Therapist forcing psychiatric consult . . .

I am no longer in contact with my past therapist. The lady who she had been consulting with does not have much experience with dissociative disorders. She brought my case to a broader panel for referral purposes (a few days ago). It seems none of them know of a therapist trained in the field or who could handle the case. Apparently she also emailed someone who does training in dissociative disorders to see if they know of anyone who can help me. She is still waiting to hear back. She will not see me either.

No one will speak of what happened between my T and I. Legalities I guess. I was told though that she received the psychiatry recommendation from the Board. I don't know what board this was. I don't understand why she would contact a social work board AND she was working for a private firm??? I should have asked but it didn't register until later. I can be certain though that whoever gave her the recommendation expected her to use her wealth of social work skills and expertise to handle it better than she did.

I was told to make a report if that is what I felt I should do. I would make a report but it is just going to be one more person who is going to know about my situation.

I am also shocked there aren't therapists trained in dissociation!

I will not be receiving a psychiatric consultation at this time and I am not even sure I will pursue the therapy route. It all makes me feel anxious. I was tossed aside like I don't matter. Thank goodness I matter to myself.

I'm really sorry to hear about all this.
No therapy might be hard, but it's not impossible. You might also try to get therapy for other things at least. Unfortunately there's a lot of people with dissociative disorders who cannot get good help. Yes you matter, that's why it's important to not let your future and health depend on outside help. It would be great if you could find good help but it's also true that not all is lost if you can't. Personally even though we've been in therapy trying to get help for our DID for years, we did by far most of the actual DID healing on our own and it's slow but it's working.
We hope you'll be okay.

Thanks Collective. I now have names for three therapists an hours drive from here. Apparently all therapists trained in dissociation in the area where I live are close to retirement. LOL Hilarious considering there is a medical school here - and a very good one. Why are people not being trained? Ridiculous!! I can't be the only one living here!

I MAY at some point contact the names given to me to see if they know of anyone in this city. I don't totally trust there isn't anyone here.

I am strong, Collective and I totally agree with you. I will not let my future depend on outside help. I went 25 years without help and I am likely to go 25 more. I will keep moving forward. Like you I have progressed far on my own and I will continue to heal.

Hugz X

Hi there, I am new here, but not new to DID (was dx back in 2007). I think that there are MANY unethical therapists treating people with DID who have little to no understanding about it and yet spout that the are PTSD experts or are trauma experts. It has been my experience that they can play around with your emotions for years -- and then the second you're in crisis, they drop the "OH I need to consult with my board/superiors/team" ball and suddenly this group of people consulted who have never met you nor know anything more than what the T tells them about you, makes all the decisions for you about what's best for you. I think it's crazy. And extremely damaging to the DID client. They are there for you in every way as long as it is within the one hour time span you're paying them for once a week. Not hard to be an expert once a week for an hour, is it?

Just a word of warning -- just because someone claims to know about DID, do not assume they do. I have seen three different therapists, one for almost 4 years, who claim to be experts in DID and were anything but. My first therapist was so unethical that she yelled, screamed, and threw things when she got mad. Thankfully I only saw her about 6 months. My second therapist was the one I trusted so much -- then she went on "vacation" for an entire summer and I spiraled downhill rapidly. When she returned, there was an obvious change -- she had given up on me, clearly, and I could tell she just did not want to work with us any longer and was just really done with it all. After a few months of trying to work things out, I realized I was working more on my relationship with HER than my own issues and I had a part attempt s*****e because none of our issues were being addressed. Long story short, she dumped us via telephone while were in the hospital because her "team" she consulted told her it was best and this attempt crossed her "boundaries." At the time, I was pretty devastated as we had paid her over $30,000 and really got nowhere and if anything, got worse. It's not that I have a problem paying, but the thought of it makes me want to throw up.

Shortly thereafter, I found a T I saw for about a year, but there was just no connection, no ability to attach, no feeling of trust and it wasn't working for us, so I found an excuse and told her we would not be returning. She did call and try to talk us out of the decision, but...it was made.

All this to say -- we are not even in therapy anymore and I don't think we will ever go back. It is too painful to attach to someone who doesn't feel the same way in return and it is just rejection and feelings of abandonment all over again from childhood. Especially when you sit and tell your deepest secrets to someone and then they turn on you at a moment's notice -- and you never know when that moment might be. We are SO MUCH higher functioning without therapy than with it....and I realize this is just a personal experience and not the same for everyone, but it does not seem like the modern version of therapy is one that is really conducive to helping someone with DID. I need someone who is there for me, in good times and bad and someone I can have a mutual relationship with that doesn't include dumping me when times get tough. So, for me, I am done with therapy. I have a very dear friend who is a mentor to me that has never done the things these supposed experts do and she has helped me and been more of a mother to me than anyone ever has. And I've never paid her a cent.

I HAVE to jump here and put in my 2 cents worth.
I KNOW how bad that hurts. You have been totally abandoned by your therapist which just repeats a whole cycle of abandonment from your early childhood by methods of abuse, CPS, etc. How you describe the interaction between you and your T is so unfortunate. I can say, "Don't take it personally" - but it IS personal because it is a relationship. And what more personal relationship than that with one's T? If she was consulting, it was clearly not with superiors with training in DID or complex PTSD.

There have to be boundaries in therapy and ways to manage crisis. If you made 3 crisis calls in 2 weeks, then you need more frequent visits or hospitalization. A psychiatric consult is not a bad idea, but an ultimatum and angry dismeanor on the T's part is a very bad idea bc it pushes you away and it's disrespectful to where you are in treatment.

I get the whole confidentiality thing- esp with electronic records and the embarrassment. I think there is a limit to what is conveyed on that thru psychiatry tho. Also- just because the practioners have electronic records which is mandated federally- the systems are not linked because there are so many different "brands" companies of records that it is not working like it is intended.

Please do not give up on therapy. Do not let this bad experience force you to give up on yourself. It's not a reflection on you at all. She mislead you to believe she was capable of handling a disorder that she couldn't handle. Do a search for an ego state therapist or one trained in EMDR in your area- they are trained in trauma.

You are not alone in this type of problem. Just move forward and be proactive in finding the right T. You didn't do anything wrong in terms of showing your journal, making crisis calls, asking if she could handle you, showing up for appts, and trusting your T. I'm sorry this happened to you- I do know that hurt and abandoned feeling and wanting to give up- just don't.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I was thinking the same thing this morning, TaylorGirl and luvmycats. My therapist would have been taking direction from people who did not have the knowledge or skills and they would have been advising based on my T’s perception – whether right or wrong. Scary! What has been most damaging though is how she chose to end it and without appropriate closure. It violated trust. It cut! I feel angry with her and the system. She was a coward. And I am also pissed off over her taking my money for the last session. It was like I paid to be abused.

It is hard to not take personally. I wasn’t expecting it. I thought she was safe and would even jokingly refer to her as an earth angel. I even question now if she ever really cared about me. It has messed with my reality.

I totally agree with you TaylorGirl. “Just a word of warning -- just because someone claims to know about DID, do not assume they do”. I wanted to believe my T would educate herself and it may sound stupid BUT I wanted to believe she saw me as worth it.

I wonder if therapy can make the symptoms more pronounced. Like you Taylorgirl I functioned very well – 25 years – without therapy and was very high functioning. For the first almost three years of therapy I never spoke too much of my ‘system’ or of my ‘parts’. I slowly gave bits of information to my T. I didn’t want her to become overwhelmed and ‘we’ needed to feel she would be there for ‘us’.

About 6 months ago it was like a faucet had been turned on. It became messy. While in one state I would disclose things I would later be embarrassed about or uncomfortable with. I would drop off a journal or a letter to explain prior feelings, and maybe later feel uncomfortable about that latest action. It was trying! This was the main reason for needing to know if she believed in DID. ‘Parts’ needed to be heard. My ‘state’ was changing frequently (little amnesia), memories of abuse (though manageable) was resurfacing, and at times a rawness of emotion and feeling. I believe it was all part of the healing though.

My T’s lack of experience in this area made her demand I see a psychiatrist before she would continue seeing me. I have not harmed myself in 25 years and neither have I been suicidal. There was no reason for her to demand I see a psychiatrist. Therapists like her need to become educated.

TaylorGirl, I would be inclined to believe your mentor helps you more because it is a relationship of trust and respect. Beautiful! She isn’t being paid and you know she is there for you and because of you. We all need that.


Thank you Luvmycays for your kind words. Just for clarification I didn’t make three crisis calls in two weeks. That was my T’s words. I made three calls – one was a call informing her I was thinking of going to the doctor to get anti-anxiety medication because I wasn’t feeling well – and the other two calls were follow-up on V/m letting her know I was feeling better. (All 3 calls were to v/m) Also, I will be seeing a therapist tomorrow. My first visit. I booked her for an hour and a half. She is trained in advanced EMDR and has experience working with varying levels of dissociation. We spoke for a half an hour on the phone. No secrets in regards to my mental state and she is open to seeing me. I just hope it is a fit. I will update tomorrow.

I am SO GLAD to hear you found someone specializing in EMDR! That's fabulous!! Whether they choose to use that technique is up to them, but at least you have a T available who is trained in trauma. Please keep us informed. You are totally validated in your anger and feeling let down. Hugs! Finding help right away is a testament to your survival instinct and strength
I apologize for misunderstanding about the "crisis calls".

hey there

make sure you let us know how the new T went, we will be keep ing our ears crossed for you!

That is of course if you want to but we hope it went ok because it was a mess b4 and we dont want 4 you this time!!

Thank you. I am meeting her at 12 noon. I am also hoping it will bring some closure in regards to my last T. Have a great day everyone!

Hi from DA,

I haven't posted in a while but I have been in similar situations before and just felt I should give you some feedback.

My history: I had a very strong suspicion that I was DID since age 19 or so (I'm 41 now) but was dismissed over and over, being told twice that I just give names to my emotions (one of my insiders is named Hope for example), which I knew was a crock but was not aware enough to refute it. I was terrified of being labeled psychotic as I am an engineer and dread being found out. I continued therapy for years and years with multiple therapists without telling them about my voices, just getting stabilized for normal crap.

Anyway, I finally found a therapist who I trusted enough to broach the subject again (after like 2 years of therapy). She has never had a DID client but has training in EMDR. Here are some of our experiences together that are pertinent to your situation:

1. She makes mistakes sometimes but always listens to feedback and apologizes and clarifies if there is a misunderstanding.

2. When we have been in crisis, I usually apologize profusely because each insider involved will often contact her, making many contacts over a short period. She always replies, "What? You are apologizing for needing someone? How can I be mad at you for that? That is what I am here for. I am just so thankful that you understand that I can't always be immediately available after hours, but will always try to be there for you as soon as I can."

3. My T has expressed that she is glad that my psychiatrist is on board with her "diagnosis" (they all must make a type of diagnosis for insurance coding purposes) and once mentioned that she would treat me according to what she sees and believes regardless of what he would see and believe. She says that it makes her feel relieved that I have someone else to call that knows me, when she is out of town. However, she always leaves another therapist (whom she names to me) in charge of her phone while she is out. She says that I should understand that while this person will not know my situation and cannot "do therapy" over the phone, they can help me if I feel I am in crisis and need someone to talk to (more personal than just a hotline number). I also have found that once when Meagain went to the ER for suicide attempt when she was out, they were able to track her down and she still consulted over the phone. (Although she is often in places with no phone service, like on mission in Africa, so I would never count on that and actually asked them NOT to bother her about Meagain that time).

4. When we once discussed how she gets training, she said that although she has consulted and researched about DID, she has found when working with us that it is not much different from working with her other clients who are "in pain" and that the basics of the treatment plans for each of us still apply regardless of how they present to her and that our relationship to one another is similar to a family therapy situation. She says that while integration is sometimes a goal down the road, her primary goal in working with us right now is to get us each to a point where we feel stronger and healthier.


Anyway, I am sorry you are experiencing this trouble and would assume your first therapy with a new T will be grief work over the loss of that relationship. Grief work sucks but works (for me).

Also, I strongly believe that in dealing with all healthcare professionals (physical or mental), it has become an absolute necessity to shop around and I just prepare myself that it is probably going to take several tries to find a good one so that I don't get hurt so easily (I am referring to your new search here, not your a$$ T who dropped you like such a sh**hole after 3 years). I wish you all the luck.