Therapist forcing psychiatric consult . . .

The mental health stigma leads to unfair judgements and makes it very difficult to get ahead professionally should people find out. I am 45 years of age. Like you, I kept this a secret for over 20 years. I felt if people knew that it would just be another burden for me to carry. I didn't see any good coming from it. In many ways I still don't. I will continue to tell few.

Like you, my parts have names. It was after my mother died last year that I realized the parts I hear are also parts I 'become'. In the past year I have learned more about my parts than I have in a lifetime. I will also add that 'we' are co-conscious with very little amnesia. It hasn't always been this way.

As a young teen and while under CPS care I was told I had a fractured mind. I was hospitalized and given sodium amytol treatments along with other 'stuff'. I didn't really know what a fractured mind meant. When I left CPS I also left Psychiatry. I didn't want a label and I was no longer prepared to take medication. My main focus became being passable. I didn't really know what was wrong with me. I was numbing out and had significant ongoing memory loss.

I had heard voices (infrequent though) as a kid - voices that held commentary and who I could converse with . I don't remember the voices from age 13 or so, to age 20. At age 20 I started hearing voices 24/7 but most of the time low and in the background. It scared me immensely. I didn't know what it was. I went further into hiding. My last T was the first person I told. I thought she was with me for the long haul. I trusted her.

It sounds like you have a positive relationship with your T one of mutual trust and respect. I never felt my T was available outside of office hours. And the few times I really needed her (over a period of almost 4 years) I felt like a burden. I think she was using aversion therapy. LOL Your T is the ideal and a dream for many!

When we once discussed how she gets training, she said that although she has consulted and researched about DID, she has found when working with us that it is not much different from working with her other clients who are "in pain" and that the basics of the treatment plans for each of us still apply regardless of how they present to her and that our relationship to one another is similar to a family therapy situation.

Is your T close to me? LOL My T asked me to not drop journals off but to instead do a synopsis. She also does family therapy. I wonder if she would ask a family to do a synopsis. All parts have to be heard and acknowledged. (Writing about her is paining me at the moment.)

I met with the new T today. She is very nice and an hours drive from the city. I will see her next week for another 90 minutes. She is open to seeing me on a long term weekly basis but she also provided me with the name of an experienced psychotherapist who is closer to me in proximity. She wants me to make the right decision. Until I make up my mind fully this new T is going to help me work through issues regarding my last T. Grief counselling. I like that she isn't rushing me. It shows respect.

Thank you for sharing your story with me. Best always.

radioactivepie wrote:The mental health stigma leads to unfair judgements and makes it very difficult to get ahead professionally should people find out.

Stigma exists, alas. However it has been my experience that certain people will make unfair judgements no matter what. I find sometimes it helps a lot to be up front about what is really going on with me. That can be reassuring for other people, or even an antidote to poisonous secretive back-stabbing gossips, who in the absence of concrete information about you will make up all kinds of bizarre lies. Such as that you are psychotic, a drug addict, dangerous, etc...

I used to pass (in the jargon of stigma management), but mostly because I had no idea there was anything all that odd going on with me. I was aware of symptoms so infrequently that I simply put them out of my mind. I assumed that most other people had similar strange experiences and saw no need to mention them. I think I could pass now, if I wanted to, but I don't want to. I want to be who and what I am, openly.

Well, the reality is that many other people in fact do have similar experiences and keep it to themselves. Many live in shame and fear of discovery and consequent stigma and discrimination. Right now there is a woman I sometimes have to deal with at work who has become over-the-top hostile toward me. My intuition says she is trying to hide some kind of mental health problem, whereas I am out about my diagnosis, and for some reason my being out frightens her. Obviously the woman has a severe problem; the only question is what kind.

radioactivepie wrote:As a young teen and while under CPS care I was told I had a fractured mind. I was hospitalized and given sodium amytol treatments along with other 'stuff'.

That was common practice in the 1980's. Not done much any more.

For what it's worth, these days medication is far less popular for DID. Only one of my therapists has even suggested medications for me and it was only offered as a temporary measure while I got my anxiety under control. Learning all about DID is how I lowered my anxiety.

The new T you are interviewing sounds like a good option for you. I hope you do interview the closer therapist she recommended as well; you might like that one even better. Plus, they are acquainted and may support one another.

I am glad you are getting a new support network in place. It sounds like it is even better than you just came out of.

I did forget to mention a couple points that I just thought of after this last post.

1. Some of the insiders do still struggle with trust issues with her on a regular basis. (Not me)
2. My T also discourages the use of letters. I mean she always wants us to read them to her though if someone is very distraught about it she will read them. Once we had a funny dialogue about how I always want to make sure she gets ALL the details of a problem and she kind of said (kindly) that well she really doesnt need that level of detail to get at the root of issues and help me but that she is willing to work how I need (she said I am her first client who ever truly benefitted from a two hour session)

It must be difficult for you Una to work with her. Toxic environments suck. Hopefully you don’t have to see her often. DID is hard to understand for the majority of people. Not that you are scary BUT maybe she is afraid of the diagnosis. As human beings we tend to feel close to those who are like ourselves and dislike or fear that which is different. It doesn’t make her actions right. Have you considered speaking with HR or a superior about the situation? Document.

I admire your strength in disclosing your status to those who you feel have a need to know. I could never . . . or at least not now. The stigma is a huge concern for me. Though I do not disclose I am still true to myself and others. It is just I have to socialize in ‘smaller’ doses, and choose friends or acquaintances carefully. In no way am I saying this is better than disclosing. They can both come with tremendous cost to self.

Learning about DID does help a lot. Also, I find talking to people like you a huge source of support. It is liberating to be able to converse without fear, to be who we are and to be understood by others. The internet has positives. 

I am the same way, InfinitiD. I had a strong need for my T to really feel and understand exactly where I was coming from. It was like OCD and time consuming especially with perspective and state changes. It was also maddening and made therapy painful. And for clarification, it was journals, not letters. Is that the same thing? LOL

To Una, radioactivepie wrote:Have you considered speaking with HR or a superior about the situation? Document.

Yes and yes. The problem person now is being managed by others and not bothering me. Unfortunately this just means the aggravation now belongs to someone else, as the problem behavior is continuing.

To Una, radioactivepie wrote:I admire your strength in disclosing your status to those who you feel have a need to know. I could never . . . or at least not now.

What is right for me is not necessarily right for you. For me, disclosing made a lot of sense. It was necessary to mitigate problems. My switching is apparent. Also, I am aware of other multiples in my community who are in the closet yet I see them switch overtly and I hear what others say about their odd behavior. Let's just say that when it is easy to see there is a problem I would rather that people also know what the problem is. That way, there is a chance they will inform themselves rather than make up silly theories based on TV movies and rumor!

True.

I feel very frustrated. Last week I made a second appointment with the T for this Friday. Upon arriving home I realized I had double booked. My rescheduled appointment is not for three weeks. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something . . . Run. So much resentment below the surface towards my old T. I have been in bed for two days with severe stomach pain. Little escape from this agonizing rawness of emotion and heart.

Awesome day! I met with my 'new' T this morning for the second time and I am scheduled a ways ahead for weekly visits. She is experienced and appears to be a good fit. I signed release of information forms for her to contact my previous T. This should provide a certain element of closure. I am not as upset and the hurt doesn't hurt as much. With each passing day it gets easier.

I want to thank everyone for their feedback over the past 6 weeks. It means a lot. X

I/we're so pleased that you seem to like/get along with this new T

Thanks. I will be seeing her again tomorrow. Feeling more hopeful. Much gratitude. X