What Makes a Teen a Teen?

Is it age? Is it behavior? Is it emotional perspective? Is it simply "because I said so"?

I've had a bee in my proverbial bonnet about this for as long as I can remember. I'm 17 and a half, and Allegra is 17. I identify with the classic oppositional teen, and Allegra's so unfailingly responsible and mature that it p*sses me off no end. I know I'm painting this picture with broad strokes as it applies to each of us, but the point is that no matter how much Allegra insists that she's 17, it seems to me that she acts too "adult."

Why should this bother me? I don't want to get into that. I don't want to have to justify my feelings here; I do enough of that on the inside. What I do want is some clarity on what really makes a teen a teen. Can my truth and her truth both be valid when they seem to be in direct conflict? Is some greater force just trying to make me/us feel as foolish as we've felt throughout our life?

As someone(s) who spent their entire 3d adolescence surrounded by over-achieving outside teens, and not feeling like one of them despite our constant efforts to please outside authority figures, I just want Allegra and myself to be normal teens.

So what makes a teen a teen?

Laura and others

Because you say so! It's just that simple

It's not because one act like an adult and anothe act less like one that one is right and the other is not. You both are right
You can make a list of "common teen's type" like there's the one who "always say no", the one who are responsible, the one who do all mistake he can do, the one who act like he's already got 40yo, the one who play video games all day, the one who loves books etc... but "teen" is like the grey scale between black and white, between child and adulte. I don't think there's any really official definition (well, at least maybe in the dictionary...) because it's a transition time.
So you don't have to feel less a teen than Allegra, and she isn't less a teen than you. You just have different ways of being a teen.

If you really want a a definition, I would say that if don't feel like a child (less than 10-12) and not already like an adulte, you're a teen. But it's a narrow-minded definition.
At the end, if you feel like one, you're one.

That is truly difficult question.

one could argue it is biologically based on body age. but even in singletons I would discount this. I would lean more towards maturity, I guess.

I have seen all different kinds though. I have seen teens that are just like mini adults. and I have seen "grown - ass" men in their late twenties pushing thirty even who behave exactly like a 17 year old. no responsibility, no initiative, video games all day, don't understand any basic concepts of the world and life in general outside of their sheltered.little bubble.

I think you can both be "teens" without having to be the SAME. like imagine a high school. it would be filled with teens right? you could have jocks, goths, preps, truants, rebels, nerds dorks and geeks. loners and cliqs. kids that get straight A ' s planning for scholarships and kids who cut class and mouth off to teachers. but every single one is a "teen". and every single one is different.

every thing on this earth is different. every single strawberry is different. every rock. every crab. every artic fox. every gemstone. every sunrise is different. every part of MD is different. nothing makes Allegra better or worse than Laura and others. nothing makes Drew better or worse than Christine who is 8 and a half. All of you, make you -you! and you are different from every other human being on the planet! just like every frog, every rose, every bird, every alligator is different. Diversity is what makes life beautiful. it's what makes life amazing. it's what makes passing moments precious. because that unique combination of beings in space and time will never ever ever happen again.

just be you. what is the dr suess thing?
about be the youest you, you can be
and that's the truest thing to ever be...
?

Team78 wrote:Because you say so! It's just that simple

That works.

Laura, Allegra, and others

-- Thu May 26, 2016 5:16 pm --

Dwelt wrote:It's not because one act like an adult and anothe act less like one that one is right and the other is not. You both are right

....teen" is like the grey scale between black and white, between child and adulte. I don't think there's any really official definition (well, at least maybe in the dictionary...) because it's a transition time.
So you don't have to feel less a teen than Allegra, and she isn't less a teen than you. You just have different ways of being a teen....At the end, if you feel like one, you're one.

True. We have too many old tapes in our head. Letting go of those old messages has been a regular topic in T for a while. I was the one who talked about this in last night's session, and I'll probably continue talking about it in the extra session tomorrow.

Thanks,

Laura and others

BeccaBee wrote:That is truly difficult question.

one could argue it is biologically based on body age. but even in singletons I would discount this. I would lean more towards maturity, I guess.

Yeah, we have folks like that. I ain't one of 'em. Or at least I try to give that impression. Remember that Billy Crystal spoof of Fernando Lamas? "It is better to look mahvelous than to feel mahvelous." Perception is everything, especially when it comes to dealing with outside people.

BeccaBee wrote:I have seen all different kinds though. I have seen teens that are just like mini adults. and I have seen "grown - ass" men in their late twenties pushing thirty even who behave exactly like a 17 year old. no responsibility, no initiative, video games all day, don't understand any basic concepts of the world and life in general outside of their sheltered.little bubble.

We were a mini-adult as a child. Always felt more comfortable around adults than other kids. And most comfortable alone.

Thirty going on 17....like that Johnson Sausage commercial where the thirty-something guy is living with his parents and throws a tantrum because he couldn't have his sausages. We cringe when we see it. It's too me even for me.

BeccaBee wrote:I think you can both be "teens" without having to be the SAME. like imagine a high school. it would be filled with teens right? you could have jocks, goths, preps, truants, rebels, nerds dorks and geeks. loners and cliqs. kids that get straight A ' s planning for scholarships and kids who cut class and mouth off to teachers. but every single one is a "teen". and every single one is different.

Yeah, we have too many memories of that scenario. We were in advanced classes and didn't fit in anywhere socially. The story of our life.

BeccaBee wrote:every thing on this earth is different. every single strawberry is different. every rock. every crab. every artic fox. every gemstone. every sunrise is different. every part of MD is different. nothing makes Allegra better or worse than Laura and others. nothing makes Drew better or worse than Christine who is 8 and a half. All of you, make you -you! and you are different from every other human being on the planet! just like every frog, every rose, every bird, every alligator is different. Diversity is what makes life beautiful. it's what makes life amazing. it's what makes passing moments precious. because that unique combination of beings in space and time will never ever ever happen again.

Allegra's telling me not to quote an abbreviated version of the above paragraph. But, yeah, as a writer, I can understand the importance of giving good writing its due. And as for what you spoke about there....I have to stop obsessing about control. We all do. But on some level I know I'm hatching some devious plan to avoid doing so.

BeccaBee wrote:just be you. what is the dr suess thing?
about be the youest you, you can be
and that's the truest thing to ever be...
?

We like Dr. Seuss. I call myself The Laurax. The Lorax was a very Quixotic character, and so am I.

Thanks,

Laura and others

MakersDozn wrote:We like Dr. Seuss. I call myself The Laurax. The Lorax was a very Quixotic character, and so am I.

hahaha I loved this! And I like The Lorax a lot. And... Laurax is pretty cool, so... yeah.

I think Teen is a label given by a rather recent society or group within a society who wanted to differentiate that phase in which people weren't children (another kind of recent label) and weren't adult's just yet. Maybe for selling them stuff, I don't know.

What makes a Teen a Teen? Hummm.... I think that's a very personal experience. And my teenage years may have been totally different from others's. Not only for what I lived, but also for my personality traits.

I think the label "teen" is loaded with... rebellion, irreverence, critical thinking, transition, saying no, standing up for themselves, having a different view on life, wanting to try different things, separating from what the family wants, trying to define some sort of identity, finding one's own likes and dislikes, hormones, exploration, mistakes, successes, learnings, growth.

Those are some of the words that come to mine which I relate to 'teenhood'.

MakersDozn wrote:I've had a bee in my proverbial bonnet about this for as long as I can remember. I'm 17 and a half, and Allegra is 17. I identify with the classic oppositional teen, and Allegra's so unfailingly responsible and mature that it p*sses me off no end. I know I'm painting this picture with broad strokes as it applies to each of us, but the point is that no matter how much Allegra insists that she's 17, it seems to me that she acts too "adult."

Hmmm... You fit more the conventional traits of what's "expected" of teen. However, Allegra is as much as a teen, in my eyes. Even if her responsible and mature traits are not that much associated with teenhood.

So, you associate responsibility and maturity with adulthood. Yeah, it's more associated and maybe expected in adulthood. However, there are still very mature teens, and even kids. So, that's... a wide topic there.

MakersDozn wrote:Can my truth and her truth both be valid when they seem to be in direct conflict?

I think they can. I think there can be many types of teens, as there are many types of women, and many types of people. They are valid from each of your perspectives. Both are equally valid.

MakersDozn wrote:Is some greater force just trying to make me/us feel as foolish as we've felt throughout our life?

Oh. Hmmm... No. I don't think there's anything wrong about having both perspectives. I have had two opposite feelings and points of view regarding something. And then, I try to find a way to live with both or not. Sometimes I don't find it. And well... the two points of view just... coexist. Even if they are opposite.

MakersDozn wrote:As someone(s) who spent their entire 3d adolescence surrounded by over-achieving outside teens, and not feeling like one of them despite our constant efforts to please outside authority figures, I just want Allegra and myself to be normal teens.

You both are normal teens. You both are, because you both exist in both ways. Who would tell a teen: "the way you are being a teen is wrong or abnormal". Their way of being a teen is normal, because they are being that way. There are no wrong ways to be. Maybe wrong ways to judge, but not to be.

Sea

Seangel wrote:I think the label "teen" is loaded with... rebellion, irreverence, critical thinking, transition, saying no, standing up for themselves, having a different view on life, wanting to try different things, separating from what the family wants, trying to define some sort of identity, finding one's own likes and dislikes, hormones, exploration, mistakes, successes, learnings, growth.

Yes, yes, yes.

I get what you're saying about Allegra and me both being normal. Sigh. It just seems to me that maturity is a precursor to aging, and I don't want that. Allegra and I are a set. Lucy and Ethel. Abbott and Costello. Frick and Frack, whoever the hell they are. Allegra says she's staying a teen, but that doesn't feel reassuring to me.

Thanks,

Laura and others

There are plenty of movies with teens, books, I'm sure you have plenty of family member teens, have some memories of your teen years or alters do, shows geared toward teens, activities that are teen based.

The reason they can't agree is because they are two different people with 2 different opinions & that's OK.

My teens are teens because they just are. They are the ones stuck in my teen years (regarding body memories) they have the attitude of teenage girls & trying to get them to be responsible is like trying g to talk to a teen. They are emotionally unstable hormonal teenage girls. Highly influenced by peer pressure. Hope that helps