Therapist forcing psychiatric consult . . .

Sending you safe hugs. Have you seen the policies from either the place she works or the governing body. In the UK counsellors have to sign up and agree to guidelines set by somewhere like BCAP (argh can't remember their name at all). Anyway, the governing body policy says that they will make sure the client comes to no harm. If they can no longer work with the client they will do their best to minimise harm etc. Would be worth reading and reporting her as I don't feel she is behaving in a professional manner....may also be worth putting a complaint into the place she works to stop it happening to others as leaving you when she knows you are in crisis is appauling.

Thinking of you (hugs)

"I am not in the UK, River" . . . is what I meant to say.

Hi Deb,
I have not seen the policies but I know her actions to be unethical and totally irresponsible. They are similar to your standards in the UK. I am so offended, hurt and betrayed. I don’t know what she is thinking. I just left a message for the social worker she often consulted with. I have never met her but I let her know what had happened. I need support until I can see someone else. If the social worker she consulted with (I do not know her but she works for the same practice) does not return my call I will be taking this another step. You are right. This should never happen to anyone. Hugz So appreciate the support.

Dear radioactivepie,

I think your therapist was not, and does not seem capable, of helping you, and from what you have shared, there is nothing wrong with what you have done. Although very complicated, there is nothing wrong with having the issues that you have, it is NOT your fault that this happened, and it is not your fault that this happened after 3 years of working with your therapist.

It might be that sharing more of what is happening inside of you has scared other parts in you, but ultimately you all have now established that this is not the right therapist for you. She does not seem experienced and stable enough.

I have had a similar experience (after about 1 year with a therapist) which has hurt me tremendously and it got me in a grave depression. Fortunately for me, I was able to go back to a previous therapist who had helped me out for about a year and a half before. Before I made that decision, I also inquired with yet another therapist I had worked with for a recommendation for a therapist who could treat "a borderline" which is what this last therapist had said I "was" (without further explanation).

It is not easy to find a good therapist, but they are out there. In my case, I had a little more awareness of apparently really being a complicated client (not just in my imagination), and I forced myself to research and inquire and discuss this before making a decision about a therapist. I was not aware of my DID at that point.

You seem to have a good awareness of the issues that you are dealing with, so it should be easier to find a therapist who has actual experience with DID. I hope you do, I do think you (we all) need, and deserve it. When you find someone, I hope you will be able to discuss these bad experiences, and the responses of your new therapist should be helpful for determining if he/she will be able to help you. They should be supportive, balanced, make you feel understood, reasonably good, and give you a sense of trust (not wanting to trust, but an actual sense of trust, however fragile).

A good signal for me is that my therapist is never over-confident. That would signal ulterior motives to me, or an effort to dismiss uncomfortable feelings. He might be confident, but it is my job to develop the required trust in him to do the difficult therapy work. It is not his job in any way to convince me of anything, including taking psychiatric tests. No forcing is ever good. My therapist has explained that many don't like, or are not able to work with "the most difficult" clients, and therefore label them borderlines. Some are too busy or too lazy to develop a good understanding of complex ptsd. It requires a high level of commitment of a therapist, and therapists are people (with human shortcomings) too.

My therapist consulted a more experienced therapist when he first started working with people with DID (20 years ago) and he did the necessary homework to understand and read as much as possible. He sometimes shares bits and pieces of experience he has had with other clients with DID for the purpose of giving examples for understanding, or for some kind of reassurance.

I see developing trust, besides processing past experiences, as the most important task/job for us in therapy. It is for me. It has many many layers, and in the process of developing trust in my therapist, I am gaining trust in myself as well. It does require a trustworthy and committed therapist.

I am very sorry you are going through this experience. Don't give up hope for healing and a better life, though. It is possible, and I wish you all the best in finding a better therapist.

Take care,
pob

Thank you Pob for your kind and supportive words. Hugz

I don’t think it is my fault that this happened but it makes me upset and wired inside. So much discord and feelings of unease. Not a proper closure.

I thought my therapist and I were close until last Friday. In session she always made me feel understood and I did trust her. Something changed in her. I think my case involves study, longer hours, more work, and less money – considering the time. Do you know I thought I was a good client? I never blamed her for anything, always apologized for any perceived wrongdoing, never became angry with her (except for two days ago ), never idealized her – I knew her limitations. I was also there every week with no cancellations. It was the relationship I had with her that I thought would make all the difference.

There is no doubt my parts were coming out more. There was an aching need to connect and stay connected to T. It was also difficult especially in recent weeks with unfamiliar feelings and memories surfacing along with fairly rapid changes in state. It became intensely uncomfortable and was even more pronounced when she went away for a couple of weeks. This was when I called her in crisis. She made matters so much worse.

Hugz

Hey there,

Ok you need to make a complaint. So unprofessional.

You are not cursed, these things are sent to try us and try us they will!

at least because of all this, you found this forum and honest people who understand yours symptoms to talk to.

Please don't give up. You sound like and I could be wrong but, you skid like you know therapy was helping it was your therapist that wasn't!

Your paying for private help, which means you have the pick of the crop.as much as you want to shut down maybe now is the time to reach out? Do some research in your country, where ever it is lol! Focus on getting better and proving her wrong.

SHE IS THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM

I told you so . You are strong, you survived a life of crap. You can survive this and come out on top.

Write that complaint, find a new t and kick some butt!

River

Hey again, was half alseep last night when i read your post

I don’t think it is my fault that this happened but it makes me upset and wired inside. So much discord and feelings of unease. Not a proper closure.

This feeling sucks - for people that are fragmented and have problems wwith emotional regulation already... it's not nice at all. All shrinks are ment to have a 'good bye' session where you look back and move on etc. Give me her number! lol - i'll let my bulldog out on her


I thought my therapist and I were close until last Friday. In session she always made me feel understood and I did trust her. Something changed in her. I think my case involves study, longer hours, more work, and less money – considering the time.

I'm glad you said some thing changed in her and that you know its not your fault. She is blantantly not up to her job title. Make that complaint and save this happening to others.



Do you know I thought I was a good client? I never blamed her for anything, always apologized for any perceived wrongdoing, never became angry with her (except for two days ago ), never idealized her – I knew her limitations. I was also there every week with no cancellations. It was the relationship I had with her that I thought would make all the difference.


Seem's like you was a good client, like you said she was the one with the problem. She's not a good T.
Apparently she was the one that didnt realise her limitations!!

There is no doubt my parts were coming out more. There was an aching need to connect and stay connected to T. It was also difficult especially in recent weeks with unfamiliar feelings and memories surfacing along with fairly rapid changes in state.

Let your parts come out to us on here, its safe and your not relying on one person and its cheaper!


It became intensely uncomfortable and was even more pronounced when she went away for a couple of weeks. This was when I called her in crisis. She made matters so much worse.


She is ment to be the one you call in crisis, she is ment to pick up messages when she is away just in case this happens! what if one of her patients were suicidal? It is her responcibility to give you other numbers to call if she is she is not availble!


I hope you have managed the day ok and that you can see a way through all of this.

kind thoughts and wishes

river and co expecially bulldog! sorry Jake...thats his name ..nickname is bulldog! lol

I just got off the phone with the lady she had been consulting with on my case. I told her as much as I could in the limited phone time. Because of potential conflict she did not talk or provide feedback. Her last words were for me to go to hospital emergency if I felt the need to do so. I am not sure where it stands now or what will be done, if anything. I was too upset by being told to go to emergency if I needed to, that I ended the call. I will wait and see before deciding my next move. If I learn she recognize s where she neglected her ethical and moral responsibilities and the impact these sort of actions have on the mental state of a client especially a client in crisis than it might be enough to ensure she does not do this to another. If she cannot see the error of her ways than it will be bound to repeat itself. It will force me down another road with her. This is all too serious to run from. My strong spiritual beliefs always leave me with some strength. [/b][/b][/b]

I'm glad you said something changed in her and that you know it’s not your fault. She is blatantly not up to her job title. Make that complaint and save this happening to others.[b]

I believe she had been up to the task but for possibly several reasons gave up on me and placed other needs before compassion. She knew it would cut me to the core but it no longer mattered.

Apparently she was the one that didnt realise her limitations!

I would have accepted her limitations and moved on to another therapist if she had of been completely honest instead of manipulative. I am instead left with strong feelings of being betrayed. Parts of me are hurting and feel foolish for trusting her.

Let your parts come out to us on here, its safe and your not relying on one person and its cheaper!

LOL Funny but true. Hugz to you and your littles. Blessings! X

She is meant to be the one you call in crisis, she is meant to pick up messages when she is away just in case this happens! What if one of her patients were suicidal?

Indeed! I hadn’t given it much thought until last night. I never felt I could really reach out to her for anything outside of hours. She wouldn’t return calls unless specifically asked to do so. It didn’t matter my emotional state. I always struggled with contacting her during a crisis and rarely did. I left normal update messages at times. Maybe that bothered her too. I am now reminded of last year when she read a voicemail I left for her - verbatim - and later in another session brought it up and apologized saying she should not have shamed me like that. I had not been feeling shame. Now I am thinking she was trying to shame me and intentionally drawing my attention to it. When people are mean, they suck.


It is her responcibility to give you other numbers to call if she is she is not available!

She gave me numbers to crisis lines , community agencies and hospital emergency. I never use them. I don’t know how to explain my mind to anyone. I could be ready to drop off a cliff and people tend to not notice. My insides don’t match my outside which can lead to not being taken seriously. I look like I have my $#%^ together. I also fear doctors and hospitals. It is not an easy thing to do.

Have a great day to you and yours. I love the name Jake! Hugz to you my friend.

Update: T just called. She is couriering a package of information here tonight or tomorrow. She told me it will be the last time we speak. She admitted to no wrongdoing and feels justified with her actions. Mind boggling. No matter how she re-frames it, it will never make it right. She will have to live with herself. I need to look into how the firm she works at handles such issues.

I worry about the psychological damage she can potentially inflict on another client who may not handle it as well. One can not change that which they cannot see. I don't know if she is playing ignorant to cover up. I can only hope she will not repeat this with anyone else.

I am not finished with the matter yet. It won't be swept under the rug.

I'm sorry you felt violated? betrayed? rejected? by your therapist. I'm very fortunate to have a therapist and psychiatrist who treat DID and consult with each other. Perhaps you can find out who your therapist was consulting with and seek therapy with them. It sounds like you have overcome a great deal in your life. You deserve to have positive, supportive people in your life.

radioactivepie wrote:Update: T just called. She is couriering a package of information here tonight or tomorrow. She told me it will be the last time we speak. She admitted to no wrongdoing and feels justified with her actions. Mind boggling. No matter how she re-frames it, it will never make it right. She will have to live with herself. I need to look into how the firm she works at handles such issues.

I worry about the psychological damage she can potentially inflict on another client who may not handle it as well. One can not change that which they cannot see. I don't know if she is playing ignorant to cover up. I can only hope she will not repeat this with anyone else.

I am not finished with the matter yet. It won't be swept under the rug.

Depending on where you live, there are options to report her for exactly the purpose you mention. From what my current therapist told me, it is confidential, and the other party will be heard as well (separately). This is within the professional organization that your therapist (counselor) belongs to (in the US). I found it too hard to do, and diverting from my current focus, so I didn't. I also was not sure how much of this professional organization would be enlightened enough to believe anything of what I would say, or just provide me with another experience of being labeled and blamed. On the other hand, being believed and taken seriously, would have been an important healing experience.

If I take myself seriously and think of the possible damage she might be doing to others, I feel I should have. I still might, don't know if these things have an expiration date. It's been about 5 years ago.

Give reporting a thought. It might help you move forward.

-- Jan 22nd, '14, 22:17 --

PS: the good thing about reporting is that it is on file, in case something happens and gets reported again.

-- Jan 22nd, '14, 22:18 --

PS2: And "confidentiality" is of course... hm... not sure what to think about that unless it rains complaints.