when decisions make you sad

NyxX wrote:
And it just sucks that I have to live my life in terms of what we are stable enough to handle and not getting the chance to do things we want.

this. ALL THE TIME. all the ######6 time. every damn minute of every damn day.

I'm not really in touch with that feeling right now. I am.much more alarmed at out of control spending.

***but I got the most perfect table!!!!! it's one of a kind! had to snag it!!

-with the point being I don't know why we are shopping online when we should be packing up this house. also have to replace waterbed mattress. it's old and been moved many many times. figured I might as well replace heater as well since we are draining and moving anyway. $#%^ just keeps adding up. shower curtains. door mat. everybody needs to chill the ###$ out.

while this home has been safe, quiet, and affordable it is definately not the kind of home in happy to entertain in. being ashamed of my home and furnishings has had me more isolated the last two years. I am looking forward to entertaining again. I was gifted some living room furniture and I've caught the decorating bug.

I think this frenetic activity makes it hard to push towards that common goal. you know - my whole smart decisions and let's pack up and move. meanwhile I'm shopping on Amazon and scouring second hand listings. it just makes everything more stressful when you aren't aligned. but I think BRING stress contributes to that fracturing. everything becomes harder and more discordant.

it's gonna take a miracle for me to get through thanksgiving without getting foggy. I am also desperate to paint. but I'm out of money. and now all parts are upset because it's not fair. and we just have to take turns. honestly you guys sometimes I feel like this is spiralling out of control. and I wonder if I am making the right decision.

sorry I'm disjointed now. it's been rough with my dad in and out of the hospital plus all the house shopping and money stuff. lol. and work and the kid. you know.....

Thank you all for listening. and hearing. and replying. big decisions make everything get so ######6 WOBBLY.

TeddyBear the helper wrote:

NyxX wrote:Isn't ignoring the bad just deliberately dissociating?

Do you mean my words? i didnt mean it like that its bad (=boring) to do the dishes for example, so it isnt worth to spend time to think of how boring that is, when there is other more fun stuff to think of instead i dont mean traumastuff, only harmless stuff.

See that's the confusion because for us boring is good. Boring means predictability, predictability means safty and safty means I don't need to be constantly hypervigilant.

Bee's we admire you for everything you are doing for your daughter and think you are a grate mum and wish there were more people in the world like you.

This thread really resonates with us.

Charity