How to calm everyone down at night?

Hello. I was just wondering if anyone has advice for calming everything down internally so I can finally get some sleep?

I've always had serve insomnia, which for the past several years I have been able to treat successfully with marijuana (with the occasional sleepless dry spell). This is no longer an option for me. I haven't slept in about 48 hours. Anytime I feel tired and start to fall asleep, I get flooded with thoughts of suicide or certain memories and thoughts that keep me up at night, out just seemingly random thoughts that are loud and uncontrollable. And then i have someone freaking out, planning to grab the gun and fight off an attack that is probably not gonna happen,planning what to do in case of violence, or run out in the woods, or go for a walk.

If anyone's got some drug free sleep advice to share, if greatly appreciate it. Thanks

Hi !

We've got a lot of trouble to fall asleep too.
I'm used to check everyone inside before going to bed, and talk with the ones who need to talk. It helps a lot. We can also gather inside, in the living room of the common house, and make a kind of sleepover. Everyone feels safer this way.
Also, when it's not enough, I put some soft and nice music that makes us feel good as a background sound. It helps to be focus on something else than our thoughts. We've got something like 20 songs in our playlist, and it's often we fall asleep way before the end.

Aaaand the plan C, when nothing else works like it's the case this past few days, is the lime-tree (Tilia). It's the third time I drink an infusion of it 1h before going to bed, so I'm still trying to adapt the time I let it in the water and the amount of lime-tree I put in it (the "3 pinches and 10mn in hot water" is too strong for me ), but gosh... it can be pretty effective.
A doctor told my mom about it when she was talking about my insomnia with him, and he adviced her to use that. He usually prescribes it for stress, anxiety and sleep issues, and also to clean people with a addiction to sleep pills.

Well, it doesn't help me with the anxiety, but I fall asleep at least 2h sooner than usual, and my sleep is really deep.
The first night, I've made its too strong, I fall asleep 4h sooner than usual, and I think my sleep was so deep it disturbed my brain 'cause I was awake each time my sleep cycles ended. But I went back to sleep easily and I wasn't tired at the morning.

I make the infusion myself, with dried leaves and flower I bought in a special market and a tea-pot made for that.
Maybe you could talk about it with your doctor ?

We always have music playing quietly. We really can't fall asleep if everything is quiet?

I think the music gives everyone something to focus on. Otherwise it's constant chatter and thinking.

-Violets

We have a night light and music and constantly remind ourselves of our environment and that its a safe space for us. It helps but we still have trouble sleeping.

Lately I've been trying to control who is fronting when its sleep time as some of us are worse they others, but I'm not being very successful.

The doctor won't even give me sleeping pills now because I complained they didn't work. I was told if your minds to active it can make them ineffective.

When I get really bad I won't even try sleeping until 2-3 hours before we need to get up.

it sounds like your problem is that some feel a lack of safety and the hypervigilance is keeping you up?
then what could you do to help everyone feel safe?
first questions is: ARE you safe? if you eg live with abusers I wouldnt want to sleep either.
some do a safety check every evening, walking thru their home, showing their parts all the safety measures in place.
for some it helps to have a night light, white noise, stuffies, certain clothes to wear at night, a weighted blanket... an evening ritual can help to calm everyone, its a routine that signals that you are acting today and that all is fine.
for the littles who are not fully co-conscious we mixed a blend of calming essential oils and spoke thru to tell them that whenever they smell this special smell it is safe to sleep.
it generally helps to listen to things during the day so they dont explode in your head when the others think that they can get your attention, when you try to sleep.
we have severe insomnia that has kept us up, even when fully medicated. the solution really was to work with the system and communicate safety.

we need visual or auditory stimulation depending on the night. Sometimes lights off sometimes one on, often peripheral ones on.

I think the most helpful things are exercise during the day (which can be hard - but even a 20 min brisk walk helps), melatonin, and an OCD fantasy to keep the mind full. Our OCD fantasies can be about something real or something imagined and we think about every last little detail. One for example was winning a lottery and how you would spend the money on different people and the small details of what you would get how you would surprise them etc....it can go on and on. Another is building a house - how it would be, the colours of the room, the decorating, how you would renovate etc.... the yard, the plants etc.... Our mind has to be focused on something or trauma, work and hypervigilance keep us awake.

and occasionally I ask if everyone can just let the body sleep and deal with whatever concerns them tomorrow. I explain emotions get bigger when the body is tired. And go from a physiological pov - the body needs sleep - and don't associate the body to a particular part.

Good luck and I hope you've had some rest since you posted.

I didn't expect to get so many helpful replies so quickly. I really appreciate each of you for taking the time to try to help! (Sorry if parts of this seem inconsistent, I feel like I'm going back and forth between a few different states of mind right now.) I actually did end up sleeping for a few hours around sunrise, then got up and was busy all day.


Hi Dwelt! J'espere que tu vas bien! That is some good advice. I'm not any good at dealing with internal issues sober though. My sober response is to try to ignore and bury and try to just "be normal." I think this will take a lot of practice. I haven't heard of lime-tree infusion, but it sounds promising; I will definitely pick some up next chance I get! "I was awake each time my sleep cycles ended" - this has happened to me before, not sure why, but like you it didn't make me tired in the morning either. I don't see a doctor very often but I may mention this if I can remember next time I see her.


I've tried listening to music before, but then I sometimes end up focusing too much on the lyrics or worrying that I will have to turn it off. I normally use a fan for noise, but it doesn't really seem to help.


Sorry to hear you're suffering from this as well NyxX, I really hope you'll be able to find a solution that works for you. Have you tried melatonin? (Does nothing for me but you could try it.) I read that cherries are a natural source for it. And valerian root is another one I have heard about that may help.


Birdsong87: "it sounds like your problem is that some feel a lack of safety and the hypervigilance is keeping you up?
then what could you do to help everyone feel safe?
first questions is: ARE you safe?"

Yea, hypervigilance definitely seems to be part of it. I live alone in a relatively safe place. I found out this morning that I forgot to lock the door though (which I normally just do automatically), so I feel really guilty and stupid about that. I'll be leaving here in a few days though to stay somewhere I've never been with someone I've never met, so I'm really really not looking forward to that.

It definitely sounds like a good idea to work on communication throughout the day, but not everyone who fronts throughout the day seems to agree, or is capable of doing so without having a panic attack or feeling hopeless and afraid that he's going crazy and that his entire life is destroyed. Lot's of work ahead. Unless I'm wrong and he's right and he's just making this all up (for whatever reason).


SamsLand: "Sometimes lights off sometimes one on, often peripheral ones on."

Funny you should mention that. I have noticed that soft incandescent lighting (maybe the warmth of it?) certainly doesn't hurt falling asleep. I may experiment with that. I don't just sit around all day, but I probably do need to get more exercise. Melatonin doesn't help.

I'll often start to try to think of a good, or fun situation that I'd like to dream about before going to bed, and that works a lot of the time, but it hasn't worked at all lately. I still keep getting interrupted with all these other thoughts/voices/impulses. Sometimes communication is great, other times it seems impossible. Lately it hasn't been good. A lot of fear and stress and anxiety, and those fronting don't want to think about the possibility of having a "disorder" on top of that. Still no reason why I can't try to let everyone know that it's okay to just relax and let the body sleep for a few hours. I'll try. Thank you.


Thanks again to everyone for all the wonderful advice! Sorry if any part of this is confusing. I'm so tired. Good night.

I thought last night would go better; I was wrong. Three hours of sleep is better than nothing though. At least I have coffee.

so......I mean you have a pretty legitimate reason to be freaking out. you are embarking to the unknown to live there in an unknown living situation. dude.....there is no trick that will get you to sleep right before that! none. but going forward, and heartfelt good wishes to you! I hope your leap of faith is an amazing thing and takes you on your path. these are my best sleep hygiene suggestions.

bedroom is for sleeping. never, ever hang out in there. keep it clean and neat. keep weapons near your bed. I have a shotgun and a machete. but it can be anything that might help you feel safe. like a bat or a hammer. and you gotta have the sweet bomb diggidy snuggly bed. like whatever is your style. but hook it up with textures and fabrics that are soothing. colors you like and a good pillow. and get a stuffie. whether you even feel like you need one. I would wager a 95% chance a stuffie helps. keep the lights down and the temp comfy. don't try to fall asleep. just lay down and relax with your eyes closed. and don't ever, ever, clock watch. no clocks. no glowing electronics. or charging phones.

maintain a consistent bedtime. weekdays and weekends. stick to your schedule. start winding down 2 hours before target bedtime. don't watch an action movie. relax. dim the lights. journal, think, read. I like to watch nature documentaries, on mute and doodle fantasy house floor plans. it's whatever you find relaxing.

you can go OTC herbal and it will help.
valerian
passion flower
kava kava
lemon balm
scent: lavender and camomile

there is an interesting med option, you'll see it in my signature. that's what saved me from wicked, chronic, relentless insomnia. it's a blood pressure medication. you take it at a really low dose. it's marketing name is "mini-press". my nightmares are like gone. and I sleep all the time now!!! don't get me wrong, I am not magically cured, but it's still a ######6 miracle!! I sleep every night. for at least 5 hours!!! and lots and lots of nights I can get 6-7 hours!!!!!! so I know you said no drugs - but if nightmares and hypervigilance are a thing....it's the best. prazosin.

so. you come home. you unwind. you really relax and calm and decompress. some breathing, a touch of meditation. just lowering, lowering, the arousal level slowly. easing into it. you can't force it. then adding anything that you are supplementing for sleep. a cup of herbal tea. herbal extract. melatonin. a prescription. take that about 20-30 before. then perform a perimeter check. on all lights, locks, doors, windows, pets and children all in place. then beside your bed, quick weapons glance. you're covered. everything is safe and quiet. your perimeter is secure. your method of lethal defense is near at hand. you snuggle down in your comfy bed. curl up with your stuffie. close your eyes. and don't even worry about if you fall asleep. just enjoy resting in your bed with your eyes closed.

thats my absolute best advice on how to get sleep. my second best advice is to find the safest place to live you possibly can. I know a lot of factors go into that and I lived a hell of a lot places myself. but living somewhere you feel safe is probably the most important thing anyone with hyperarousal can do. that means different things for different people. some people feel safe and anonymous surrounded by the noise of the city, with street lamps and lights everywhere so it's never dark. and that's their jam. I'm a live way out in the country, with a big ass dog, and a big ass gun, and not many neighbors. that's my jam!!! and that helps more than the med. so it's that combination of factors.

sacred bedroom
stick to the schedule
wound down 2hr
biological sleep aid if desired
perimeter check.
weapon, stuffie. dream bed.

and cut out sugar and caffeine. when you're ready. that helps a lot too.

forgive my pretensious wall of text. I only want to help. I've been carrying that cross for 20 years now. I just hit my 1 year anniversary of sleeping. and it is a miracle!

water and vitamins, too!

SamsLand wrote: an OCD fantasy to keep the mind full. Our OCD fantasies can be about something real or something imagined and we think about every last little detail. One for example was winning a lottery and how you would spend the money on different people and the small details of what you would get how you would surprise them etc....it can go on and on. Another is building a house - how it would be, the colours of the room, the decorating, how you would renovate etc.... the yard, the plants etc.... Our mind has to be focused on something or trauma, work and hypervigilance keep us awake.

and occasionally I ask if everyone can just let the body sleep and deal with whatever concerns them tomorrow.

all the yes's. think happy thoughts. this is also what I do. I love the name for it, OCD fantasy. we call it having an imagining. yes that helps big time.

birdsong87 wrote:it generally helps to listen to things during the day so they dont explode in your head when the others think that they can get your attention, when you try to sleep.
we have severe insomnia that has kept us up, even when fully medicated. the solution really was to work with the system and communicate safety.

basically everything birdsong said but especially this. otherwise bedtime becomes coms time and that's not getting anyone to sleep.

***

there are 2 other physiological tricks you can play on yourself. a drop in body temp and decline in blood sugar. I don't have to do these every night anymore, but they make good aces up my sleeve now.

take a hot shower about 30-45 minutes before target sleep time. make sure to get your entire face well several times to really activate the mammalian dive response. the hot bath or shower will raise your body temp so you can take advantage of the drop later. when you get out of the shower or bath. eat/drink a little bit of some thing to raise your blood sugar. then in like twenty minutes when your body temp and blood sugar drop you will have a tiny window of drowsiness to leverage.