Epiphany - Mind Blown - Favoring Injuries

I have learned a lot through my recovery. And something I am learning in physical therapy is how weak my body is where I have injured it.

I have one finger I dont use, because I ripped the tip off and it has weird nerves stuff. I favor my entire left side. especially my leg where I tore a knee. and babied my core because of prolapse. no one ever taught me that to heal from I jury I had to use that part. and make it strong again. I've been walking around favoring every wound I ever had. still carrying them with me. PT has helped me see how ###$ up that is. my right leg works now. but my left leg is like a dead tree trunk. because its weak. because I never FULLY recovered from an injury I got 23 years ago.

what blows my mind though......is the parallel between my physical injuries and my psychological injuries. I think I've been doing the exact same ######6 thing. carrying them around with me. favoring them. until my world has shrunk in so far I never leave the house and have hardly any friends. its ###$. my life is out of balance like my body is out of balance.

for a long time I felt like it was ok to be the way I was. the way I still am now. and maybe that was a journey I needed to take. to just love and accept my messy self. but now that's not enough. I want to be whole and complete and balanced and even. my PT recommended a woman in town who specializes in pelvic floor recovery. he said I can request a referral to work with her after he clears me for gait instability.

hell! maybe I will even get a therapist. but I am damn sure going to live! for a while there I thought I might die. or live the rest of my life bed ridden. or in a wheel chair. or in a walker and unable to drive. but now that I see I can live. i am voracious for it. and i dont want to keep being an injured, limping, wounded person living a half life. i want to be fiercely passionate and live every single ######6 day like it's my only day!! i want to make awesome memories with my daughter and make sure this world is a better place for me having lived in it

Hey BeccaBee,

That's some really profound stuff, got us thinking too.

I think we're the opposite with physical stuff, like we start using stuff too early probably, cos we're out of touch with the body and don't notice the pain or whatever, or want to 'power through it'.

But the psychological stuff, we never even really thought of like that before. And I think we do like you said. We favour the weak bits so much they've never got stronger, just more weaker. Its stuff we're gonna think some more about now.

Also, we really admire your attitude. Keeping up the fight and working to get better. Good stuff!

Viola

to me it looks like people can totally get away with doing that stuff, if they are strong enough to keep compensating for it.
but if you have a broken body or a lot on your plate it really matters. we can't afford stuff other can easily get away with.
hope you can give yourself time to build stuff up and not rush it too hard.

Sometimes old wounds get together and drop you hard. Body or brain. Keep getting stronger Bees.

Colin

thanks, Colin. you always make me feel better. like I'm strong.

I think I've finally learned to not rush, Birdsong. maybe. I am hard-headed.

Sounds like you have hope and a plan! Extremely happy for you!!!!!

Oooh! I just realized something else. one of the reasons I am so disconnected from my body is because it has felt so ###$ up from the injuries. but getting my body recovered helps me feel more comfortable being aware of it. it's a cycle that snowballs in the right direction.

its trippy how it really all is connected.....like I never though that healing my body would help heal my mind. but.....I think I am realizing that maybe i need a much more holistic approach to recovery.

i mean. maybe i just really need to take care of myself. body, mind, spirit. diet sleep water exercise zen. all that. it's all connected. and it all has to be balanced. ###$. this is such a huge development for me. to just figure this out and understand it. maybe I can actually heal and make use of my new lease on life. I feel like a I got a brand new chance at life. and I can make it be anything I want. ( within reality and reason of course). I still have some destiny left to chart. I'm only halfway through my adventure. maybe the best is yet to come.

Inspiring! Thank you.

We've just recently started connecting our abuse to physical & psychological issues. Know, intelligently, they are all connected...just intellectually. Seems so complicated, so depressing, so unsolveable. Thanks for the encouragement.

Wow, BeccaBee, this is great to read.

We are SOOO cheering you on! And still sharing bits of our fire of determination and life

Sending love to you & your family.

PS: did you know that real-life bees have super tiny brains and yet can recognize human faces? (Maybe even facial expressions? Not sure about that). That is SO cool!!