What specifically makes you switch?

Same here--I'm starting to notice switches, but most are subtle enough to be written off as just being spacey. I noticed one today and I had to sit for a minute and remind myself that these have been going on all along without my knowing--it's not something new to be afraid of.

Hi,

Switching isn't something to be afraid of. I mean Bobby is really nice and I bet you have some other good people inside too. Host was really freaked about switched until he realized we've been taking care of him for years.

Iain

Thank you, Iain!

I do appreciate and respect how they have been managing things and taking care of me. It's just kind of like suddenly seeing the inner workings of a piece of machinery. It looks like it works a certain way from the outside, and then you realize it's completely different than how you thought. I mean, this is a silly analogy, but it's a little like discovering that there really are tiny musicians inside the radio, or a row of little guys with scissors sitting inside my shredder. Something I was sure that I knew exactly how it worked from looking at the surface, but was completely ignorant about.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I mean, this is a silly analogy, but it's a little like discovering that there really are tiny musicians inside the radio, or a row of little guys with scissors sitting inside my shredder. Something I was sure that I knew exactly how it worked from looking at the surface, but was completely ignorant about.

I actually love these analogies, for how they illustrate how we can be so wrong about these day-to-day things.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I noticed one today and I had to sit for a minute and remind myself that these have been going on all along without my knowing--it's not something new to be afraid of.

This is something I have trouble with too. Prevous host has been gone nearly 7 weeks now, and with her denial or whatever, my perspective was she never had to deal with any of this. From my point of view it all started when she vanished. I have to constantly remind myself that she dealt with this all the time too, even if she was actively pretending these things weren't happening.

Thanks, VioletFlux. Sometimes I post things and then later I'm sure that I probably offended someone or sounded ridiculous. It's amazing (and distressing) how deep my expectation goes of being invalidated, or misunderstood, or considered just wrong and an awful person who shouldn't even exist. Being accepted and understood here is so hugely meaningful for me. Especially as I discover all these things about myself that (when I'm feeling a certain way) could just be viewed as more evidence of "wrongness" (as if it's my bad reactions to past trauma that were really the problem and not the trauma itself).

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Thanks, VioletFlux. Sometimes I post things and then later I'm sure that I probably offended someone or sounded ridiculous. It's amazing (and distressing) how deep my expectation goes of being invalidated, or misunderstood, or considered just wrong and an awful person who shouldn't even exist. Being accepted and understood here is so hugely meaningful for me. Especially as I discover all these things about myself that (when I'm feeling a certain way) could just be viewed as more evidence of "wrongness" (as if it's my bad reactions to past trauma that were really the problem and not the trauma itself).

Maybe start a thread about this? it is a bit of hijack for me to go on about this but part of the trauma to our personhood is that people believed in us/accused of us things that were not true. Believed us to be a person we weren't. And the chronic feelings of being invalidated, not accepted and misunderstood are also with us, like an anchor.

MakersDozn wrote:

Johnny-Jack wrote:99% of our switches cause no problem or stress -- leaving aside therapy. So most are routine and mundane. In other words, for my system, switches are normal and usually aren't caused by or don't cause stress.

Yep.

MDs

double yep-yep. mine are more like role based. like if I have to perform an analytical task at work. or a mom thing. or a social thing. I very rarely even notice phasing. teamwork makes the DreamWorks. except for the therapy part.....I was not handling that $#%^. mad respect to y'all that fight that battle.

Hi,

Ok so last week Host was in control but Colin needed to work on some stuff so Colin ASKED Host to switch and Host let it happen! A deliberate switch on purpose because somebody asked. Host is usually a real jerk about keeping control ALL the time and NEVER sharing with anybody if he could help it. But he did it! And he didn't freak out (much) when he came back later and it was like dark outside and we were watching a movie. And he says - What are you guys watching? Just like it was normal and everything.

Pretty cool!

Iain

Sorry, I talk/write way too much, as a rule.*

TheGangsAllHere: omg I'm so relieved someone can relate to that worry about offending others ... it's with me constantly, especially post-switch when I "wake up" to what another has done, but it's hyperactive ... meaning I can write or say something totally benign and then implode. In fact, I often post and disappear for days or more because I'm terrified to return even though this has been a safe place ... I suppose it's partly the exposure, but also having my barometer busted by years of my truth being attacked and rejected. I expect bad things to happen when I open up, on top of feeling like I surely have stepped on toes in my clumsy way and will no longer be welcome.

*Apparently I have an issue with needing to be understood as well. A therapist said that 20 years ago and I had no idea what he was talking about ... all these years later, the need is so acute I finally see what he meant. I assume I will be misunderstood or not given a fair shake so I say and disclose too much, which only makes it worse ...

And being hyper-vigilant to other people's body language and speech, I always end up wondering what part of it I'm responsible for. If the reaction is bad, it's def me. Constant re-playing conversations until I have a full-on shame spiral, lol. What stupid thing did I say? Did I interrupt, miss a joke, expose my incredible strangeness?

In fact, when I saw Una+'s reply to me, I felt utterly horrible and spent all day questioning where I'd gone wrong. Not because of her/you Una+, purely my pre-existing baggage. I struggled to write this long response to say I understood and then panicked and never posted it. :/

Ummm... I could've sworn I read a reply from someone about needing to learn to read others in order to gauge where the abuser or others who might be a threat are ... I wanted to address the poster by name and can't find it! But what she/he said-- that's exactly the origin of my hypersensitivity to how others carry themselves, is trauma, and trying to anticipate what's about to happen and how bad it will be. I think by nature I'm pretty porous but it's so heightened I'll pick up on a hushed argument 3 tables behind me, or realize a child or animal does not feel safe with the adult ... I've confronted people several times when I have positive confirmation of mistreatment, a definite and instant switch ... but that's another story!

Now I'm really confused ... I thought someone asked if I'd ever been told I seem psychic or intuitive ... maybe I'm not tracking well, but I'd love to see that topic some time ... I have a handful of confirmed experiences with that but it's never been an ability I can summon. Just happens.

Thanks all, I never cease to be amazed at how bright and self-aware DIDers are, and so expressive. It would make an interesting topic to see if anyone thinks those qualities are linked in some possible way to DID)

SamsLand wrote:

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Thanks, VioletFlux. Sometimes I post things and then later I'm sure that I probably offended someone or sounded ridiculous. It's amazing (and distressing) how deep my expectation goes of being invalidated, or misunderstood, or considered just wrong and an awful person who shouldn't even exist. Being accepted and understood here is so hugely meaningful for me. Especially as I discover all these things about myself that (when I'm feeling a certain way) could just be viewed as more evidence of "wrongness" (as if it's my bad reactions to past trauma that were really the problem and not the trauma itself).

Maybe start a thread about this? it is a bit of hijack for me to go on about this but part of the trauma to our personhood is that people believed in us/accused of us things that were not true. Believed us to be a person we weren't. And the chronic feelings of being invalidated, not accepted and misunderstood are also with us, like an anchor.

we feel you are onto something here. Invalidation, even the fear of invalidation can be crippling to us. It can prevent us from trying new things, from completing tasks...