Do you have Teen alters?

Hi Johnny-Jack,

I'm glad your teens didn't get abused - but losing your dad must have been really hard. Teens in our system are seriously angry (me too sometimes) and feel pretty broken. Sometimes we try to figure out if we did something wrong (like if we should have done more to stop the abuse). I guess we feel really ashamed and kind of not good enough to be around other people. Mostly we're like your teens just trying to figure out how to be ok.

Iain

Losing the father was disruptive. Some of us must have been glad he died. We recall standing in front of the open casket a lot, staring. A few wanted to make sure he was really dead, not pretending. And it's clear we need to work harder to convince more of us that's a fact.

When they weren't being monsters, both parents provided pretty normal, sometimes good parenting I guess. Both had DID, I'm sure of that now.

I'm more aware that much of our childhood was just really, really confusing. Losing time, switching, horrible things happening, and very normal things too. Teen years, when you realize you're supposed to start preparing for adulthood or something, seem almost more confusing. And in our system, teens and above can be quite angry, unlike our littles who are more frightened. Maybe anger when very young was dangerous?

Toxic shame, completely undeserved but difficult to see that. Only one teen, Quato, seems to hold that but what he does hold is massive.

Hi everyone!

I'm sorry I wanted to write back earlier but I got really sick at the weekend (still not sure if it was flashback related) and we had to call an emergency doctor to come to our home which was really upsetting!!

I feel so bad and sad at the moment. Like I can't do it and like nobody wants me or even really knows me. I know that that's not true but it feels like it.
Like I had to fill out applications and forms and we have a lot of stuff like that atm - like I have to go to the insurance company and write letters to them to get a therapist. and also we had to fill in forms for an application for social assistance (a person who visits us weekly and helps with the paper stuff and grocery shopping and handling life) and also the people from the thing where we get the welfare money from want to have forms filled in and want information all the time. and all the time we have to get to doctors and have appointments with another social helper and also for getting to know a new therapist.
this is all so much for me. I'm only twelve When the social helper helped with the forms I was stuck out front and nobody inside helped with writing so she saw my really bad handwriting and all the spelling mistakes and I didn't know how to sign. She knows that we are a system so it's not so bad but I feel so ashamed all the time.
Like she knows I'm the host and she's really nice to me but sometimes she asks what I wanna do with my life and if it maybe would be better if an adult could handle things. She doesn't mean I have to go away I know that. but I feel like I should be more adulty or something or should step aside. but I can't. it was not my choice to host like this.

and when I talk to the social helper (she is like a therapist and we know her for 6 years) I feel so ashamed to talk about my stuff. about what happend. and how the flashbacks are. and how frightened I am all the time because everyone around me is adult and seems more competent than me (even though she says I am/ we are doing everything really good). I can't tell her about the bodymemories and I can't tell her about the nightmares. because I feel ashamed - I think (and I know that thats wrong or something) I should be able to handle it everything by myself like an adult and not talk about it. I cry a lot when I'm alone but can never let anyone see - I always have to be there for others and nobody should see how broken I am.

oh yeah and to answer your question (not at all stupid btw!), Iain - for us it is like with all other aged alters: some of us teens are very traumatized by things that happend when the body was at teen ages and some of us don't hold trauma and some of us were traumatized much earlier in our childhood and then grew until the age of the alter (and retreating inside at some point).

Johnny-Jack, I am sorry for what you and your others had to endure both in childhood and teen years!! Our kids are more frightened and sad and shy too. We teens also tend to feel a lot of anger. Often when we get confused with stuff we get angry and also when things are unfair. It is difficult for us to handle those things - I feel like we aren't as good as adults to "just get on with it" or searching for a lot of options...we are easier overwhelmed with stuff and confused and then we get angry...is it the same with your teen others like that?
And I understand that toxic shame I have it myself so bad for everything and for just beeing me.

I'm sorry I got rambly I guess. I hope I didn't hijack this threat - I apologize if so!!
Kat

Hi Kat,

It's ok to tell us about being 12 and in charge.

The first year we were in college I was handling everything all the time. I'm only 14 so everybody else there was like way older. I was worried about going to the right class and didn't have any friends. The work was way too hard. It seriously s*cked!

Anybody else had a teen in charge of an adult situation?

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Anybody else had a teen in charge of an adult situation?

Yeah, for about 20 years.

Thank goodness that's changing.

Laura and others