When you first became aware of your alters was it startling

Sometimes things pop in my head and it scares me. Last night I was thinking about something kind of triggering. All of the sudden the thought popped up "I squiggles" in a child like tone. It startled me so much that I actually felt my blood pressure spike. Was it like that for you?

Yes. It was very frightening when we first started to become aware of each other, and when we first started discovering we lost time. It was frightening when we realized other alters would take over the body sometimes.

It's been almost 2 years for us now, and we are all mostly used to all of it now. It doesn't scare us any more. Sometimes the memory issues make us upset, or sad, but we're no longer scared or surprised by each other.

V1

We were in contact with a very healthy system (Team PSI) who was kinda "born aware" if we can say so. And we had read kilometers of stuff about multiplicity and summarized them for Team PSI (who has trouble reading english) so we entered our co-awareness very well prepared for it.

Therefore for us, at least the ones who are aware of being a system (the only ones Theia allows to reach consciousness) becoming co-aware was much of a "OMG we don't have to go through it all alone SQUEEEEE" kind of feeling.

Whenever someone from the "background" becomes inquisitive of what happens in consciousness and has a look, it's for us more of a feeling of "hello there newcommer, wanna join?" rather than being frightened. Some sit back and observe, then decide it's not for them so they go back to the innerworld. Others (that's Envy xD ) jumped into it first, then asked what the drill was all about.

~ People from the WorldTree ~

Thanks guys

Hi Rive,

I'm at the point too where I'm discovering new parts or alters. I'm not sure what they are but like you described, it's getting random thoughts or saying random things that I have no idea where they come from. It was scary at first. I thought I was losing my sanity but then I learnt about dissociation. I have memory and time loss sometimes, but it's not so bad anymore. Me and little one have started to communicate better. It's no longer scary.

WindRiderFairy

Thanks, WindRiderFairy

It's starting to get a little less scary for me too. Just sometimes the thoughts can be abrupt or loud. Really though now I'm the point if I dont have them I worry.

We always knew. Didn't know we were different from everyone else. Didn't know it was caused by trauma. Didn't know...all the details. Was gently put to me. Doc said..you know how you do x, y, z. Well, there is a name for that. Didn't know it was a problem. Thought SPD..single personality disordered...we're lazy, incompetent, underachieving. Discovered the benefits of being DID before the downside. Had no idea of how many or the pain they endured. Definitely not phantom cooperation. Today..we're having an issue!...not sure that's a benefit!

Thanks, KingsleyHere

For me it was terrifying to realize they were part of "me"... that we were a single whole... in fact, it took a while for me to even get a prognosis that that was possible, much less a diagnosis...

I had known many of the others for many years before I had been confronted with them being "me". That day, the day I was confronted with evidence they were me... it was terrifying. I was in shock for at least a week... and the month before my first time seeing the T was very unsettling and weird... it was extremely difficult.

A month after seeing the T and the tests showing what they'd expect to see given the prognosis... basically confirming dissociation... I was both relieved (we had answer, even if I didn't understand it) and terrified (this absolutely shattered my sense of who I was and what "my life" was and had been).

So, long and short, absolutely it's startling. It destroys the singular sense of self and the notion of having a solid idea of who you are. It shreds the pages of your life story by forcing you to realize and accept what you see as "the story" is just pages of the entire book, and many of them are blank to you - and you don't know why. THAT is scary.

Personal identity and life history that forms it is the basis of knowing anything- I believe it was Aristotle that once said "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.". This turns that on its head. How do you KNOW anything, truly, if you have to accept that you don't know your own life, or who you really wholly are?!

Not for most of us 'Insiders' but for our Host? Oh yeah! Kaden, who up to this point apparently had no idea that we exist, was pretty freaked out when the first alters started to move closer to the forefront. But we had no idea that Kaden hat no idea about our existence and that we were freaking him out, so we were just doing our thing. Luckily Kaden, with some help from the nice people here, decided to reach out to us, trying to build a bridge and making it easier for all of us to "meet" and interact. After that it became a little bit more easy every day and we have a pretty solid conversation now - at least most of the time. It's still not easy but at least we now somewhat know how to deal with trouble and other things within the system.

I hope you feel better soon,
Brooklyn