How do you take care of your babies?

SamsLand wrote:for some reason this all makes me very sad. it is all imagery of course. I know what you are saying L and thegangsallhere but it still feels perhaps too elaborate and unhealthy. Or do I feel that because it feels good and things that feel good i believe I don't deserve?

Just speaking from my own experience, I think the sadness comes from having to provide that imagery for oneself; it comes from the knowledge that no one really gave us what parents are supposed to provide for their babies--real holding and comforting and soothing. An attachment to a T can help us build that imagery inside ourselves, but the process of doing that requires grieving all that we didn't get when we should have, and brings up all kinds of other issues: can we trust it? is it "real"? aren't good feelings dangerous because we might let our guard down and that's when we will get crushed by the bad feelings? And maybe also feeling not deserving of it, like you said. After all if our parents didn't think we deserved it, who are we to think that we do? (Hence the need for a therapist to confirm that we do deserve it, by serving as someone who is safe to attach to).

I'm just thinking this through as I write it--I really do some of my most useful processing of things on here, and I'm glad I can come back and read it again because I can't usually take in these insights at first (or even remember them very well...).

Oh, S.P., all of this is so true....

Charity and others

Sorry--not wanting to make people sad. I'm only even able to talk about these issues so blithely because I'm feeling very hopeful about my current T. I'm just starting to feel what it's like to internalize a positive supportive feeling that he is generating, and that he can maybe handle me and I won't be "too much" for him (like I was for the previous T), and that it will be safe to become more attached to him. It's giving me some distance and insulation right now from all the painful aspects of the process. Temporarily, of course.

MD -wow. I wonder if I have any of that inside -have only met a really unkind caretaker one time .Gee, wonder who thats modeled on.

Don’t know Samsland -your imagery feels loving to me and evidence of a close and safe bond. You deserve and deserved that your whole life.

Johnny-Jack -like the idea about singing lullabies. It’s funny cause we’re great with outside babies but stall when it’s inside

TheGangsAllHere-agree it’s sad because we never got that safety and attachment to heathy others where T has to fit in. It gives us hope that you found good T -can relate to not wanting to feel like “too much”. Feeling safely attached is such a feeling . I made a card for my T “ shelter from the storm “ was the theme / picture - ( song from Bob Dylan).

I'm very new to all of this, and I don't know how to take care of my babies. My T asks 14 and 18 to watch them, but 14 and 18 are resentful that they're always the ones asked to take care of the babies. My T says they're good with kids and they have the energy. We haven't sorted out all of my alters yet, so hopefully we'll find someone/s willing and able to watch the babies. They need it.

i need to take care of sweet pea. I think she is about 9ish months old.

Is there someone who can hold her and carry her around? I've felt little ones relax when I send the imagery and thoughts that I'm just going to carry them around all the time, and never put them down. A tight hug against you (or someone inside) like in a Snuggly.

working on it. she is....angry? maybe aelen and marga?

this is from sweet pea - idk who is translating

you call me sweet pea - don't know why - I sad - cry cry cry - why hurt me - why bad - why sad me
mean beat yell scream I hungry I scared I cry why? take my bottle take my toys hide me dark me scary noise upside down scary face laugh mean hurt me cry scary go inside.
mean I cry. where my bottle my blankie I sad. no love me hurt me scare me. alone hungry hurt scared. mean one pinch me laugh me make me cry laugh harder why?
nobody love me am I bad? nobody love me sad sad sad
mean one hurt me makes it burn laugh laugh laugh. no save me hurt me. why. where? WHERE YOU WHEN I HURTING BAD? WHERE YOU BEES ALL LONG TIME? I INSIDE GETTING HURT YOU SAY EVERYBODY RESCUED BUT I INSIDE GETTING HURT AND BURNT AND PINCHED AND TOUCHED AND TEASED AND LAUGH AT ME SCARED. LAUGH AT ME HURT. LAUGH AT ME CRY. WHY HURT AND BURN? NOW OLD FAT UGLY NO TURNS! SAD MAD YOU.
you leave me you go. no try help me. no save me no water no clothes no blankie no snuggle no nothing for me.
NOBODY LOVE ME ONLY HURT ME WHY I WAKE UP HATE YOU ALL.

i am so overwhelmed by it I don't even know.

do I go to target and get actual real world baby stuff? like a baby blanket and a baby snuggle?

or just internal imagery? it's like she wants to grow just big enough to ride Marga and run off with Aelen and live wild like they do. I feel like she both longs for and utterly rejects any comfort. there's so much hurt and anger.

I think this is what set me off the deep end. from that bad panic attack semi flashback where she woke up.

Hi BeccaBee,

rose (see earlier in this thread) rocks them in her rocking chair. If they're feeling secure attachment, she engages in age-appropriate play activities with them. Or lets them play as she watches them, whichever applies.

I used to visualize that it was me doing this. For years I visualized this. It didn't jibe with all of my other visualizations of myself inside, where I was always alone. I've since realized that it's rose, not me, taking care of the baby and the toddlers. But that's an issue for our journey thread.

We have six or seven teens who share the responsibility of caring for the children. Usually it's divided by sibling groups, with some flexibility, as some have more siblings than others. Or children play by age group. But rose generally deals with the youngest ones.

We believe in you, Bees. You can work this out.

Charity and others