Host gone suddenly?!

Ok so this is not like a first time, but kinda weirding me out a bit too...
So like today I just suddenly was like here, and for like short pieces of time Zor's been here, but mostly almost entirely been just me... so NOT like usual for us.

And I tried to like "go" and see what would happen... came back a while later, like 20 mins... NOTHING happened. Like for real, we were like right where the body was when I left... soooooo weird.

And it's like crazy cuz there was no bad feelings, nothing going on to like trigger us or something... and I can't find him and don't know where he went... ???

So like... ummm what the what?! and like help???

{\Pixie/}

Hi Pixie,

I hope Zor comes back soon. Maybe he's just taking a break or something.

Has there been anything particularily stressful or upsetting going on for him lately? I mean, apart from the whole DID thing cos I know that can be a thing all on its own.

Violet

VioletFlux wrote:Hi Pixie,

I hope Zor comes back soon. Maybe he's just taking a break or something.

Has there been anything particularily stressful or upsetting going on for him lately? I mean, apart from the whole DID thing cos I know that can be a thing all on its own.

Violet

So like nothing I'm aware of, and that's like hardcore to get past me cuz like I'm always watching for us.

So weird thingy last night he was watching "The Martian" on TV and a few times almost like started crying and had to like push tears away trying to like form. So not a sad like movie and stuff, and was weird..

IDK what would like cause this and weird I can't like see or find him or draw him back like going away myself... IDK

and like given how his wife is like hostile to us, and she'll be awake soon... kinda getting a bit worried. I can like cover and stuff, but IDK how well cuz she's like kinda edgy and watching for it now, and cuz like I've been out more and as me and it's easier to slip up cuz I get like comfortable more now... And I don't wanna like cause a panic or something cuz she's already iffy about us and this condition and the trouble it is for her, and them...

{\Pixe/}

So there was like a reply about like loneliness being a theme of that movie... IDK where it went but I replied and it got like an error doing it and when I like reloaded it, that comment was gone.

So like that was a legit point. NEVER even thought of it. I saw like the sci-fi and comedy of the jokes, but totally missed the isolation and loneliness stuff. I wonder if that was something to do with it.

Thanks for that tip... and sorry I missed your name, something "teddybear" I think???

{\Pixie/}

This has happened to Sunflower a few times before. At most it lasted a couple days. Generally she will wake up as the host again. Once though, she had been gone for two and a half days other then a few minutes of fog she recalled, then when on stage for a concert, she was back, but had to struggle to stay out for another day.

When this happens, Meg explained that unless someone else takes control, it's like the lights are on but no one is home and the body just sits there breathing. Have seen that happen when she tries to push herself and gets overwhelmed. I usually catch on, but sometimes Meg has to come out and 'splain it to me again.

Sometimes the reason it happens is Sunflower. (Overwhelmed or stressed usually.) Sometimes it's someone that thinks therapy and healing is a bad idea and doesn't want change that pulls her in and holds her there.

I totally get how that movie could be upsetting. I hope Zor is ok and comes back soon.

Zor wrote:And I don't wanna like cause a panic or something cuz she's already iffy about us and this condition and the trouble it is for her, and them...

{\Pixe/}

Sorry--but this caught my eye and rubbed me the wrong way. "...the trouble it is for her..."?? I mean, I know it isn't what she bargained for, and there's a lot to get used to, but does she understand that this was caused by prolonged, overwhelming trauma?? That there was a lot of "trouble" (understatement) for you as a child and that's why things are the way they are right now?

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I totally get how that movie could be upsetting. I hope Zor is ok and comes back soon.

Zor wrote:And I don't wanna like cause a panic or something cuz she's already iffy about us and this condition and the trouble it is for her, and them...

{\Pixe/}

Sorry--but this caught my eye and rubbed me the wrong way. "...the trouble it is for her..."?? I mean, I know it isn't what she bargained for, and there's a lot to get used to, but does she understand that this was caused by prolonged, overwhelming trauma?? That there was a lot of "trouble" (understatement) for you as a child and that's why things are the way they are right now?

I totally get that, but we've gotta like learn to live together and to get to known and understand each other- that will be like soooo much harder if it's in stressful and difficult ways like this... I'd so like to ease into that and like NOT make life harder on us by like stressing her out a ton on top of what she's like already feeling cuz of this.

I know, why I am like sooooo concerned with her and her feelings? Cuz Zor loves her and cares, and if we like disregard that and make it hard for her, it also is hard on him (all of us, really) and will hurt HIM too... so we're like trying to not cause any more stress than we need.

{\Pixie/}

I'm going to sidetrack here a little because I realised why we are often triggered when you and Zor talk about the wife. We spent our childhood putting the wants and needs of someone before our own even when those wants were to hurt us we still put them before our own needs. So when we see or hear about others putting someone else's before there own it upsets us.

So I wanted to say you have just as much of a right to have your needs and wants met as Zor and the wife do. And we will try to remember we may be overacting to things you guys type about her and keep that in mind when we respond in future.

It triggers me too, badly, for the same reason than it does NyxX. My feelings didn't matter to the point I didn't learn to even recognize I had such, only my dad's feelings were important, and he couldn't and still can't handle anyone else having feelings. Only they were important to my mom too. Why? Because if he wasn't happy, we all suffered. Mostly mom, and us kids because of empathy for her. So we learned not to have feelings, and our mom will be more safe. Not safe, but more safe than if we feel. But that is called emotional abuse. When you need to put someone else's needs and feelings before your own, so they don't get mad about it, it's abuse.

If Zor has gone missing, she should be worried. Not mad, not accuse anyone, be supportive and worried. Her husband has so severe traumas he couldn't form an identity, and she's blaming him and you for the fact your life was too hard for him to survive from it as one and develop normally. Has she ever thought about that, or is she more concerned if she likes what you guys like to wear as clothes?

She is no ones victim here. Shouldn't she be the first person you can turn to, when having troubles? Could you ask that from her? Who does she think Zor should turn to have help when he needs it? Can he turn to her, and how has she responded to him so far? Now that she feels she has been lied to, has she made a difference and made it easier for you to turn to her now? I think she would really need to think about those questions.

DID is YOUR trauma. It's ZOR'S life that has changed way more than hers. She should be supporting him, not the other way round. Now he is so stressed he can't come out. And you are worried about wife's feelings. Well yeah, if she so selfish she sounds to be, I can imagine she makes it even harder for all of you when YOU HAVE MORE SERIOUS SYMPTOMS. She shouldn't. She should be there for you and him. And you guys, should all be defending yourselves from people like that.

Does she even know how to feel empathy? Does she realize at all, this is you being broken, not her being offended somehow?

I don't want to put more stress on you, to tell what you should do with her. And maybe now is not the best time to do it. I hope Zor can come back and continue with his life. And I hope he can make his wife to get her eyes open to see what is really going on in here. Maybe she should talk to other people with DID to realize what does it mean, and not look at it from one point of view.

She is allowed to have feelings too, but they are not one bit more important than the rest of yours.

Is Zor back this morning? Curious if sleeping is a reset for him like it is for Sunflower.


Floralie: While I completely agree with your points of making sure your needs are met and especially like the idea of her talking to others with DID to get further perspective, please try not to be to hard on Zor’s wife. She IS still standing by Zor and that says something by itself. With time there may still be better understanding and acceptance. We also don't know her situation, she may already be doing the best she can.

It’s a lot for someone with DID to even accept DID. Even when there is acceptance there is often frequent denial. Take a step back and now you aren’t actually experiencing things, it’s your SO. Top that off Hollywood misconceptions, schizophrenia is more commonly known and seems similar to a novice, well known and somewhat respected individuals claiming it doesn’t exist, and the drastic changes in therapy for trauma based mental health over the last several years that a lot of T’s haven’t even caught up with yet. It’s hard to sift through whats out there to get legit information to even understand what is going on.

There may not be anything she can do to bring Zor back anyway. I have not been able to bring Sunflower back any of the times she’s gone missing. Meg has only been able to do it once. It seems to just take time.