If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

TheGangsAllHere wrote:make sure that other parts don't slip into denial--like, "see, we belong on here. You can't pretend I don't exist. We really have this, but it's going to be ok."

I have the same experience of this forum. I stay away as long as I can, and then when I can't resist I come on here. For me, too, it's as if parts of me are saying, "See. We exist."

I hope you're right that it's going to be okay. I'm scared a lot.

J

MakersDozn wrote:We're glad that you wrote here, Nadia. We're sorry that you're feeling upset and scared.

How old are you, if you don't mind saying? We have kids just about every age. They can talk about your feelings here with you.

MDs

Thanks, MDs. Ages aren't very clear for a lot of us--mine might change, but I think I'm 8 or 9 most of the time.

I feel a little better now because people inside are asking me about what kinds of things I want, and I realized that I like mermaids, like Ariel, so the next time we put new nail polish on our toes, they said that instead of always being sparkly blue like we've been getting, I can choose and make them be sparkly green to remind me of mermaids. Then I could look at our toes and remember that everyone in here doesn't hate me.

Hi Gang,
Just wanted to leave a little note to say we were here and are wishing you all a good journey (thread).
Heather

comevuoi wrote:

TheGangsAllHere wrote:make sure that other parts don't slip into denial--like, "see, we belong on here. You can't pretend I don't exist. We really have this, but it's going to be ok."

I have the same experience of this forum. I stay away as long as I can, and then when I can't resist I come on here. For me, too, it's as if parts of me are saying, "See. We exist."

I hope you're right that it's going to be okay. I'm scared a lot.

J

Hi Jenny,

I can't stay away. I can manage to avoid our journal, because that takes more intention, but sitting down at the computer is almost impossible to resist. I think the pull is very strong for my system because for so many years the parts didn't think that they should exist, because nothing "really" bad happened to us, and I didn't lose time, either in the past or present. So now that they know that they have a reason to exist, they want to make sure we keep that knowledge front and center.

Not all the parts think that it's going to be ok, and some are scared a lot, but some of them are sure of it and they believe the T when he says that he is very hopeful about us.

Hi Heather,

Thanks for the support!!

the Gang

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Thanks, MDs. Ages aren't very clear for a lot of us--mine might change, but I think I'm 8 or 9 most of the time.

I feel a little better now because people inside are asking me about what kinds of things I want, and I realized that I like mermaids, like Ariel, so the next time we put new nail polish on our toes, they said that instead of always being sparkly blue like we've been getting, I can choose and make them be sparkly green to remind me of mermaids. Then I could look at our toes and remember that everyone in here doesn't hate me.

Hi Nadia,

I think I like a lot of the same stuff that you like. Like Barbies and Princesses and pink and sparkly stuff. Our bigger people say I am The Iron Fist In The Velvet Glove. Which means that even though I like girly stuff I am tough.

Christine who's 8 and a half

Something happened yesterday that caused a lot of upset in the system, and we kind of went in to a downward spiral that was a little scary, and hard to get out of. I did a lot of journaling last night to try to figure it out (when I was crying too much to fall asleep), and we came up against the solid, unshakeable belief of one of our protectors that we are "ugly, weird, and stupid" and so we shouldn't let people see us and shouldn't draw attention to ourselves, etc. Since some of us love to do something that involves performing, and we're finally getting to do it after not pursuing it ever really in the past, this causes a bit of a problem. And it affects me in all kinds of other situations, too.

Since I was still very weepy this morning but had to go to work and then to another brief performing-type thing tonight, I figured that I had to do something to be able to get through the day. So while I was commuting to work, I talked to the two parts that were the most upset, and planned where they were going to be and what they would be doing so they would be safe and protected from whatever outside stuff we were doing. I have sort of tried to make inside places for them before, but I was more focused on how to create the place rather than with making sure that the place created the feeling that would be helpful. (Or maybe I just have better communication now). Anyway, there was one place for Bobby where he was safe and happy, and one for Nadia and a bunch of littles where they were safe and happy. So they went to those places, and I could check in with them during the day to make sure they were still ok, and they were. That was one of the easiest and most efficient days of work that I've had in a long time--and it's a stressful and potentially triggering kind of work that I do, so I was really impressed with how well this plan worked!

We're kind of unsettled because a protector got really upset with our T and texted him yesterday morning. After we initially set up the weekly appointment last June, we've never contacted him outside of a session before, except once when we left a stuffie there accidentally and the littles were upset. But that was on a Friday afternoon, not early on a Sunday morning!

The T handled it very well--somehow the long text he sent back got the protector to calm down and back off, and since the T had never really heard from the protector before, I asked if I could send him some of the posts from them (the protector won't tell me or anyone their name or gender--for some reason that's top secret. Is that weird?). And then we'll just talk on Friday when I see him.

But it bothered me to have the protector send that text, read the reply, and then just go away, leaving me to handle the situation. Because the T couldn't tell that that's what happened, so I have to wait until Friday to explain it to him--if I'm even able to be in front. Some of the older littles are scared because they don't want to have to deal with this and they are the ones that usually go to therapy.

Anyway, reassurance or been-there-done-that stories would be very welcome...

Our protector part sent an email to our T this past weekend. It's only the 2nd email he's sent, that I'm aware of. He deletes them from our sent-mail list so there's no trace. I only know about it because T wrote back and quoted what he sent. He did this the previous weekend, emailed our best friend...

It definitely makes me feel unsettled as well. I don't know why all the secrecy. In our case we've know about this part for a couple months but his protector role was kept hidden from us until about a week or so ago.

I'm glad your T handled it ok. We see ours Friday too, so we'll find out how she felt about dealing with our protector at that point too.

Sorry I don't have reassurances.. just the been there doing that with you.

-Violet (1)

I so identify...I spent 2 days pretty much sleeping I had to take my meds to slow everyone down cause the trauma parts were too much. Today I'm taking everyone out and maybe we'll get some Lego...but more important one part needs to get to a meeting maybe the small ones can have a treat for sitting through AA... There is the temptation though to just hide away for the day.