Dealing with DID on your own

I was wondering about all of us who cannot, or choose not to, share their DID diagnosis with others. I have no partner or friends who I could share with, even if I chose to, and I am ambivalent about whether I would, even if the opportunity arose.
I think this is because I don't trust anyone very easily and I prize my privacy highly. However, it is mostly due to the stigma of mental health and the particularly tricky diagnosis that DID is. I constantly struggle with the thought that not even the mental health professionals can agree about its legitimacy.
For me, it is really important I look to the outside world like I am well adjusted and capable. I suspect this might be because in my head I feel like I am hanging on for dear life.

Not only that, but very few singletons "get it." It's a singleton world, and as much as we'd like to be open about who we are, most people just can't wrap their brains around the concept of being many.

MDs

Jolly jo wrote:I was wondering about all of us who cannot, or choose not to, share their DID diagnosis with others. I have no partner or friends who I could share with, even if I chose to, and I am ambivalent about whether I would, even if the opportunity arose.
I think this is because I don't trust anyone very easily and I prize my privacy highly. However, it is mostly due to the stigma of mental health and the particularly tricky diagnosis that DID is. I constantly struggle with the thought that not even the mental health professionals can agree about its legitimacy.
For me, it is really important I look to the outside world like I am well adjusted and capable. I suspect this might be because in my head I feel like I am hanging on for dear life.

We're the same way. As the host i'm rather secretive about us having DID as well, mainly because not only would most people not understand, I want to come across as well adjusted as I possibly can, especially since things have happened that have made people around me extra judgemental and question my sanity to begin with.

Denial it looks good on you Jolly Jo, anyway it hasn't served me to smile when it's excruciating every where. It's not like an old man that won't go to doctor or someone that doesn't use banks out of superstition.......I inderstand, you are not alone!

I am working on being more open about my PTSD but keep the DID to myself.

in my experience this is working well. sharing my diagnosis has gone well 1 out of 3 times. the 2nd was disappointing. the third has almost ended my friendship due to how dismissive she was.

sharing my PTSD symptoms is received fairly well when shared in appropriate context. and I feel like I am helping to open people's eyes to stigma and stereotypes. in my area PTSD is a soldiers affliction. nobody thinks a middle aged white woman without combat experience has PTSD. I feel like it expands their world view a little bit. I do it in brief exchanges, in a very matter of fact way. ex: "people with PTSD often struggle with hypervigilance and insomnia."

my therapy is moving so slowly. that even though I have a good therapist I wonder if I even want to continue. I cope well. I am high functioning. why do i need to do this?

JollyJo,

Totally get that. In the past have told some but I would say like 5 people know and it's because they are a part ofbthis "prayer chain" and they know a lot of ppl with DID. Other than that personally don't trust a soul. Have been seeing a counselor for 1.5 years and she's pretty cool but still doesn't know about the DID. Have been "wanting" to say something but how does one even start? Too many rules in the game/system, ya know??

Has been okay not telling ppl but am feeling like "the body" (don't know what that alter would be called) would benefit highly if had more help/support from counselor for this...and I feel the need for a game changer. Want to also look normal to the outside world, but am thinkin' that life would be easier to lead if could tell the counselor. Something may eventually "break" (the outside persona/image) if don't at least tell counselor.

Would you say "you" are doing well without confiding/sharing with someone?

Thanks for all your responses.
Makersdozen: I agree, DID is hard to understand and what people think they know ie Cybil, is very far from reality for most of us. It is a hidden condition and people really don't get it. I struggle enough to understand it. I have occasionally said I suffer depression (which I do) and people have a grasp of that, generally.
Jaderain: yes, really don't want to give people the idea that I am not totally sane! I know some of what they see is DID related but I usually make a joke of it ie my terrible memory! People think I am alone because I am a strong, independent woman - I'd rather this than the reality.

Team78: yup, to the outside world denial does look good on me. I am also sure it really doesn't help me at times, but I can't have it both ways.
Beccabee: your last paragraph - totally get that. When I am coping ok I feel just like you. Then it all goes tits up and I feel I could never do without it. I have just gone from 2 double sessions a week to one double session. Not all of us agree but I pay the bills, do the driving and am the adult (T Woukd have a field day with that last statement!)
Elyora: it's sometimes on the tip of my tongue to disclose, but I never do. It took many years for it to become apparent even in therapy. You ask if I do well not telling people. I do. It's the only way I can function - no sympathetic looks when I do something odd or the DID slips out, no one to rely on. It makes me have to function at work. The others want to disclose all aver the place. A disclosure vomit! Continuously! The little ones need more than I provide for them but IMO that's what therapy can offer. If they started reaching out to others no one would think me sane, I would get the sack and no good would come of it.

The little ones don't like me. I can see why. We are working on it in therapy.

Jolly jo wrote:I was wondering about all of us who cannot, or choose not to, share their DID diagnosis with others. I have no partner or friends who I could share with, even if I chose to, and I am ambivalent about whether I would, even if the opportunity arose.
I think this is because I don't trust anyone very easily and I prize my privacy highly. However, it is mostly due to the stigma of mental health and the particularly tricky diagnosis that DID is. I constantly struggle with the thought that not even the mental health professionals can agree about its legitimacy.
For me, it is really important I look to the outside world like I am well adjusted and capable. I suspect this might be because in my head I feel like I am hanging on for dear life.

Humans are social creatures: there's just no way around it. I wonder if the desire to 'go it alone' is driven by experiencing the original trauma in a void of protective relationships and the lack of good attachment relationships now. That feeling of alone-ness was one of the biggest things I had to combat in each of the girls as I reminded them over and over and over, "You aren't alone anymore, Honey. I've got you, etc"

I'm sorry for your current state, that you don't feel you have any safe relationships. I understand you may try to convince yourself good relationships aren't really a need; that's not what attachment theory teaches us. I'm not saying therefore that you have no hope of healing...but healthy relationships are part of what help us ALL function better as humans, not just trauma victims. I understand the pain of wishing for something (good relationships) that is currently unattainable, but denying that need doesn't remove it; it makes it hurt worse. But if you recognize the need, maybe you can find a way to 'set it aside' for the moment until you can find some safe relationships for yourself and the others in the system.

You also need to understand that d.i.d. divides 'needs' up within the system. My wife's host often doesn't feel/have the needs that many of the other girls do. She is the LEAST attached to me of all the girls (including the defender) even though she has been with me for 28 years. I don't know if she is typical of 'hosts' in d.i.d. systems, but it's important that you understand that even if you yourself don't 'need' relationships or help, others in the system absolutely will NOT have the same ability...so if nothing else, maybe you can acknowledge, even if you don't understand it, that they have a need you currently don't feel.

Wishing you well.
Sam

I have disclosed to many people around me, and usually the information has been received well. However, those who know generally do not react to my (infrequent) symptom displays with sympathy or understanding. If anything, their knowing that I have a "condition" makes them wary and anxious about behaviors that normally would have been overlooked.

This puzzles me, frankly, because my reaction is just the opposite.

When I know someone has a mental health diagnosis I feel so much more comfortable with any difficult behavior they display. Most people display troubling behaviors in certain situations, and some do it routinely. I feel safer with them, especially if they disclose their diagnosis to me themselves. I know they are aware they have a problem and are working on it; they are not in denial, not rug-sweeping, not always blaming every interpersonal difficulty on other people, not swimming in a toxic bath of shame and self-loathing.

Yes, many people do think PTSD comes only from military combat, but civilians in war zones are affected too. Others know it is common in all public service professions and among those needing their services. It is common in many other professions as well, and a very common result of auto accidents. In the general population worldwide it is more common in women than in men, largely due to sexual assault and domestic violence toward women. For the USA general population the National Institutes of Mental Health (NIMH) lately have published estimates of annual prevalence of DSM-5 mental health disorders: 3.5% PTSD and 2.0% dissociative disorder.

Jolly jo wrote:Thanks for all your responses.
Makersdozen: I agree, DID is hard to understand and what people think they know ie Cybil, is very far from reality for most of us. It is a hidden condition and people really don't get it. I struggle enough to understand it. I have occasionally said I suffer depression (which I do) and people have a grasp of that, generally.
Jaderain: yes, really don't want to give people the idea that I am not totally sane! I know some of what they see is DID related but I usually make a joke of it ie my terrible memory! People think I am alone because I am a strong, independent woman - I'd rather this than the reality.

Team78: yup, to the outside world denial does look good on me. I am also sure it really doesn't help me at times, but I can't have it both ways.
Beccabee: your last paragraph - totally get that. When I am coping ok I feel just like you. Then it all goes tits up and I feel I could never do without it. I have just gone from 2 double sessions a week to one double session. Not all of us agree but I pay the bills, do the driving and am the adult (T Woukd have a field day with that last statement!)
Elyora: it's sometimes on the tip of my tongue to disclose, but I never do. It took many years for it to become apparent even in therapy. You ask if I do well not telling people. I do. It's the only way I can function - no sympathetic looks when I do something odd or the DID slips out, no one to rely on. It makes me have to function at work. The others want to disclose all aver the place. A disclosure vomit! Continuously! The little ones need more than I provide for them but IMO that's what therapy can offer. If they started reaching out to others no one would think me sane, I would get the sack and no good would come of it.

The little ones don't like me. I can see why. We are working on it in therapy.

We struggle to understand it most days as well, but at least we've accepted it at least. And I can definitely relate to making a joke of some of the DID things, especially since it's such a hidden condition.

We are the same that when things are going well, we are "ok" and feel "normal", and i (and some of the others as well) have wanted to let some others around us know about our DID. We do actually have some others that know, but most are not where we live. The only ones around us that know (and believes it) is our Healthy Families home visitor, the healthy families assessment lady, and our SO.