They were inside fighting and kicking and biting while others held them back.

Now it is me. I am someone who is also there, I think, most of the time. Maybe the original. Pretty sure most always co-hosting with Lucy. I've chosen the name Michael. Lucy is still upset. I very concerned but I'm not afraid.

Is this something that has happened or something similar has happened to anyone before? Should I just wait it out and see if Lucy gets any better? I still feel their lingering thoughts and everything, it's like we were together so long it's odd to be apart now. Any advice anyone could give would be appreciated. Thank you. I will also be posting this experience to my blog in order to keep track of everything.

Yes, it sounds like experiences that I've had. Certainly the part about someone getting overwhelmed and needing to retreat for awhile, leaving someone else to handle things.

When we have confusing things going on, we try to journal about it. So I would let Lucy journal, and the others who are holding her back also, and you can add your perspective. What are the different feelings that everyone is having?

Some general concepts that we try to maintain: 1) everyone is entitled to their feelings, even if they directly contradict someone else's feelings. 2) everyone is entitled to express their feelings, but we each need to stay aware of whether our feelings are overwhelming someone else, and to take care of anyone who is feeling overwhelmed.

So an example for us would be if our protector, NoName is very angry at our T and is ranting about them and some "idiotic" thing that they did and how they don't really care about us, etc, that might be overwhelming and upsetting to our Little who loves him and feels like he does care. So we might stop and reassure her that she can still feel cared about--that that is still true for her, it's just that NoName is upset about something that the T did.

In your case, it might mean reassuring Lucy that it's ok for her to feel like she's making everything up--that she might need to feel that way right now, but it's upsetting some other people who don't want to be pushed away. And to the other people, you might explain why Lucy is upset, and that she might need some time alone right now. And then maybe you can spend some time doing something that Lucy likes to do, so you (plural) are not dwelling on the situation.

That's just how we might approach it. Other people might have different ways.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Yes, it sounds like experiences that I've had. Certainly the part about someone getting overwhelmed and needing to retreat for awhile, leaving someone else to handle things.

When we have confusing things going on, we try to journal about it. So I would let Lucy journal, and the others who are holding her back also, and you can add your perspective. What are the different feelings that everyone is having?

Some general concepts that we try to maintain: 1) everyone is entitled to their feelings, even if they directly contradict someone else's feelings. 2) everyone is entitled to express their feelings, but we each need to stay aware of whether our feelings are overwhelming someone else, and to take care of anyone who is feeling overwhelmed.

So an example for us would be if our protector, NoName is very angry at our T and is ranting about them and some "idiotic" thing that they did and how they don't really care about us, etc, that might be overwhelming and upsetting to our Little who loves him and feels like he does care. So we might stop and reassure her that she can still feel cared about--that that is still true for her, it's just that NoName is upset about something that the T did.

In your case, it might mean reassuring Lucy that it's ok for her to feel like she's making everything up--that she might need to feel that way right now, but it's upsetting some other people who don't want to be pushed away. And to the other people, you might explain why Lucy is upset, and that she might need some time alone right now. And then maybe you can spend some time doing something that Lucy likes to do, so you (plural) are not dwelling on the situation.

That's just how we might approach it. Other people might have different ways.

I'll definitely give that a go. Thank you for your advice, it makes us all feel less chaotic. <3

I second The Gang!

About the chaos thing, I may add, sometimes when we co-front or when we wake up in the morning or at other moments, we don't know who we are either. It's almost every day when waking up, though most of the time Ulysses seems to be the first up, we just wake up and pause and ask, gosh, who am I right now?

Happened too when the first ones to reach consciousness, reached consciousness. "Gosh. I'm someone else now. But, who am I?"

So, you're not alone in that. Also, I like your (temporarily?) chosen name, you have nice taste

--Zami--

Hi Michael,

We've had similar experiences as well, of parts (especially our main fronters) getting overwhelmed and needing to take a break.

V2 and I have both had to take breaks from fronting / hosting, and Arin is currently 'on break'.

Not knowing who we are, for us that tends to happen when there's some blending going on, 2 or more parts sort of coming together unexpectedly out front. Then we get kind of mixed up, some of A's traits and some of B's traits, but don't really feel like either of them?

We agree with all Gang's suggestions. We also will reassure the one who's currently taking a break, and talk with them or send them messages letting them know they are valued, and we want them to feel safe and all that sort of thing. Like, just kind of making sure they know we're there for them whenever they're ready to return.

Good luck.

V1

ArbreMonde wrote:I second The Gang!

About the chaos thing, I may add, sometimes when we co-front or when we wake up in the morning or at other moments, we don't know who we are either. It's almost every day when waking up, though most of the time Ulysses seems to be the first up, we just wake up and pause and ask, gosh, who am I right now?

Happened too when the first ones to reach consciousness, reached consciousness. "Gosh. I'm someone else now. But, who am I?"

So, you're not alone in that. Also, I like your (temporarily?) chosen name, you have nice taste

--Zami--

It's good to know we're not alone in that! And thank you. <3

-- Tue Oct 15, 2019 3:13 pm --

Amythyst wrote:Hi Michael,

We've had similar experiences as well, of parts (especially our main fronters) getting overwhelmed and needing to take a break.

V2 and I have both had to take breaks from fronting / hosting, and Arin is currently 'on break'.

Not knowing who we are, for us that tends to happen when there's some blending going on, 2 or more parts sort of coming together unexpectedly out front. Then we get kind of mixed up, some of A's traits and some of B's traits, but don't really feel like either of them?

We agree with all Gang's suggestions. We also will reassure the one who's currently taking a break, and talk with them or send them messages letting them know they are valued, and we want them to feel safe and all that sort of thing. Like, just kind of making sure they know we're there for them whenever they're ready to return.

Good luck.

V1

Lucy is, for now, taking a break. They're obviously super overwhelmed with everything. They're strong, but can't just always take on the world like they've been doing. Thank you for your advice <3