Our partner

How do you define a Host?

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Snaga, NewSunRising, lilyfairy

How do you define a Host?

Postby brockovich4321 » Sat Oct 08, 2016 10:55 pm

Hi Guys, Emma here, I'm having a turn being out on the forum :)

How do you define a 'host' for your system?

I feel that we all host at different times. Is it who is out the most?

I'll describe our system members a bit, and you tell me if you would classify that member as a Host OK?

MU - Is probably 'out' the most. She handles our mum & house duties (like paying bills & stuff. Adult stuff)

MB - is also a mum, but she's got social anxiety so is only normally out at home. If she's out when we are out & about she'll avoid social situations or switch to handle them.

Rowe - Is a crazy cat. She takes control & does all the wild teen stuff. I think music triggers her but I'm not sure. Most people we know in the real world have met her.

Asile - is great at defusing conflict. She comes out if there is an unexpected confrontation & get us out of it safely. Apart from that she's normally only out when we are alone because she's a new age vegetarian hippy & knows (from experience) that most people think her believed are strange.

Me (Emma) - I'm the confident Socialite.. I come out mostly when MB can't handle the social side of life. Or when social events are sprung on us unexpectedly (like when a friend comes to the door unexpectedly or when we run into people at the shops & whoever is out can't place the 'friend'.. I do a great job at hiding our confusion & making chit chat)

Stacy - Is a flirt.. She comes out when she sees a guy she likes/is attracted to or to basically to manipulate men into doing what she wants..

Georgie - Is a fighter & can be aggressive. She comes out when something reminds us of the abusers or when we are at home (she has OCD so checking locks & cleaning things mainly..)

TJ comes to the surface but not out (he holds all the cult information and training)

Tots is a dog & only comes out for a couple of seconds.. I usually find him growling/showing his teeth in the mirror at home..

The others are mainly internal/covert presentation.. Except maybe Becs & Mich who come out to play with the kids..

Would you call all of these 'hosts'? Because they all 'host' at times?

How do you define your system Hosts?

Do your alters play different roles externally to the ones they play internally?
30yo female, formal Dx DID, aka 'me'..
16 others
User avatar
brockovich4321
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 482
Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:18 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2025 2:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby salted lipstick » Sun Oct 09, 2016 2:08 pm

It's nice to read about all of you. :D

You don't really need to use the term host if you don't want. We don't use the term host because lots of different parts are always doing different stuff, so having a "host" doesn't really seem relevant us.

I think some people like the term host if there is like one main part that does mostly everything. It doesn't really sound like you all work like that, so it's really up to you if you want to have a title like that for everyone using the time or if you just want to chill and be cool with being less defined than using titles like that. I suppose what you pick might have sometime to do with how you all feel about titles, we don't like them so we don't use them.

Conventionally though people use host for one main part. Partly I don't like that because we don't like to think of any part as more important than others just because they might be doing some practical stuff to help us all and we associate that term with being more important. This term is important for some people though and everyone should use what they feel is right for their system. :)

How are you feeling about the term and it's use or lack of use in your system? What do you think is right for all of you?
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.

FORMER admin moderator. For current list please see: forum rules and list of active mods
User avatar
salted lipstick
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7054
Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:34 am
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2025 2:15 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby SamsLand » Sun Oct 09, 2016 3:27 pm

Hi,

We have trouble with this too, more as of late. There is a new, unknown part, UK. From her interactions, T sees this as a host that matches the body's age. But we are not as sure.

We tend to be more comfortable with hosting, as an action. But not host as an object/noun. Kind of how lipstick is describing it. (waving HI lipstick!!). Because we are very co-con and there is a lot of fluidity even with rapid switching, that it seem more correct for us for hosting to be an activity. And often, when one part hosts on their own, it is in times of distress; executive control.

Over the past week or so the part that is hosting more often was trying to come up with a better term than host. And we more or less failed. Ambassador stuck for a while in terms of the definition of the word. But the connotation of the word is that there is superiority. So that failed as well. So upon reading this thread, and thinking about it we will go with hosting as a verb/action and part/alter as the noun. And when this part comes up with a name, then that is what he or she will be called.

I have to say that at first having this new part around felt like an exciting development. Now it feels terrifying and awful. I feel like we will never know who we are.

So I'm I guess I am suggesting that maybe for those of us who are co-con a lot, it might not be helpful to nail down a single host. But as lipstick says, it is important to work through this and find out what works for your system.
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
SamsLand
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2666
Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 9:24 pm
Local time: Sun Jul 27, 2025 11:45 am
Blog: View Blog (8)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby Team78 » Sun Oct 09, 2016 6:43 pm

I'm switchy all the time due to the external stressors and because I'm florid. I might not be best at answering this. I would say, the host is most comfortable one not in the roles you listed. Is that a map of everyone? I would listen within to see who is calling the host name I would rely on that. I always use my name so I'm pretty sure the host gets to the front alot. Although alters know the host name and know to use it so that the external world isn't confused because who doesn't want to get paid, who want to seem in trouble for alters information with their name who wants to be scolded by the outside world like a parent. I don't want to share too much for fear of a odd precedent to confuse everyone. Most people ask stupid offense question when they are awkwardly outed or some stalker says its okay you can't live plurally so we get confused that everyone knows us, well when the pattern is picked up on they were are so distorted to what they can't help us in this way not too much.
Dx: DID, PTSD, Panic Disorder

We are system of several.....Blog of system map
User avatar
Team78
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1189
Joined: Fri May 04, 2012 12:00 am
Local time: Sun Jul 27, 2025 11:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby Jolly jo » Sun Oct 09, 2016 8:25 pm

I don't really use this term but I suppose I am the host. I'm still a bit of a denier of the others and their value, however my T told me this week that I am an ANP. I Don't Care had just explained to her how I work (from her perspective) and after googling that seems to fit.
Can't say I'm impressed.
Diagnosed DID with a few other states.
User avatar
Jolly jo
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 486
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2012 10:04 pm
Local time: Sun Jul 27, 2025 5:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby brockovich4321 » Sun Oct 09, 2016 9:07 pm

salted lipstick wrote:How are you feeling about the term and it's use or lack of use in your system? What do you think is right for all of you?


I guess I don't understand the term 'Host' or what that means. It's Georgie who needs everything ordered & defined. I put it down to her OCD but the more I think about it, the more I think "we'll, she is also our gate keeper"..

I feel that she is actively trying to keep us all separated & the amnesia walls up & communication down.. I believe that's why she was created.. I think her purpose is too keep us all separate.. Not really sure why that is revelevent.. I'm sure she's behind this though.

-- Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:14 am --

SamsLand wrote:Because we are very co-con and there is a lot of fluidity even with rapid switching, that it seem more correct for us for hosting to be an activity. And often, when one part hosts on their own, it is in times of distress; executive control.


Yes! This is us! I see 'Hosting' as an activity more so then a role I guess (hence why I sent and changed our sig to just include everyone who comes out for longer then a couple of seconds)

I think we are mostly co-concious. Us Hosts are anyway. The others are still very separate from us & each other so not sure if they come out or if we just sense their presence.
30yo female, formal Dx DID, aka 'me'..
16 others
User avatar
brockovich4321
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 482
Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:18 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2025 2:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby brockovich4321 » Sun Oct 09, 2016 9:20 pm

Team78 wrote:I would say, the host is most comfortable one not in the roles you listed. Is that a map of everyone?


In this case, I would say MU would probably be our host ATM but that could change. A couple of months ago OB was hosting. Before that it was MB and before that it was MU again.. So yeah we kinda switch up who is out the most every couple of months..

I'm not sure if my PP is a map as such. Kind of. But I didn't include everyone just the ones I know a bit about. We are in the process of working out roles, triggers, histories etc.
30yo female, formal Dx DID, aka 'me'..
16 others
User avatar
brockovich4321
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 482
Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2016 9:18 pm
Local time: Mon Jul 28, 2025 2:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby MakersDozn » Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:35 am

We don't like the term, and we don't use it. It makes it seem as if one system member is more important or more real than the others.

It also represents to us all of the myths about being multiple, especially those perpetuated as "fact" by the old-school mental-health professionals, who don't really have a clue about the reality and validity and uniqueness of what a multiple system experiences. For us, the word is past the point of re-framing.

MDs
Body cis ♀ (1962). Realized 1996 that we're multiple. System of 47, all cis: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (0-7+), 9 middles (8-11+), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+), + formless yin/yang.

Notable: Charity 25 (oldest), Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
Blog | Our Story | Journey
User avatar
MakersDozn
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4304
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2014 4:31 pm
Local time: Sun Jul 27, 2025 11:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby Noppera-bo » Mon Oct 10, 2016 5:18 am

MakersDozn wrote:We don't like the term, and we don't use it. It makes it seem as if one system member is more important or more real than the others.

It also represents to us all of the myths about being multiple, especially those perpetuated as "fact" by the old-school mental-health professionals, who don't really have a clue about the reality and validity and uniqueness of what a multiple system experiences. For us, the word is past the point of re-framing.

MDs


We always saw it as a job title, like chef or officer, a neat little way to sum up my roles as ringleader, bodyminder, and chief cat-herder. Though if it seriously offends I can remove it from our sig.
Noppera-Bo:Host
Bunny:Singing Little
Shade:Shadow Teen/"Host-Apparent"
Kenshin:Fiery Warrior
Paladin:Cold Warrior
Stringress:Sensory Collector
Tech:Structural Analyst
Wolf:Wild Gourmand
Gemini-Black/White/SPAZZING!:Abstract Comedian
Void:???
Fluff:Winged Cat
Draka:Dragon-Girl
Gekko

*Void will likely only be quoted.
Noppera-bo
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 459
Joined: Sun Oct 25, 2015 12:55 pm
Local time: Sun Jul 27, 2025 10:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How do you define a Host?

Postby IainEtc » Mon Oct 10, 2016 10:47 am

Hi,

Our Host handles the adult stuff and is always exactly who everybody expects him to be. He's so normal and predictable that people don't ask questions we don't want them asking about us. He's a nice guy but kind of boring. Everybody likes nice kind of boring guys. No matter how bad things are inside if we can keep Host out front it's going to be ok.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
User avatar
IainEtc
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4717
Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 6:34 pm
Local time: Sun Jul 27, 2025 11:45 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests