My Thoughts on the Trauma Conference in Boston

Hiyas Mates

Yesterday wrapped up the 4 day Conference on Trauma here in Boston. It was very heavy on Neurology this year compared to last year it seemed. But in particular focusing on Neurological aspects of experiencing Time, Identity as well as self and other somatic experiences relating to Trauma and dissociation. This was particularly triggery for me because as they were describing what happens if this region of the brain is offline one would experience this. They were describing every symptom for the most part of my daily world.

Of course as I suspected they discussed "Embodiment" and "Mindfulness" and supported it with tons of Neurology. I get it and understand all that. What most ere unable to grasp was how easy it is to re-traumatize us by using those methods. Very few but the best speakers ever spoke of this fact. But at least it was beginning to be discussed and was helpful.

Although last year' was the largest to date, the quality of people (professionals) attending last year were generally very ignorant as well as arrogant. However this year the people attending without exception were all very well informed and each and everyone I met were astounding and very bright and caring people. It was very refreshing and will make me sad to leave. It also had a very different tone this year as well. It was very humble and curious with much great insight and discussion taking place.

The main reasons I go to such effort to try and attend these is for one to try and stay up and learn more as it not only impacts my own personal life but those very close and dear to me as well. The other reason I attend is to try and find resources that are safe and effective for treating severe and chronic dissociation. If I lived here on the east coast it would be a lot easier. But in Southern Oregon they are not an option at this point in time for we are so backwards where I live.

Modalities such as Neurofeedback, EMDR for complex Trauma, or Internal Family Systems are just not in my region. So finding effective and affordable treatments for me is a main goal of mine. It's a very frustrating simple reality and not going to improve anytime soon.

This is exactly why all of this Neurology research is so critical. I am so very grateful for people like Bessel Van der kolk who are always seeking the most effective and innovative ways to help treat us.

For myself I found that "Trauma Informed Yoga" is something will be digging into very quickly as it's very common for free yoga in my area and with just s few tweaks may be something that can be a very powerful healing tool to add to the mix.

In particular I have found someone in Minnesota who teaches it and in his unique and quirky way that I feel is very well suited for Severe Trauma and Dissociation. He is an extremely bright man with a degree in Formal Philosophy so applies it to his thought process, but is very fun and playful as well. He from my understanding is teaching Yoga in a very traditional manner which is very sensitive and gentle as well. And from the moment I first heard him speak asking one of the Key Neurologists very concise questions pertaining to dissociation , I knew he understood all of my usual complaints profoundly!

Soon afterwards it also was made very clear that Bessel van der kolk had invited him to come speak at the conference not only because he stated many times "Matt" (the Yoga instructor) was the most "Embodied" person he had ever met, but also because he clearly had a very well grounded and realistic perspective to balance the head in the clouds Scientists.

Did I mention that he is also paralyzed from the waste down and in a wheel chair from a car accident when he was 13?

The usual complaints I have about "Mindfulness", "Grounding Techniques" and the usual cognitive approaches is that doing something like a "Body Scan" can often trigger the living heck out of me and instead of "Grounding" me it triggers seizures, PTSD Flashbacks or very deep shut down. That is anything But helpful. This aspect was discussed by several key speakers as well. I tried to do "Chair Yoga" last year at the conference and bolted within minutes.

I was very lucky to be able to do a work shop with Matt at the end of the conference yesterday and we had already spoken about these very issues and he was very understanding from a close and personal level himself. That made me feel much safer to try again with him.

I won't go into details in this post yet, but it was a very intense experience and did yet again trigger the heck out of me, seizures included, but at the same time began to offer me more internal resources in addition to being with company (Bessel included) that understood on a deep level.

After leaving I was half embodied walking back to the bus station which was a very odd experience. Especially given it was entirely on my right side while the left was totally offline. Soon afterwards I became overwhelmed with uncontrollable sobbing and grief and just wanted to find a place to hide so I could cry in peace and in Boston where I was, there was none.

Now I must be totally honest here. I honestly have zero idea if it was trauma being dislodged due to the yoga 30 minutes earlier. Had no relation to it what so ever or somewhere in between. But one thing I can say with certainty is that it did seem to give me some very good internal resources in able to process them rather than be overwhelmed and re-traumatized during it. It really sucked that I had no safe place to do it in a much better setting rather than sobbing and definately in a "Little" all the while with no place to do it privately. I have read about these things and heard of other's experiences after EMDR or doing Body work, but had never experienced it myself. It was a very healing experience although a very intense one and was very dissociated for hours.

Finding things that are effective and easily done which can help me have more internal resources seems to be where I am heading.

I wouldn't say I learned anything that I already didn't already know. But I would say that it was very affirming to now have respected Neurological evidence to back it up now. Also to be able to step back and see a larger picture of it all especially the way this years was scheduled was very linear in that regard too. I feel the Neurology is very important on so many levels but for me most importantly is to learn what regions and structures are offline and how they shape perceptions and symptoms. By learning these aspects i am more able to find every day activities that can be done easily in daily living that can help heal.

There is something that has been bothering me about all the neurology stuff regarding Dissociation is the aspect that it's hard to ignore the fact that it's all these regions involved that shape and are also very much involved in the Multiplicity experience. They showed a video of a client before and after using Neurofeedback for the treatment of her DID and she integrated as a result. Bessel personally recommended it for me to treat my DID.

That is a bit upsetting in several ways to us. The first is that "They are just a product of offline regions in the brain". We don't like that at all. But in all truth Consciousness is a direct result of that as well so also applies to anyone who is not brain dead. They just hate being reduced to such a crude form of reduction.

The other thing that bothers us is the Integration thing. Perhaps I am fearing it because it's unknown to me? But if it involves have a singular perception and experience I don't honestly see that as being such a good thing in my case. One of the things I greatly enjoy as well as gain a very rich and diverse experience in life is simultaneously seeing the same thing from more than one point of view at once. It's a very rich and full experience in that regard. The times where I am only "One" seems flat and dull.I feel that If people could also see things from multiple perspectives the world would be a better place. This aspect greatly enriches my life. It's the Dissociation and haze in addition to the PTSD stuff I want to be free of.

I'm sure when I'm back home I will go into more detail and other aspects of the Conference. Right now I am sitting in a lobby on this poopy lap top.

Although this was especially brutal on me as far as being so triggered and such. Being around so many "wicked Smawt" people both in the conference as well as outside of it like in here at the Hostile has been wonderful. I would often go to Boston Commons and watch the dogs and squirrels play as well as all the happy healthy children with their loved ones and that always makes me glow inside. I especially love the vast Diversity of Boston. It's a youthful and very lively city. It reminds me how good it is for me to be out with happy people. I seriously need to get out of the cabin alone out in the woods more than I do. I should volunteer or something.

One thing that also was pretty apparent, is that a conference on DID I think might be more helpful now. I have a pretty solid foundation under my belt and this one although does delve into Dissociation and DID at time,s it also spends much time on Simple PTSD which is something very different on so many levels. What works very well for them, is horrific for us usually. I mean yes we all deal with those symptoms, but at the same time are almost polar opposites as well. I saw that all through out this conference and they would make that very clear as well. I have known this for a number of years, but it was really driven home this time around.

Well I'm beat and should get to bed for I have an early flight out in the morning back to Oregon.

Thank you so much for posting this summary. I'm glad that you had what sounded like an overall positive experience, and it's fascinating to hear about the conference.

I'm intrigued by the idea of Trauma-Informed Yoga. I do a lot of yoga nowadays, and if there were a way to make it even more of a healing experience, that would be great. I'll be looking this up when I have a chance.

I enjoyed your post as well, Lumpy.

I also hate the body scans and mindfulness. verra bad oogie-woogies.

it's an inspiration really - to stay more informed. I hide out way too much.

I looked up about trauma informed yoga and its not much different mostly just being respectful about people's issues like bot wanting to be touch or understanding people dissociate. I then called a yoga center and booked a class for next week.

I think the whole recommending integration is like the your deaf or blind so must want surgery and other difficult and challenging procedures so you can be "normal." But its ok not being normal or not wanting to be as long as you can be healthy, happy and stable. There can even be value in being not normal and having a different perception of the world.

Thanks for sharing about the conference. Hope your journey home is quick and pleasant!

V2

lumpy68 wrote:The other thing that bothers us is the Integration thing. Perhaps I am fearing it because it's unknown to me? But if it involves have a singular perception and experience I don't honestly see that as being such a good thing in my case.

A comment from my own experience of integration. Integration does not reduce awareness to the "singular" state you sometimes experience now. Instead it expands awareness. It embodies more parts, all together, so awareness is fuller, richer, more complex, more subtle, not less.

I go to these Weekend of Recovery workshops for women who have experienced sexual abuse. ( separate one for men).

At one of the weekends someone offered trauma informed yoga. Whether it was from the safety of the weekend or this particular style of yoga I don’t know but I never felt as “ in my body” as I did after these sessions.

Thanks for the run down on the weekend. Sounds like some interesting stuff.

We've been doing trauma sensitive yoga for a while, it is very helpful. we've been thru several stages now as the way we use it has been changing too.

we are also super scared about the neurofeedback stuff. Its reported in "the body keeps the score" and disturbed us deeply. we aim for integration with our system, but we want it to happen differently. we need more time. but we fully agree with Una, its not a bad things at all.

what is this trauma sensitive yoga and where can i get some of that?