If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Thanks, Johnny-Jack. Most of us want to get along, but there are some protectors making themselves known who still really believe that if everyone falls in line behind them, or just shuts up and disappears, that would be a big improvement.

So I don't think that they are near ready to agree that "you can't beat 'em." Admitting that would be too much of a weakness. We have gotten as far as an agreement to "respect each other's feelings," with "respect" sometimes only meaning, "Fine, go ahead and feel that way--I think it's stupid and going to end up hurting us, but I made that stupid ######6 agreement, so, FINE."

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Thanks, Johnny-Jack. Most of us want to get along, but there are some protectors making themselves known who still really believe that if everyone falls in line behind them, or just shuts up and disappears, that would be a big improvement.

Dingdingdingdingding! You've just described Rachel to a T. Or at least to an R or an S.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:So I don't think that they are near ready to agree that "you can't beat 'em." Admitting that would be too much of a weakness. We have gotten as far as an agreement to "respect each other's feelings," with "respect" sometimes only meaning, "Fine, go ahead and feel that way--I think it's stupid and going to end up hurting us, but I made that stupid ######6 agreement, so, FINE."

Rachel hasn't gotten far enough to respect others' feelings (hell, I still have problems with this), but she won't take her feelings out on the kids, at least.

Laura and others

Hi MakersDozn,

Well, I'm using the word respect very loosely--I think for that protector it just goes as far as acknowledging that others get to have feelings different from them, while reserving the right to express their feelings about those other feelings. It's like they're saying that the feeling can be there, but they think it's "stupid" to feel that way (or "f---ing stupid", more likely).

the Gang

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Hi MakersDozn,

Well, I'm using the word respect very loosely--I think for that protector it just goes as far as acknowledging that others get to have feelings different from them, while reserving the right to express their feelings about those other feelings. It's like they're saying that the feeling can be there, but they think it's "stupid" to feel that way (or "f---ing stupid", more likely).

the Gang

Sounds familiar.

Years ago, Rachel didn't used to be that way. (Yeah, I'm using bad grammar. Sue me.) But as we've gotten some of the who's-who-and-who's-feeling-what sorted out, she's become the charming self that she is today.

Laura and others

Everyone is getting along ok this morning, so things are getting done. (Although we couldn't overcome the urge to check the forum, which almost always leads to writing here, which then can totally stop the flow of the day). I always try to save it for when I actually have time, but someone (or more than one?) really needs to touch base with it--it's become like a security object in some ways. The process of doing that seems to help those that are very accepting of this situation to make sure that other parts don't slip into denial--like, "see, we belong on here. You can't pretend I don't exist. We really have this, but it's going to be ok."

Sometimes I worry about how important this place is to me, and I also worry about how much I share on here. But I have the same worries about my T, and that process is definitely helping me, so there you go.

for what it is worth, we have been (over)sharing here for years and it has never caused harm

Thanks, Asti. For what it's worth, I don't think you overshare!

I'm not sure if I should make this a separate thread or not--I'm trying to make this into sort of a journey thread, so I guess I'll keep it here (ok, so I should just delete that sentence, since there is now no need for it, but someone doesn't want me to. Sigh...)

Nadia wants to post, and doesn't really want to bother the other littles with sad or "heavy" stuff, so she wanted to post here:

Hi. This is Nadia. I'm kind of young, but I've had to do a lot of grown-up stuff, like drive, and help take care of and protect the outside babies when they were little, and worry about every bad thing that could happen (kids aren't supposed to have to do that, I don't think).

So there are a lot of things that make me feel upset and scared, and they don't seem to ever go away, even if they happened a long time ago and are better now. Like if someone got hurt, but then they were all better after that, I just remember the scariness and upsetness of the getting hurt part. Or I get pictures of all the bad and horrible things that can happen, just anytime, when you're doing anything. Or all the ways that people can be mean or are probably thinking bad things about me all the time. And also, lots of things just seem like they are probably my fault.

I can feel safe if I'm watching Kimba on the computer with the stuffies, so that's where I go (either inside or outside) if my feelings start to interfere with stuff that they want to do. But am I always just going to be like this? I don't want to be. It would be nice to just have fun sometimes and not worry about everything all the time.

I took up too much time to write this, and now people are kind of annoyed with me because there are other things we need to do and I got to watch Kimba already this morning. But I really wanted to see if anyone out there had anything to say that would help me know if things will ever be different. The hopeless one who always wants us to die says no, and that even if they could be, it wouldn't be worth how much it would hurt to try to do that.

Okay, bye.
Nadia

We're glad that you wrote here, Nadia. We're sorry that you're feeling upset and scared.

How old are you, if you don't mind saying? We have kids just about every age. They can talk about your feelings here with you.

MDs

Hi Nadia,

Thanks for writing

Iain