Need help with husband's new alter

Friends of us (I'll call them Team PSI) have a whole world inside, with politics, economy... so all of them have their own life in this world, their own background story too.

All of us here have a "past life" of some sort and are working on integrating the reason why they are here, into their own life story. We do make the difference between what happens to the body (the objective life) and the way we use stories to make sense of ourselves (the subjective life).

Some exemples include:

Zami is in the body through (re)incarnation process and lives a human life in order to study being human from the inside.
van H. and wife died in their "past life", and this is now their paradise.
Wolf died too in his "past life" and has not yet figured out why he's here, and does not seem to care yet.
Ulysses has used too much of his memory-altering abilities on others in order to protect himself, and made his world "glitch" and he "fell through the glitch" and now is here.
X did bad things in his "past life", started taking actions to redeem himself, and his god has granted him one more redeeming chance by participating in taking care of the body.
Most of the others just don't care. They have "past life memories" of another life, and now they're here, okay cool, they just recreate their "past life" in the WorldTree and carry on.


So, it is not surprising at all that your husband's latest arrival has a background story of a sort. Our life stories are part of what makes us people. The way we gather our life events and express them and tell our story, also is part of what makes us people. Boris Cyrulnik (a neuropsychologist) explains this better than me. "Whispering of ghosts" is the latest we read from him and I KNOW it exists in english. It is one of our favourites, with the "Autobiography of a scarecrow" one and his own autobiographic one (Life is calling for you), but I am not sure if they exist in english.

All that to say, it is normal that people come with their own life stories. Because they are people. Does not matter if they are new in a brain, or not. It's part of what makes us, people. We tell our stories in order to exist.

~Theia~

SOHank wrote:

AmmeSO wrote:Is it normal for alters to have memories of events that are impossible? Such as believing she has a husband and sews clothes? My only guess is that it is on the inside.

There is very little that is impossible inside the mind. SF has one who thinks she is dead, another who thinks she has become "beyond human" and is frustrated she can't levitate in the body, a computer, and a box (with 4 faces that are all her, but not all her... Polyfragmented?).

My wife got in a fight with D. when he was very antagonistic, pushed him to the ground and he shattered into a lot of little traumas. She was then told he would be rebuilt when each trauma was addressed.

It now takes a lot to surprise me. LOL

Others have had internal families as well. Read some of Zor's posts.

There can be whole worlds in some cases. The ones where they include an economy are the most amazing to me from a nerd perspective. EX: "They used to live by us, but rent went up and they couldn't afford it. So they moved over there." All inside the mind!

I see. It is fascinating for us single minds isn't it. How do you interact with SF when the guy takes over? Does he accepts you as SF's husband? I am still really apprehensive and find it hard to accept this new alter, like you it is especially hard for me to welcome a opposite sex alter.

-- Wed Sep 18, 2019 4:23 pm --

ArbreMonde wrote:Friends of us (I'll call them Team PSI) have a whole world inside, with politics, economy... so all of them have their own life in this world, their own background story too.

All of us here have a "past life" of some sort and are working on integrating the reason why they are here, into their own life story. We do make the difference between what happens to the body (the objective life) and the way we use stories to make sense of ourselves (the subjective life).

Some exemples include:

Zami is in the body through (re)incarnation process and lives a human life in order to study being human from the inside.
van H. and wife died in their "past life", and this is now their paradise.
Wolf died too in his "past life" and has not yet figured out why he's here, and does not seem to care yet.
Ulysses has used too much of his memory-altering abilities on others in order to protect himself, and made his world "glitch" and he "fell through the glitch" and now is here.
X did bad things in his "past life", started taking actions to redeem himself, and his god has granted him one more redeeming chance by participating in taking care of the body.
Most of the others just don't care. They have "past life memories" of another life, and now they're here, okay cool, they just recreate their "past life" in the WorldTree and carry on.


So, it is not surprising at all that your husband's latest arrival has a background story of a sort. Our life stories are part of what makes us people. The way we gather our life events and express them and tell our story, also is part of what makes us people. Boris Cyrulnik (a neuropsychologist) explains this better than me. "Whispering of ghosts" is the latest we read from him and I KNOW it exists in english. It is one of our favourites, with the "Autobiography of a scarecrow" one and his own autobiographic one (Life is calling for you), but I am not sure if they exist in english.

All that to say, it is normal that people come with their own life stories. Because they are people. Does not matter if they are new in a brain, or not. It's part of what makes us, people. We tell our stories in order to exist.

~Theia~

Hi Theia
Thank you for your input. It is a hard concept for me to grasp. I feel like I should let her know she is now in a different world, that this body has responsibilities and a 'public image' to maintain outside of the house. I think I should set some ground rules on when she can come out, in the house not at work for instance. As much as I understand her story, she can only express herself at home.

ArbreMonde wrote:Friends of us (I'll call them Team PSI) have a whole world inside, with politics, economy... so all of them have their own life in this world, their own background story too.

All of us here have a "past life" of some sort and are working on integrating the reason why they are here, into their own life story. We do make the difference between what happens to the body (the objective life) and the way we use stories to make sense of ourselves (the subjective life).

Some exemples include:

Zami is in the body through (re)incarnation process and lives a human life in order to study being human from the inside.
van H. and wife died in their "past life", and this is now their paradise.
Wolf died too in his "past life" and has not yet figured out why he's here, and does not seem to care yet.
Ulysses has used too much of his memory-altering abilities on others in order to protect himself, and made his world "glitch" and he "fell through the glitch" and now is here.
X did bad things in his "past life", started taking actions to redeem himself, and his god has granted him one more redeeming chance by participating in taking care of the body.
Most of the others just don't care. They have "past life memories" of another life, and now they're here, okay cool, they just recreate their "past life" in the WorldTree and carry on.


So, it is not surprising at all that your husband's latest arrival has a background story of a sort. Our life stories are part of what makes us people. The way we gather our life events and express them and tell our story, also is part of what makes us people. Boris Cyrulnik (a neuropsychologist) explains this better than me. "Whispering of ghosts" is the latest we read from him and I KNOW it exists in english. It is one of our favourites, with the "Autobiography of a scarecrow" one and his own autobiographic one (Life is calling for you), but I am not sure if they exist in english.

All that to say, it is normal that people come with their own life stories. Because they are people. Does not matter if they are new in a brain, or not. It's part of what makes us, people. We tell our stories in order to exist.

~Theia~

I had a look at the book you mentioned. It seems like a good read for me to understand and it does come in English. I guess it is just how the mind try to make sense of it. Thank You!:)

Glad we could help! Cyrulnik is an awesome writer. He was suggested to me by an old therapist because he writes a lot about resilience, and it is something all of the people broken by life need to read about. That the tragedy is not the end.

Understanding the system rules and that she needs to deal with the body's public image, will come with time. She needs to be comforted first. Imagine how you would feel if you one day woke up in the body of a stranger and people kept telling you that all your life so far, you imagined and it does not exist... This is how she feels right now. But, she is lucky that you are around to help her and your husband

May I suggest to offer her a journal of sort so she can write about herself in it? Unless your husband already has a system journal of course.

All in all, I think you are an awesome person to try to understand it all and to help. The world needs more people like you.

--Zami--

AmmeSO wrote:I see. It is fascinating for us single minds isn't it. How do you interact with SF when the guy takes over? Does he accepts you as SF's husband? I am still really apprehensive and find it hard to accept this new alter, like you it is especially hard for me to welcome a opposite sex alter.

I don't know that my experiences with D. will really be relevant. He is so different in character than the lady you recently met. He knows that I am the husband guy, but according to insiders, he despises me and would rather be without me. He has a strong influence over the system.

He is quite antagonistic to the other insiders and me. (Not specifically because he is male, just his current nature.) He rarely comes out and has worked mostly by instructing others who worked for him. (AJ and LR both worked for him. I think B and Alana as well. He claims he created LR so that SF and I would have kids and be too busy to ask enough questions and thereby keep the system hidden. Not sure how true it is, but I expect there is at least some truth there...)

He is currently locked up and guarded. The T gave him the choice of either me or herself as his primary means of communication, and he chose the T. He thinks therapy is a waste of time and has told the T that they are just fine, they lied about the whole thing, and they are just really good at acting...

I understand why he is locked up, but I am a strong advocate that he should be released as soon as we can reach an agreement on how all of us can coexist. Separation like this is only a short term solution... However, even while locked up, he was somehow able to lock up one of the littles. (In the past he was even able to lock up Meg, who is one of the stronger insiders.)

I've also been getting different eyes looking at me. Sometimes angry but always piercing. Staring without a word... Could be D., could be B., could be Alana. This same thing happened just before Alana came out. Like I am being evaluated.

SOHank wrote:

AmmeSO wrote:I see. It is fascinating for us single minds isn't it. How do you interact with SF when the guy takes over? Does he accepts you as SF's husband? I am still really apprehensive and find it hard to accept this new alter, like you it is especially hard for me to welcome a opposite sex alter.

I don't know that my experiences with D. will really be relevant. He is so different in character than the lady you recently met. He knows that I am the husband guy, but according to insiders, he despises me and would rather be without me. He has a strong influence over the system.

He is quite antagonistic to the other insiders and me. (Not specifically because he is male, just his current nature.) He rarely comes out and has worked mostly by instructing others who worked for him. (AJ and LR both worked for him. I think B and Alana as well. He claims he created LR so that SF and I would have kids and be too busy to ask enough questions and thereby keep the system hidden. Not sure how true it is, but I expect there is at least some truth there...)

He is currently locked up and guarded. The T gave him the choice of either me or herself as his primary means of communication, and he chose the T. He thinks therapy is a waste of time and has told the T that they are just fine, they lied about the whole thing, and they are just really good at acting...

I understand why he is locked up, but I am a strong advocate that he should be released as soon as we can reach an agreement on how all of us can coexist. Separation like this is only a short term solution... However, even while locked up, he was somehow able to lock up one of the littles. (In the past he was even able to lock up Meg, who is one of the stronger insiders.)

I've also been getting different eyes looking at me. Sometimes angry but always piercing. Staring without a word... Could be D., could be B., could be Alana. This same thing happened just before Alana came out. Like I am being evaluated.

Yes he is quite different to the lady I met. But I am definitely getting the same vibes like your D. LOL from the guy D. ( his name starts with D too) who went around picking fights with me and doing all sort of stuff like those I mentioned earlier. I was told by my husband A that D said he could care less if I am around or not...D actually died in the system once because my husband was enraged with him for hurting me. D is back now to make sure the system stays away from his parents and he is more tolerant now and we coexist somewhat okay after he realise I am harmless and important to A and the Little M. He still like to do things like insert contradictions while my husband A is talking to me so that we will argue. He also likes impersonating other alters to antagonise me for amusement. Also I am starting to suspect although he is somewhat fine with me now, he still distrust me to some degree and try to keep the workings of the system a secret. He also doesn't like me asking questions about the system.

ArbreMonde wrote:Glad we could help! Cyrulnik is an awesome writer. He was suggested to me by an old therapist because he writes a lot about resilience, and it is something all of the people broken by life need to read about. That the tragedy is not the end.

Understanding the system rules and that she needs to deal with the body's public image, will come with time. She needs to be comforted first. Imagine how you would feel if you one day woke up in the body of a stranger and people kept telling you that all your life so far, you imagined and it does not exist... This is how she feels right now. But, she is lucky that you are around to help her and your husband

May I suggest to offer her a journal of sort so she can write about herself in it? Unless your husband already has a system journal of course.

All in all, I think you are an awesome person to try to understand it all and to help. The world needs more people like you.

--Zami--

Hi Zami, I am very touched by your words. I don't see myself that way, my husband has also help me cope with depression and anxiety sometimes I feel I am making things worse than being helpful. Sometimes I get very frustrated with myself for lashing out at him, I have to remind myself that he has DID and he is doing as much as he can. It is hard to play the role of a wife and a T, as I am also suffering from PTSD sometimes from the past actions of another alter D, like the cheating in the past. It is very hard for me to separate those feelings and be rational and patient but acceptance and understanding and working on my own triggers has helped tremendously.

The book talking about resilience is a definite read for me. I am unsure for my husband as he still prefers to immerse himself in his hobbies rather than working on his system or doing self introspection...Sigh. hopefully we will get there.

-- Thu Sep 19, 2019 12:01 am --

AmmeSO wrote:

SOHank wrote:

AmmeSO wrote:I see. It is fascinating for us single minds isn't it. How do you interact with SF when the guy takes over? Does he accepts you as SF's husband? I am still really apprehensive and find it hard to accept this new alter, like you it is especially hard for me to welcome a opposite sex alter.

I don't know that my experiences with D. will really be relevant. He is so different in character than the lady you recently met. He knows that I am the husband guy, but according to insiders, he despises me and would rather be without me. He has a strong influence over the system.

He is quite antagonistic to the other insiders and me. (Not specifically because he is male, just his current nature.) He rarely comes out and has worked mostly by instructing others who worked for him. (AJ and LR both worked for him. I think B and Alana as well. He claims he created LR so that SF and I would have kids and be too busy to ask enough questions and thereby keep the system hidden. Not sure how true it is, but I expect there is at least some truth there...)

He is currently locked up and guarded. The T gave him the choice of either me or herself as his primary means of communication, and he chose the T. He thinks therapy is a waste of time and has told the T that they are just fine, they lied about the whole thing, and they are just really good at acting...

I understand why he is locked up, but I am a strong advocate that he should be released as soon as we can reach an agreement on how all of us can coexist. Separation like this is only a short term solution... However, even while locked up, he was somehow able to lock up one of the littles. (In the past he was even able to lock up Meg, who is one of the stronger insiders.)

I've also been getting different eyes looking at me. Sometimes angry but always piercing. Staring without a word... Could be D., could be B., could be Alana. This same thing happened just before Alana came out. Like I am being evaluated.

Yes he is quite different to the lady I met. But I am definitely getting the same vibes like your D. LOL from the guy D. ( his name starts with D too) who went around picking fights with me and doing all sort of stuff like those I mentioned earlier. I was told by my husband A that D said he could care less if I am around or not...D actually died in the system once because my husband was enraged with him for hurting me. D is back now to make sure the system stays away from his parents and he is more tolerant now and we coexist somewhat okay after he realise I am harmless and important to A and the Little M. He still like to do things like insert contradictions while my husband A is talking to me so that we will argue. He also likes impersonating other alters to antagonise me for amusement. Also I am starting to suspect although he is somewhat fine with me now, he still distrust me to some degree and try to keep the workings of the system a secret. He also doesn't like me asking questions about the system.[/

Hi Hank,
I think D is also the one keeping us from therapy. He also said I am naggy and do not understand why A would choose me as a wife...lol. To be fair, he has since acknowledged that he caused me great distress and apologized. That does mean a lot coming from him.
Now my husband has got onto his flight for the first leg of the trip home. Later he will take another overnight flight. I will inform you and everyone how it goes with telling him the news on Fri/Sat.