How DID Presents For You

Hey,

So for us, voluntary or involuntarily, switches are pretty instantaneous (as in, mid-sentence can and do switch) and we just cover it as best we can, usually fairly seamlessly (unless it's Echo, who's very distinct as much younger vocally as well as physically). I was just wondering what the experience is like for other people. Do you get forewarning? Is it noticeable? Do you part/fully/un-consciously switch?

Feeling very isolated atm in my experiences so wondering how you guys find it.

Thanks.

Well that's a hard question because I can't tell when I switch. It just happens. I tend to zone out I think. I can tell when I dissociate sometimes because every thing goes funny, my breathing slows, the world goes blurry and I zone out kinda. It's hard to explain. In trigger situations it can happen quickly though
J

We switch frequently and quickly and I often don't realise when. It's more likely someone outside will notice. We have had commitments about it being strange that we can go from being so silly to serious in the blink of an eye and stuff like that. We will also not notice being coconscious. Our system is really good at not thinking about things so we tend to just carry on and ignore any inconsistent.

When things are going well no matter how abrupt the switch it doesn't really cause any unpleasant effects but when we aren't working together I can get dizzy that isn't a physical dizziness but a mental one it's hard to describe or tired or just generally spaced feeling.

We never really tried to hide switches this probably explains why we don't have many people we socialise with but those we do are really accepting people.

We switch in different ways. Most of the adults who front do so just because we find ourselves at the front. We seem to have no control over when we're at the front or when we get to go away and rest. It happens mostly while we sleep. We just wake up as someone else at the front.

A few times we have been able to switch with each other for different events or conversations with people. When we do that it seems like there is some concerted thinking about switching, with a kind of asking inside...and then there is a kind of lull moment where whoever is talking kind of fades out...we space out for a second....and then somebody else usually becomes aware of being there. And often doesn't know what the conversation just was. It just feels like one of those moments where you go..."what...what was I talking about?"

Occasionally we will switch but the person in front will not always be sure 100% who they are and usually has to think about a certain topic that only one of us likes, to kind of "test" - do I like this? No, OK, then I'm not so-and-so. Which always seems weird. How would I (an individual alter) not know who I am?

When littles front the bigs are often facilitating that and we often (now) have control over it. We didn't used to and sometimes we were just like a constant revolving door. This is before we were diagnosed and we were in the hospital a lot and they didn't know what to do with us. One minute we'd be talking normally, then sometimes switch to not talking at all...not being able to speak...then to a little...then to someone who was angry and ripping up a pillow case, and then someone little insisting they weren't allowed to eat or drink. Very confusing. So now we don't seem to have that happen in front of our t or pdoc. But I think it still happens at home sometimes.

Sometimes I just "come to" and I'm in the middle of a conversation (it seems), like the other person is looking at me expectantly and I'm at a bit of a loss to know where we are. Then it will turn out someone else had been in the front but I have no knowledge of it. OR, I have some knowledge of it once I'm told who was in the front...then it's like it starts coming back to me - but very fuzzy and dream-like.

Once someone was in front who was desperately suicidal and kept begging someone else to come to the front and help her. No one did. She just stayed in the front until she went into the hospital. It turned out to be a good hospitalization for her - very important for her healing and journey but I still don't know why one of us couldn't have taken over. Or if someone was blocking us from going to the front and helping because she needed to experience what she needed to experience? I don't know.

There's many switches that we're not aware of in a day. So we don't notice them happening. I don't know how well we can cover them up. Sometimes I feel like it's fairly unnoticeable but other times I'm sort of anxious or scared thinking about how noticeable they could be. I don't want to seem unstable. Plus it's hard to try to have a continuous mind in switches like these because I can forget things from one second to the next, sometimes very often in a day. I've been seriously thinking about contacting my doctor to be screened for dementia because this can some days happen so much that it's frightening me into believing that I'm losing my mind.
But my alter thinks that these issues were much worse before we were aware of DID, I just didn't notice any of it. And my therapist thinks that 13 years old (when some of us first started picking up on the holes) is too young to be developing dementia. Plus I can appear very smart and capable. If it really were dementia that has been progressing for over 15 years I don't think I could be able to function like I do? Anyway.. Big topic in here atm.
This is usually how we experience time loss, little seconds or minutes here and there, up to hours disappearing, no big obvious chunks anymore ( not obvious in comparison to 10 years ago I guess). Oftentimes we are sort of aware of things happening when they do, but then lose the memory later, or it feels so detached and dreamlike far away like it doesn't belong to me, that it's hard to acknowledge it as a memory. Like I might, with help from inside, remember I talked to someone but all the details are gone. Or I might not remember. Or I forget just parts of the conversation and the rest is clear in my memory. Or I find myself talking about something discussed that I have no memory of discussing but I'm talking like I do remember.
Or I'm about to do dishes and discover I already did them and an alter might instantly tell me she did them when I discover the clean kitchen, but I don't remember.

A few times I caught myself disappearing into an object around me and then someone else steps in. These are switches that happen because the I who is fronting needs to flee a situation.
Other times I notice I'm being pulled back inside or shoved to the side and watch someone else take control. Obviously these switches are because someone inside wants to take control.
Sometimes we feel as if we're sitting next to each other and we can have a sort of back and forward conversation.
Sometimes I suddenly get very cold. Sometimes I suddenly feel really small. To me that is a sign that a switch to a few particular alters could be about to happen or we could coexist in the head space, depending on who's fronting, with or without communication.
Sometimes I don't notice anything until I move or open my mouth and do not-me things. This could be momentarily to have some input or it could be longer term - hours I think.

we are very high in identity alteration and amnesia. with some DP/DR.

I don't notice most switches. it's like being in a weird movie where you can't follow the plot. I use context clues a lot.

Things are pretty varied for us. I think a lot of switches happen that we aren't aware of. Sometimes we suspect.

Sudden dizziness, headaches, or stomach aches, that come on fast and hard then disappear after a few seconds. Sometimes that could be part of a switch or just someone coming really close or influencing?

Suddenly feeling overwhelming mental tiredness, like someone's just drained all the energy out of your head... after that everything is sorta dreamlike and later you can't really remember all the details of what happened.

Or feeling like you're being pulled backwards into your own head. Can't even really describe that one. It's like a hole opened up at the back of the head and you're being pulled backwards and downwards like going down a drainhole into darkness.

Generally, there's always a constant low-level amount of depersonalization/derealization. Like constantly.

We live alone, work alone, so like 95% of the time there's noone else to notice these things. No idea how often we just blank out and shut down. I think it's a lot. When we are with someone else, or out in public, defences are up. Certain parts are on high alert. There's a constant effort to 'act normal', not show or reveal anything.

Skaya wrote:Hey,

So for us, voluntary or involuntarily, switches are pretty instantaneous (as in, mid-sentence can and do switch) and we just cover it as best we can, usually fairly seamlessly (unless it's Echo, who's very distinct as much younger vocally as well as physically). I was just wondering what the experience is like for other people. Do you get forewarning? Is it noticeable? Do you part/fully/un-consciously switch?

Feeling very isolated atm in my experiences so wondering how you guys find it.

Thanks.

So, there is no quick answer, lol.
Things have changed for us.
It used to be (before I knew I had alters) that they would switch out and I would not know. It was like I just fell asleep and would "wake up." Sometimes I'd have a hazy memory that felt like I was watching a movie.

When I found out about my alters, and they stopped hiding from me, sometimes I'd get a headache before a switch, and when I "came back" I'd have a headache.

We worked towards me being able to be co-conscious with my others. It was easy with Delilah, because she'd been co-conscious with me the whole time, only I didn't know it. I thought the dialogue in my head was normal and everyone had that.

Now I often can tell a switch is coming, simply because I know someone wants out, so I can step aside and let them pass... like when you are standing in a doorway, blocking it, and another person wants to get past. And so you step aside without really moving forward or back, and then they brush against you on their way. It's sort of like that sometimes.

But other times, especially with my little and with Little Wolf, I don't feel it coming because they just suddenly force their way out without warning, and then leave with almost no warning. I am usually co-conscious with them though, but I'm behind them watching. If that makes sense.

Sometimes it's instantaneous, other times there is a split micro second where no one is fronting and the body is just existing.

I used to get headaches when I "came back" right after a switch, this was back when I didn't know about the others, and then as I was learning to communicate and trying to be co-conscious. One part used to make them really bad headaches for me on purpose. Thankfully that's passed for the most part, and I only get headaches if Britney or Lilly has been out and is really upset. Then when I come back I have a headache and I feel their anger or emotional pain.
K

My diagnosing therapist was pointing out switching to me. I wasn't noticing a thing except changes in mood.

Another T that I only saw a few times, thought he saw switching. Again, I didn't notice any change in who I was, except that how I was feeling was different.

Both times I was surprised at the T's reactions and conclusions.

ItsJustUs wrote:So, there is no quick answer, lol.
Things have changed for us.
It used to be (before I knew I had alters) that they would switch out and I would not know. It was like I just fell asleep and would "wake up." Sometimes I'd have a hazy memory that felt like I was watching a movie.

This. This is exactly my experience.

Thank you to everybody who's replying here, it's really helpful and encouraging to see the variations of switching. In a way, it's comforting to know there are no hard and fast rules. Thank you.