"TW" are you the child born

So here goes, about a year ago in office of T I had a breakdown. There is not a birth certificate in my name or any of the others. I was so distraught that I was out of control as to how could that be? He said I had a certificate, yet it was not my name, this still weighs heavy on this warped mind.

Has anyone thought or encountered this in their lives, or am I a basket case.



Bill and many

I'm not exactly sure what you mean. The name on our birth certificate is the body's name--the one we all answer to in the outside world and that represents our system. Only the T (and to a much lesser extent, the husband), knows and can sometimes recognize one of us individually.

None of has the same name as the body, which makes sense to us, because "the child born" doesn't have an identity yet. That's a developmental task which happens over the first 2-3 years, unless it's interrupted by trauma, in which case it can take longer or just not happen.

So a single identity doesn't form. We never became that person whose name is on the birth certificate. We are a system that happened because of trauma, and dissociation helped us preserve all the positive capabilities of that person, but they're hard to consistently access because of all the protections that we needed to have as well.

Is that a helpful response?

Hi Bill,

I know its a lot to process. I'm sorry you're struggling with this. You aren't a basket case, what you're describing is something we live with ourselves every day.

There are nearly 20 of us in our system, none of us are 'the born one' and we know it. Our previous host might have wanted to believe she was such, but we know she wasn't, and she's no longer around to discuss it.

As Gang explains, current DID theory says there isn't really a 'born one' or an 'original part' in DID systems, though we understand some parts can feel that they are such.

As for the birth certificate, it's just a piece of paper. It does not define you, any of you. And if it bothers you too much, you can get it changed - though best make sure all of you are in agreement on that first.

FWIW we've changed ours, as did our previous host. In fact we're on our 4th 'legal name' now.

V1

I'm the one who is supposed to identify with the legal name. I'm our main front, and I use our legal name without problems when taking care of daily things, like telling who am I when I make a phone call about something official. If people in everyday life call me with that name, it feels weird to me tho. Somehow I don't want to, I don't know if it feels like they're getting too close or if I just don't really identify with it either, but just don't pick another one because it's convenient to go with legal one.

Non of the system members say my name aloud to me, that's kind of taboo. And how can I know, I may have another secret inner life, or used to have one, that I do not remember anymore and they know my "real" name. Or they just know it feels forbidden to use it. Little one calls me the adult or something similar, I don't know if he even knows I have a name. Littles don't think things like that, and I have never introduced myself to him. I don't know how I would, because I'm rather the adult outside than hear him calling me with the name I'm suppose to identify with. So, I guess I don't, or that I do but it's too connected with the past and feels too intimate.

I know what papers say, so it has never been a surprise for me what the legal name is. If I'm the child born, well, we all are parts of the child who was born. If I'm the one who has been main front from "the beginning"? I don't know, I do have memories like it could've been me. Maybe recreated myself few times? I do not know. Most of our life, me/who ever the main front was had no identity. I started to have mine at the same time Lucas came into the system, and it's really hard to know what all is because of him, or just him in the end. I don't stress about it tho, I'm fine with not knowing anything most of the time, I don't have need to try to control the system, because I trust in it. I know there are parts who know way more than I do. I hope Leon would not be too overwhelmed with all he knows, that's all. But he has Lucas helping him out now too.

I agree it's just a piece of paper, the birth certificate. And there's nothing weird in it, if there's nobody who identifies with the name. Not in DID I mean. Maybe you are thinking about how someone had to be the one who was called that by other people, and you don't know who it is/was? It's not weird to not remember things, either. I can't tell how it went in your case, what happened, is there a little with that name somewhere, I do not know. But I'm sure you're not the only one with questions like that.

Floralie

Floralie wrote:well, we all are parts of the child who was born

^^^^ That.

When you make a batch of pancake mix, then make pancakes out of it, you do not ask what pancake is the original mix. They are ALL the original mix. Just different parts of it, cooked separately, maybe cooked a bit different like one has blueberries one has chocolate chips one is undercooked one is overcooked. But they are all part of the original pancake mix.

It's the same for the members of the system. We are all born from "the original child" and we are all part of them.

Just like the fish swimming in the ocean are part of the ocean and it would be kinda weird to ask which fish is "the original ocean".

So, it makes sense to us that who we are now, is not the "pancake mix" written on the papers - and yet, we still are that pancake mix, in a way. We're just different pancakes now.

...too foggy to know exactly who is writing now, maybe a mix of Theia Zami Ulysses and David (he signs X) maybe a bit of others... going to hit the pillow

ArbreMonde wrote:When you make a batch of pancake mix, then make pancakes out of it, you do not ask what pancake is the original mix. They are ALL the original mix. Just different parts of it, cooked separately, maybe cooked a bit different like one has blueberries one has chocolate chips one is undercooked one is overcooked. But they are all part of the original pancake mix.

I like this! And none of them feel like they're still the stuff that was labeled pancake mix, because they've each been through a lot since then.

Thanks to all, I guess I've been upset that I have always singed the name on paper when it is not my name. All of you have made good points, it is helpful to learn. Thank you.

We don't think the boy who was born survived being left at the hospital and placed in foster care until adoption. He seems gone and the rest of us were left behind to get through. I never felt disconnected from the name on my birth certificate until I found out it wasn't the original. When the adoption was finalized they "amended" my birth certificate with all new names, mine and the parents, and sealed the original. I eventually found my birth mother and she still had a copy of the original, so now I have two although only one is "official."