not identifying with your given name that you always gone by

does anyone have the experience of not identifying with your given name? accepting its what people call you and answering to it but feeling unattached...disconnected...weird and "icky" when you have to say it for someone? and like you say it wrong? like it's wrong or not yours? idk I've felt like this a very long time if not as long as i can remember and just kind of starting to acknowledge it and wondering if its a usual experience.

I have gotten used to feeling this way its been so long.... I think I just assumed everyone felt this way....or didn't really acknowledge maybe...im not sure.... not even sure what has gotten me disturbed over it lately.... maybe this whole identity crisis i have going on.
it's not just a "dislike" of my name which I know some people have. I just don't feel like I am that name. idk.


I don't even know what I think my name should be. maybe I'm just nameless. maybe I should just be identified with a number..or a colour or something. only feels like a matter of.time.til i dissolve into thin air anyway.

Hi, star0dust. Many of us have felt this. Our Given name actually is my alter name, as far as I know, but it still feel off sometimes. When discovered I'm an alter, I didn't know for sure what my name was. We had a Johnny so I must by default be John. Like maybe there's an older John, and I'm a new one. There's already one of those. He introduced himself as John and because he was so young and so as not to confuse him with anyone, we asked if we could call him Little John, as in the title of his favorite book.

I probably feel more like I'm lying when I'm giving someone my name because it doesn't feel to be mine 100%. Other know they're giving the primary host's name instead of their own but they're doing that deliberately and are cool with it. I always feel like I'm lying when I have to give my age, unless it date with birth year then they're asking what year was your body born and that I can answer.

Most singletons (normals) don't feel this way. Most have only one answer to what their name and age is.

Some of us gave their name as John, then when we asked if that was it, they added a second name, as in John Henry, or John Luke. Internally and to the system members they go by the second name. But the first name allows them to answer a question addressed to John and not feel bad.

We've had alters who by habit do not think their name. They need not to give any clues or make themselves aware or be overheard that their not the same person who they replace from time to time.

We have a post earlier this month - nameless host I think. We go by NH if we really feel the need to sign a name.

It is ok. You don't have to come up with your name on anyone else's clock. when and if it comes is the perfect time.

We don't identify with the body name, we consider the name as meeting the needs of the outside world. What outside people, society and legal systems need to identify us. But since a name isn't required to understand who I am from the inside, it is not necessary in my opinion.

Other people feel however having a name is a very powerful thing and can be a way to validate existence. We have parts that feel this way. I just don't happen to have that need. And it is ok.

We have another part who is 7 years old and doesnt want to reveal his name so he goes by X-7. So numbers, letters, symbols, words that describe a personality trait or role are also ok if you need them. But what matters is what you want. And if you don't know yet. Then you dont know and you can decide when you know.

star0dust wrote:Accepting its what people call you and answering to it but feeling unattached...disconnected...weird and "icky" when you have to say it for someone? and like you say it wrong? like it's wrong or not yours?
[...]
it's not just a "dislike" of my name which I know some people have. I just don't feel like I am that name.

Yep, same here.
None of us wear the body's name. We all know it, we all answer to it, but it's more like a family name than a first name.
Even if I'm the "host" and the one who interact more with the outside, I never felt connected to the body's name. I like it, it's unusual and I met only one people with the same name, but when I hear it, I don't feel like "It's me". When I have to say it, I feel like I'm talking about someone else.

It was Daem who choose the name I use in the system, and when my best friends call me by it, I have the "it's me" feeling.

Hi,

We answer to Host's name because that's just what you do. We don't think about it much. It's just one of those little lies we have to tell all the time so people don't look at us like we're crazy. The world wasn't built for multiples.

Iain

We need a special name tag that's like a 'multiple' choice test -

Hi my name is... (pick one)
A. (hostname)
B. Iain
C. Evan
D. Colin
E. Cody
F. Other
G. All of the above
H. None of the above

We never liked our birth name but we are also transgender. That said, we're not sure if we ever liked our deadname. In our youth we invented a name, _____, which we sort of secretly imagined was our name.

IainEtc wrote:We need a special name tag that's like a 'multiple' choice test -

Hi my name is... (pick one)
A. (hostname)
B. Iain
C. Evan
D. Colin
E. Cody
F. Other
G. All of the above
H. None of the above

Love this. And I only just noticed the pun. Now I'll never be able to hear that phrase without thinking of it.

I was talking to a high school friend the other day. He made this joke - "You've been trying to escape your name for the whole time I've known you." I thought that was hilarious. It's so true, though. I met him as the body name, then knew him as another name (the name of the alter writing this post, incidentally~), then body name, then a different name... Back to body name. After realizing we basically, simultaneously want to be named about five thousand different things it seemed pointless to bother changing the name. Our legal name is but a placeholder, now...

We struggle with this. Most accept the name as a label stuck on. Apart from M who gets upset when it is rejected because the given name is her name. W refuses to be called M.

We're struggling with this. We posted about it here dissociative-identity/topic202202.html

The previous host changed the legal name to suit her a long time ago. She's gone now and we want to change the legal name to suit us because using her name feels very uncomfortable. We hate pretending to be her.

The two of us who front most often are both happy with the name Violet so that's what we want to do.