for the protectors [venting and advice]

Hey our host is very sad right now. I believe she is feeling what a bunch of the guys are feeling. They've been having it rough lately- due to past issues bothering them. Well our host knows I've been partially blocking her from our world for awhile now. I was trying to prevent the issues from leeching out. I was trying to shield her from their pain- well the new guy stirred them up. I know his name- but I don't want her to know it right now. If she knows then she'll try talking to him- I know it. I've been trying to prevent our issues from adding to what she's going through herself right now. Too much at the same time is no good for her. Well I failed- She now feels their sadness plus her own. I guess I should've had Wolverine or one of the other protectors help me bare the load- but I thought I could handle it. I was wrong. Our host is right- I hate to admit it- but I took on too much by myself. I hate to bother others if I don't have to. Well I'm not sure what to do now.

I know about the issue- regarding the past troublemaker- I know his name. Well he is hiding from our host. That has her sad. I know where he went- so does TJ- but we're not supposed to tell her. He told me he is debating whether or not to tell our therapist. He was going to mention his name- but he still doesn't feel right doing so. He feels it is best to stay away from our host for awhile. He's afraid she won't like him anymore. He doesn't want to lose her. I tried to tell him that she's not like that- he said he knows she's not like that- but he said it is for the best. Our host feels sad and alone right now. I don't know what to do. Half of that pain isn't her own- so me talking to her isn't helping much. She's feeling what a bunch of the guys are feeling. The problem is- a lot of those guys refuse to talk about their problems. I guess they are stubborn- at times- like me. This is a mess. Plus we don't see our therapist for another week.

-Weirdo

i am so ######6 mad at this asshole prick doctor who completely dismissed B yesterday. what a condescending, patronizing asshole prick.

and he thought he was actually being a good doctor! what a ###$ face. he ignored the patients complaints. told her she had something she didn't. she says doc. i don't have those symptoms. i don't think it's a migraine. I'm telling you my ear hurts right now. i can feel a lot of pain and pressure. he looks with the otoscope patient says doc, not there. it's deep inside. past the ear drum. doc is like it looks fine.

NO $#%^ YOU STUPID $#%^ EATING ASS SUCKING MONKEY!!!! BECAUSE YOU CANNOT SEE WHAT ######6 HURTS WITH THAT ######6 OTOSCOPE YOU ######6 PRICK FACE!!!!!!

he wouldn't discuss her test results with her either. he kept saying you have inner ear migraines. i know that's distressing. and B was all like well the migraine guy sent me here so I'm not leaving without a better answer. my ear hurts and I haven't been able to walk for 2 weeks.

so he calls the migraine guy. and he's just like yeah her VNG was normal but she's being a @@@@@@@. and he comes back in and says he is going to write me a prescription for lamictal. so she says, "an anticonvulsant?" cuz she is all confused why someone is giving her ######6 lamictal when she is presenting with ear pain and inflammation. anyway this #####& gets eyes wide open like a mile he is so ######6 astounded and this $#%^ eating prick says, "how do you know that?"

and B is so baffled that he is that asinine.....she tries to think of something normal to say...she finally just says, "because I'm not an idiot...? that's the one with the chest rash that can kill you". and she kind of makes eye contact with the student doc and they kind of shrug. and she asks if we could not perhaps try a more appropriate short term intervention like a steroid for the pain and pressure I'm feeling in my inner ear. and the ######6 prick straight up refuses any treatment or discussion and just deuces the ###$ out.

so first off if I ever see this #####& in the city I'm swiping his leg out from under him and making a snide remark about ankle migraines.

anyway. that's the venting part.

advice part - that's the only ENT game in town. 8 other docs there. but they are all 50 something white dudes like the first condescending prick. and that whole practice is just a surgery moneymaker for sinus cases. migraine doc doesn't want to see me for a couple weeks cuz all he can do is put me on lamictal and wait. he is a migraine guy and I think they are sick of us anyway.

I need a second opinion before my ear dies. but I don't know where to get it. well how to get it.

I'm seeing a GP doc I know on Monday who is a thorough diagnostician and asking for a referral to big deal clinic in the capital. i guess i can asks her to order me up a contrast MRI.

last night my little bro tells me my mum had some rare ear tumor and nobody believes her until her face was paralyzed and she started with the same $#%^. ear pain and balance problems.

I think I answered my own question.... i will get second opinion from this lady and get her to order 5000 tests- she always wants a billion tests. maybe blood work again. i just hate waiting three days. my ear is dying. but I knkw she will know what test looks at the inner ear. and I will also get referral to capital med center.

and I want to beat the ever loving ######6 $#%^ out of this patronizing ###$ face ENT. I will pay the copay after all this is fixed just so I can walk in there to his face and tell him what my ear migraine really was and he can ###$ off.

but I can't afford now to lose my temper with anyone anywhere because I need documentation of this #######4 and those two #####& ####### each other is my only $#%^.

That sounds really rough. That doctor makes me so mad. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Our host encountered numerous doctors like that before. It really makes me mad to hear you have to face them too. It's not right! Our host dreads going to the doctors because of that. They are supposed to listen and help you to the best of their ability. Not ignore you. I know how you feel- so does Blaze (he's even angrier). Like I said- I'm sorry you have to deal with- to put it nicely- garbage like that. Our doctors blamed our Chiari Malformation on stress.

They kept telling our host all of her symptoms were caused by stress. They said there is nothing at all wrong with her- they brushed her off. We finally managed to get someone to do an MRI of our brain. That wasn't until we got much sicker. Found out we had a Chiari Malformation! WE KNEW something was wrong! They just refused to listen. They're still pulling that garbage- because they have it in our chart. They have it wrote that we have stress! Oh that makes me SO MAD. Sorry I'm apparently venting myself- not helping any. Sorry.

My point is- I understand your frustration. I wish I had a better answer to give you. I just hope you're able to get a second opinion from a caring doctor. I also hope y'all feel better soon!

it helps to not feel alone. there are just some asshole docs who don't listen to women. and every damn thing we have is stress and anxiety. everything. they never ######6 listen. .######6 pricks.

that's some $#%^ that chiari malformation. damn.

Doctors make me mad too. They're even trained to know that every psych patient dies from a real physical ailment but it doesn't seem to help them take us seriously.

Honestly last time I needed to see a doctor I just pretended to not have a medical history and went to walk-in. I pretended to have no idea what the problem could be while putting down my bread crumbs to what six months of trying to deal with the problem on my own had led me to believe it was. I got my medication, I used it, the problem cleared up.

God help me if something serious ever happened again.

obviously the body decided to be awake and I am stuck front again
wish I could relex the quads, they are kind of hurting.
hope everyone is safe tonight

I don't want to write in the Littles thread because it is not a littles topic but a protector topic.
the others are working on paper stuff for the fund thing and the T wants us to write down our wishes so they can pay for them.
but I think it is not safe to write down wishes and not safe when people see them and really it is not safe to have wishes. so I refuse to think of nice thinks I could wish because I know that it just hurts when you allow yourself to wish something and wishes mean pain.
can someone help explain to the bigs that they can't write down wishes for people to see!
the T says it is ok today but it doesn't feel ok today. and nobody listens to me. when I say it is not ok they just pretend I didn't and talk like I don't know about pain and just say it is fine now.
and this is getting nowhere and I won't argue with the bigs when they won't even listen.

hi Thamara,

It sounds like the others think that you're listening to war rules?

How about if you all start with one small wish to try and see how it turns out?

I only know the war rules
the others is not real. they are asking me if I don't want to put a GIANT unicorn stuffy on the list, so I say at least one thing.
but I think it is way more safe if we do our own money thing and not tell other people.
our neighbor has giant unicorn stuffies. she has 2 of them.
it is a very big project and the lady who helps says we can ask for things later too. but then the T says we should ask for everything we ever want now because nobody knows how long the fund thing will pay for things. and I very much believe they don't pay for giant unicorns. this is what I think.
the T was very confusing today and I think she doesn't know everything in the world. and maybe we shouldn't always listen when she doesn't know everything

Aw. I'm sorry you only know the war rules.
Are you saying you don't believe the other rules are real?
I have a suggestion, and it may be a scary one, but what if you save up for a unicorn AND ask for one, and then IF they would say no you could still get one with your own money?

I think it's perfectly good not to listen all the time to people. No one knows everything in the world. It's best to check with someone who is an "expert" - that is someone who knows A LOT about the thing you want to know about.
Can you think of an expert about the fund money thing? If so, then maybe you can ask what the rules are about asking.