Where does one go "inside"?

Ok so like when we come out Zor goes somewhere... where does he go? that drives me crazy trying to like figure it out lately... cuz there's gotta be something, somewhere... can I influence that?!

I mean, like for real... cuz like way back when when we were super little I'd take him away and like be there instead, or like Angel would or something... but I haven't had that kinda control over it I used to after like a long time... IDK when it fell apart, but I know meds he was on (for something else- not on them anymore) made like EVERYTHING hard and maybe like screwed stuff up...

but was curious... could it be possible, since I was like kinda the person to like move ppl in and out and take him away if he needed it, still maybe do that? Could I like control where HE goes too? Not just who goes out?

And if so, would it be like possible to put him like maybe in our place... so when I'm like, he could be inside for me... basically "swap" for a while? That would be kinda cool huh? He'd so learn about us being like there for us when we're out like in the body out here.

IDK, just like random thoughts cuz it's kinda confusing that he seems to go "nowhere" (that we know of, that he seems to like remember) and we're like definitely inside when we're not out...

{\Pixie/}

You could I think, but the question is is that what Zor wants?

KawaiiKitty wrote:You could I think, but the question is is that what Zor wants?

Are you asking if he'd wanna be like in me in here? Like in this awesomeness that is Pixie?! What kinda silly question is that? LOL

Ok, seriously though... I wouldn't like force him to do something-- IDK if it would even be like possible to be like in the body of the person that's "out" (that WOULD be really cool and kinda conveniently ironic, huh?)... but like even controlling where he goes, so if I am out he is there to do whatever I was doing or to be where ever inside he likes to go...

Just some stray thoughts.

{\Pixie/}

i can peek inside, but i can't go inside like the others can, for some reason. i am always seeing through the outside body's eyes, even when i'm not fronting.

fronting for me is an awareness-related thing. not fronting is like dreaming for me, all this stuff is happening but i'm not aware of it, i can't influence it in any way, just like you're not aware you're dreaming until you wake up (unless you're a lucid dreamer i guess). that, for me, is "losing time", or as close to that as i experience it. i "fall asleep", and my "dream" is the second-hand memories of someone else fronting, and it's only when i "wake up" that i realise i wasn't awake at all, that it's hours later, and it's hard to remember the "dream" from when i was gone.

when i'm not fronting, i'm sort-of asleep on the border between inside and outside. my awareness goes down to 0 and i have no idea what's happening until after i wake up and front again. if i'm co-fronting with someone in some respect, i'm at that border but i'm awake and more aware of what's going on both outside and inside, but i still can't influence things inside like i can outside. it's... really weird. i don't know why it's like that.

maybe zor is "asleep" when he isn't fronting? so he doesn't go inside because you'd have to be awake to go inside? or something like that? there might be a way to change that, but i have no idea how.

lain might add their own reply at some point, since they manage who fronts / what we collectively remember / etc and probably knows more about this than me. i have no idea why i'm exclusively an "outside person", but our inside world doesn't sound all that interesting to me so i don't mind it much to be honest with you

- alice

In our system, the Outside and the Inside are separated by an 'endless black void'. We sometimes call it the in-between, or just the void.

I'm not yet able or allowed to go fully inside. So when I'm not fronting and not coconsious, I'm in the void, the in-between.

When you go in there, if you go deep, you are cut off from everything - inside and out - and time stops. So, you have lost-time, or a 'blackout' or whatever. You go in there, then you come back out, and you don't know what has happened in the meantime.

When Zor isn't fronting, maybe he's in your system's version of the inbetween?

I don't know how to help him get to the actual inside, cos I can't do that yet either. I've had a few glimpses of it but that's all. Rebecca says I'm not ready yet. I don't know for sure but she might be like a gatekeeper, guarding the inside.

Do you have anyone like a gatekeeper or an internal helper, who might have control over these things?

Violet

I don't go anywhere I can't leave the body. So when someone else fronts I get muted, or sometimes just turned down or off. It's like my individual identity becomes fainter and fainter until its overridden by someone else. It can happen in the blink of an eye or it can be really really slow. If I go all the way to off I will lose time and have no awareness of anything that happened. But usually I will have a vague sense of continuity but the memories of what has been happening will become fainter the more they leave. Sometimes I won't get muted which leave me feeling really disorientated and dazed.

I don't know what happens when the others come out. I just sort of have a few seconds pass and I'm here still... to me it feels like no time has passed, MAYBE a second or two... and if I am not watching a clock periodically, I might miss that it's happened entirely (even if it's 30-60 minutes or more time that's gone by).

I don't know if I go anywhere, where I go if I do go somewhere... but if there is a chance I could go where ever they come from... that could be interesting.

I am unsure about being "in them" like Pixie mused about above... that could be weird... to find myself in a girl's body this time, another girl that time, a guy here, or another guy there... that would be awkward (at least until it became "normal" I suppose)... but I can see how it'd also be a closeness with them they experience with me and a deeper sense of connectivity between us, so I see why her mind wandered that direction. I wouldn't be opposed to it, per se... though it WOULD be weird depending on what the situation is, like if a girl is pregnant... I am pretty sure I don't want to suffer THAT experience. lol

But seriously, I am ok with the idea of getting to the "inner world" where they are, maybe WITH some of them (all but whomever is "out" I guess). I think I'd even enjoy the time there with them, seeing where they live most of their days/lives, meeting their families, spending time with them in their homes, etc. It could be very beneficial to the closeness of our relationships and what we're trying to do working towards more closeness and cooperative living outside, too.

It's certainly something to think about or wonder about... but it's not essential, so if it doesn't happen (soon or ever), I am not going to be stressing over it too much.

Some of the outsiders (which didn't already have a live inside) started to create their own inside place to have a save meeting place for all. And now they sometimes find themselves inside this space when others are out and they are not somehow co-conscious (which happens more than not for the outsiders, if I see that correctly).
It was actually be going to this created space, that they found out about the other already persistent inner world. There was suddenly a secret door this complete other world Sometimes I hate my brain, but sometimes I love it for creating such stuff...

Muninn wrote:Some of the outsiders (which didn't already have a live inside) started to create their own inside place to have a save meeting place for all. And now they sometimes find themselves inside this space when others are out and they are not somehow co-conscious (which happens more than not for the outsiders, if I see that correctly).
It was actually be going to this created space, that they found out about the other already persistent inner world. There was suddenly a secret door this complete other world Sometimes I hate my brain, but sometimes I love it for creating such stuff...

Given the inner world mine have and have told me about, I understand that conflict about love and hating the brain for the creative capacity.