Therapist forcing psychiatric consult . . .

Thank You for your kind words.

The mess has resulted in something very positive. Tonight I was so distraught that I disclosed my mental health condition to my SO. (voices, parts) .

A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

We have been together going on 5 years. She told me she knew. We spent the night talking and for the first time in a VERY long time I felt inner calm. She wants to be part of the treatment plan.

I am not angry with my T any longer. I think she may have felt over her head. Who knows what else was going on in her life. It doesn’t excuse how she handled the situation but I do forgive her. I believe she will be more cautious next time. This experience has been so intense for all involved I can be certain it will leave a lasting impression. LOL

I am in the process of looking for a DID specialist or a therapist trained in dissociation and trauma. Still looking at the pros and cons of psychiatry. I can’t believe I am saying this but psychiatry is also a possibility.

Yippee! Yay and great news.

We had no idea you had an SO you hard been hiding all this from!
What a burden lifted from your shoulders. For both you and your SO.
No wonder the stress of it all was getting to you!

I am so pleased she wants to be part of the treatment plan and also
That she already knew.
My SO was my treatment for a long time lol, I don't know how I would
Survive without her and in fact for a bit she was the only reason for me to survive.

Coming out to any one about major defining stuff is so scary but when it goes right it is
Life changing. I am so pleased you have some one to lean on and that you can trust.

Now you've told her,I hope you can both work together and help both of you out.

With a hoop, skip and a jump because we are so pleased for you both
river x

River, you are such a kind, gentle soul. Refreshing!

I hadn't told anyone about what I go through. Because I had to stand alone all of my life (no family or relatives) I learned to never disclose anything about my inner world. For me it meant possibly the end of being able to support myself. I also didn't know what was wrong with me. It led to a life of secrecy and isolation. My SO is the first SO I have ever lived with. I am very relieved I told her and that she is on board with everything. I am freer now than I have ever been. I can be myself and learn to love all of me instead of hiding away. X

It is nice to know that you have a very supportive SO who has stood by you. That is so hopeful! It sounds like the medical care and relationship you have with your T also forms a strong base for you. I love hearing hopeful and positive stories like yours. (I have been reading some of your threads). Keep writing. Keep sharing your life experiences. Your strength is a light for many. It was for me. Hugz to river and littles. X

That is great news, I am really glad you were able to share and felt understood by your SO. It is so so healing to be able to come out with our secrets and still be accepted and loved for who we are. Please find someone who has experience with DID and has a positive view of it!
Keep us posted!

Thank you Pob. It is difficult to find therapists experienced in high level dissociation BUT I tend to believe it will happen now that I have opened my world up more. This morning I had a conversation with the woman my 'previous' T was consulting with. The conversation was validating and I felt heard. It was a calm conversation. She is going to get some information for me at a community consulting meeting she is attending on Monday.

What are your feelings about working with a trauma therapist who is at an intermediate or lower level when it comes to dissociation but who is eager to learn and has the time to invest? Those are more easy to find. I don't want to go too long before seeing someone. I am ready now. I always believed trust to be the most important factor. Of course an experienced therapist in the area of dissociation is ideal BUT it is not everyone I connect with at a heart felt level?

I have to head out for work. I will be working into the night and will not be online until much later.

Have a great day! Thank you for your friendship.

radioactivepie wrote:What are your feelings about working with a trauma therapist who is at an intermediate or lower level when it comes to dissociation but who is eager to learn and has the time to invest? Those are more easy to find. I don't want to go too long before seeing someone. I am ready now. I always believed trust to be the most important factor. Of course an experienced therapist in the area of dissociation is ideal BUT it is not everyone I connect with at a heart felt level?

Sounds like you're taking positive steps I would say a therapist who is at an intermediate or lower level when it comes to dissociation but who is eager to learn and has the time to invest is ok. They will have someone to support them and yes will make mistakes but will go away, ask others how to do something, why something didn't work, or how to help. My last T sometimes tried some (strange to us) things like using sand or stones etc they really didn't work on us and our current T laughed when she heard she had tried. But I say, at least she tried, and now she knows it doesn't work!

Our (student) social worker has never met anyone with DID before and is interested and eager to learn. It's lovely to be able to talk to someone about them, explain things about us etc. We know she has someone senior she talks to about us who we're sure is helping her know how to handle us but we don't mind at all, in fact if another student comes along we'd be happy to be handed over to them as we feel that the more people get to meet people with DID who have an understanding, the more people will learn and be able to use that knowledge to in turn, help others. So we feel we're giving something back to the person helping us

I think it is very personal how you feel about this; it may have to do with the issues you are dealing with, and maybe with what you want to get out of therapy. Most important imo is that someone is ethical, listens well, does not have an agenda, is not in a rush, is not easily offended or defensive, maintains good boundaries, and is supportive of you.

I have a lot of bad experiences with therapists, and it has taken me many years to begin to trust my current one. For me, experience with DID is important, because I am not very knowledgeable about my system. I need someone who knows what they are doing. It's probably a good idea to write up for yourself what is important to (uniquely) you, also based on your current bad experience, and discuss this with any potential therapist.

In the end it is all about building a human relationship within which you feel safe and supported. Within that framework, a mistake here or there is not so big a deal. Understanding and respecting your needs is.

Good luck finding someone!

I totally agree with everything you said Debetoile. There are so few therapists who are trained and experienced in working with dissociative disorders.

I am not so hung up on finding a fully qualified T as much as finding a T who I connect with, who I know will never intentionally hurt me, who is eager to learn, and who has the time to commit. I NEED to feel in my heart that they will stick by me even if the going gets really tough.

Sickness and other pressures of life could cause them to have a change of plans at a later date and I understand that. I just need to believe they will not leave because of me or the stress it might bring. Mistakes will happen. It all comes with the learning.

I am now wondering if the lady T had been consulting with would be willing to work with ‘us’. She has some training, appears warm and professional.

There is such a NEED for trained therapists in the field of Dissociative Disorders that if therapists would take a leap of faith and become educated they would be in great demand. It would be of great benefit to themselves and to so many others.

Pob, I couldn’t have said it better. Those are the same qualities I seek in a therapist

“ethical, listens well, is not in a rush, is not easily offended or defensive, maintains good boundaries, and is supportive of you”.

I am also not that knowledgeable about my system. My SO feels she knows four of my parts. She knew more than me. It is amazing how other people can see us more clearly than we can see ourselves.

Indeed!

“In the end it is all about building a human relationship . . . where you feel safe and supported. Within that framework, a mistake here or there is not so big a deal.”

radioactivepie wrote:My SO feels she knows four of my parts. She knew more than me. It is amazing how other people can see us more clearly than we can see ourselves.

That is so typical! Do you feel a little foolish now about keeping this "terrible secret" for so long? Ironic, isn't it? I was quite vexed after I came out. All these years it felt like such a huge, huge risk to tell anyone about any of my strange experiences. And then when I finally took the risk the most common reaction was "And?" And I was like "Wah! I reveal to you that I'm a freak and all you say is "And?"...?!" So many of our significant others respond to our anxious disclosures with "Yes, I know. So?" or "That makes sense." The letdown sometimes is overwhelming.

Of course, in a really toxic, pathologically denying family of origin the reaction tends to be very different. Very toxic. In such a FOO it is not safe to reveal anything like this.

Re your search for a new therapist, congratulations on so much progress made. Some therapists do panic when faced with the reality of their first known DID client. This consultant therapist might be a good choice to work with you directly, or could supervise another therapist working with you.

Toward that end, I'll share a little bit about my history in therapy. My first therapist #1 lacked experience working with DID and for personal reasons was not able to accept my diagnosis. So I found #2 who had more training and experience working with DID, for #1 to consult or even obtain supervision. #1 did not contact #2. So after a few months I terminated with #1 and worked directly with #2 until #2's abrupt retirement due to poor health. Then I had to find yet another therapist.

Therapist #4, with whom I have been working for a year, is very experienced in her specialty and has encountered DID in passing many times but I am her first ongoing client with DID, so working with me is a learning experience for her. She has a peer group to consult about me, and I have recommended some articles and books to read. I am so glad that I was able to work for a time with #2; this gave me a good foundation for productive work with #4. And I like that by working with her now I am helping to expand the capacity of the local psychotherapy community to treat DID. Not only my current therapist but also her peer group is learning from this therapy.

I hope this helps you to feel encouraged, even excited, about your path forward. I am so very, very pleased for you.

Hey there

How is your search going? Di you contact the consulstant? Would be interesting to ask her what her advice to your original T was about how to handle the situation that occured? Might give you a good feel for what her ethics are.

Great about your SO and chatting about the parts they know - i was shocked at my partner knowing mine and infact how often i changed..... because of course when we lose time we are not gone...so our SO is often a witness.

Really hope things are going well


river