I don't think our system can do this.

Sarah Beth, what a cool offer! Crazy, but so relevant nowadays, and in times of need.

Hey Copper Moon, we sometimes just need to say: "F*ck it all". Breath, and then continue.

Sea

SarahBeth wrote:Well, if you find yourself at the end of your rope, I've got a spare room. Seriously, bam, there's an option. Move in with a complete stranger. It's not the worst you could do. And besides my brand of crazy, I'm a normal fun loving 26 year old with two wolf dogs, very few friends, and a purple mailbox. I'm in Tennessee! Not the most fun place, but it's not the worst. And yes, I'm dead serious. Sometimes you gotta do crazy things to deal with your crazy life. You never know. Might be fun. And if I was in your position, I would be ridiculously flattered to get the same offer. Hell I probably wouldn't go through with it just because, you know, stranger on the internet. Sounds shiesty! But you're a different person! So there. I'm just gonna leave that here, and if you need a place to go, I got your back random stranger on the internet. Just as long as you don't like to kill sweet puppy dogs or silly 26 year olds, I'm groovy.

When I came back to read all of these comments I was so overwhelmed and confused that I couldn't really respond to any of them properly. I have hoped that those who posted can understand. But I wanted to come back and thank you for such a generous offer. I didn't want to not respond at all, because then I was afraid you might think I thought it was weird or awkward or something, and I didn't want your kindness to result in feeling rejected. There's way too much of that in the world as it is. I'm dedicated to putting down a couple roots for once and trying to force myself through a situation instead of running away yet again, but in the past I have actually run away and lived with strangers from the internet (twice!). It's actually not as totally crazy as some people might think, haha. But anyway this was so kind of you and I hope you keep this part of you alive.

You may not be, but I'd suggest you do not pass off your alter's post as a simple vent. There is a lot of information there. She sounds like she was making decisions at some point and she sounds strong actually. She is someone you can talk to. Are you in communication with each other? If not, can you engage her here or by journaling or something. You are each other and neither of you is going anywhere without the other.

SarahBeth wrote:Well, if you find yourself at the end of your rope, I've got a spare room. Seriously, bam, there's an option. Move in with a complete stranger. It's not the worst you could do. And besides my brand of crazy, I'm a normal fun loving 26 year old with two wolf dogs, very few friends, and a purple mailbox. I'm in Tennessee!

Ha, I had the same instinct (plus rooms) and actually made a similar offer a couple times in PMs. Eventually, NicS from this board moved across the country a year and a half ago to a complete stranger's home and now we're basically family. Dysfunctional at times but usually mutually supportive and much healthier than we would be without each other. Each time one of us goes into a crazy place (gets triggered), the other at least has a sense about what's happening and can sympathize -- and often help.

Johnny-Jack wrote:You may not be, but I'd suggest you do not pass off your alter's post as a simple vent. There is a lot of information there. She sounds like she was making decisions at some point and she sounds strong actually. She is someone you can talk to. Are you in communication with each other? If not, can you engage her here or by journaling or something. You are each other and neither of you is going anywhere without the other.

They do seem very strong, yes. I'd use the word "tough" instead maybe. But I am also concerned at how this part seems to define strength in the first place.

I can't help but wonder why we didn't just tell the truth, ourselves. I can understand several possible explanations, but still. So our mother fabricated a ridiculous story, and we were pressured into denying the situation at home and pretending to have clinical depression.

But we were literally capable of telling the staff the whole story, and we were literally capable of stating that no, we would not take Zoloft and we would not pretend to be depressed. We were literally capable of slamming our fist on the table and accusing our mother of hiding the truth, and spilling the truth, in front of all the staff present.

But instead the impression I get from this tangent is that "strength" was defined as being silent and numb, and playing along.

That's not how I define strength. I see this part as cunning and strategic, more than anything else. It seems they know the best way to stay safe and get results via subduing and manipulating. I'm sure we needed that many times.

But it's okay now. We don't need to hide anything anymore, or manipulate or outsmart anyone. Worst case scenario we get physically challenged at some point, and I'm fairly certain her adrenaline alone would make us quite formidable.