How are you today thread (trigger warning)

We hope that your friend is alright, but our condolences if not. Please be well yourself.

We too hope your friend was ok.

Our insiders were a bit triggered yesterday afternoon as an ambulance pulled up right at the top of our driveway, they were going to a neighbour though. I went out to see if they needed anyone to take the ladies dog in case they needed to take her to hospital but the ladies helper was there and was taking her dog to their house.

I told the window cleaners when they came around today but they'd already done hers and pushed the receipt through the letterbox. The ladies helper will probably sort it out if she has to return to collect more food for the dog or something.

Kit and the littles felt 'unsettled' for bit but nobody went into 'panic mode' and they're all fine now. - J

I was just writing something on another post and something just came to me! ...... Kit represents the 'more emotional autistic me' ... I (Jay) appear to be like a newer 'social face mask'...that includes the most recent life events that has impacted us personality wise (ie after the mini strokes) but is the 'self' that the outside world see's now.

I would imagine they see just a middle aged disabled woman visually as the autism can't be seen as Kit never appears in front of others but the physical issues can.

Kit and Bobby 'come out' as so different because they exclusively only come out when alone where we don't have to 'tone down' autistic interests to appear 'more normal'.. ie we live alone so if we want to play on the switch all day we do (after Mr Woof is taken care of). They represent the freedom of not being told 'that's not age appropriate' etc.

We are down to 3 subsystems.....

The ones who identified with the original birth name and are still with us, all live together on 'The Sanctuary Farm' (inner world) with ..
the Changelings who now mostly represent past people (spirits of loved ones who have since passed or fav TV characters of the 'littles')
The Fronting Team' - now myself (Jay), Kit and SG - the future (myself as 'new host'), the 'truer inner self' ( ie Kit - more autistic traits/desires that have to stay hidden in public) and the beliefs and spirits most important to us (SG - Spirit Guardian who visually presents as whoever is most needed in that moment).

I wonder if the peri-menopause is coming to an end and I (Jay) represent the self that has evolved and emerged after going through all that?

The arms tattoo is finished! The latest bits are drawn, the tiny bits needing patching up are patched up. I feel complete and whole. Very anchored and very "me". I'm not completely sure who "me" is as a whole but it feels good to discover who "me" is as a whole. Things are very quiet inside lately. David and Theia spend a lot of time caring for Pride and I feel at peace and confident and queer and happy. Also, I am trying to grow a beard and I think I look awesome in beard and lipstick.

For the kitchen, the social worker and I planned the stuff that needs be done to get to the higher justice instances and we split it among the two of us. It feels good to have stuff planned and organized.

I was supposed to get a parcel today but I missed the delivery by 2 mins argh. I hope I can pick it up at the pickup place early saturday, because friends and I co-ordered the stuff and I'll see one of them saturday for brunch.

I tend to get a bit disorganized (ADHD power) but without the anxiety. My girlfriend gives me gentle reminders when she notices I start to get sidetracked and it helps a lot.

I feel a bit guilty for not being able to help her with her own stuff more than giving moral support and being here to listen, but I also have the maturity to realize that it's the healthier thing to do. Allow her to manage her stuff and cheering for her. I enjoy that we can talk together about these feelings, too, as well as giving each-other feedback on what helps what does not, thank each-other for what helps, and so on. We listen, we discuss, and it feels good and safe.

Neither of us really knows if it is "romantic love" per se but it is safe attachement and that's all that matters.

Arbremonde...I'm glad that things are going pretty well for now. As for romantic love...well, what is love? One of my favorite literary couples are Sam and Sybil Vimes in the Discworld novels. They didn't have the 'romantic love' kind of story. They met later in life and loved each other. They were comfortable with each other and knew they loved each other as friends as well as husband and wife. Sometimes love is just being friends and comfortable with each other showing signs of affection here and there.

Someday, I still hope we'll find love.

Beyond that...at least the new meds are making our body feel better. I wrote a lot more in my thread.

Take care,
Vi

ArbreMonde--hooray for the arm tattoo and the progress on the kitchen issue!!

Vi--we're listening to "Snuff" right now. We like Sam and Sybil as well. And Carrot and Angua. There are all kinds of examples of nontraditional couples in those books!

So glad we were friends with the husband before becoming a couple. There are issues and problems, but overall we're very lucky to have him as such a constant support. He's away right now, but he cleaned up all of his stuff and the kitchen before he left. We're trying to spend more time being grateful for what we have rather than always finding fault with things.

On another topic, we're hoping to do some things for the littles today. We're about to get dressed and go to an arcade and a little amusement park for a bit. We used to spend a lot of time in arcades as a kid. We think this one has Whack-A-Mole which we like and are very good at. So we'll see how it goes. There's still time later today for chores and exercising and all the boring daily stuff.

We hope you all enjoyed the arcade.

The Discworld novels are wonderful. We still reread many of them and the helped to inspire our own writing.

Today is another day out. Turns out that we react badly to one of the medications our doctor prescribed. Luckily, it isn't a vital one.

Take care,
Vi

@ArbreMonde: glad you got your tattoo finished and things are going well

@ViTheta: I never read the books but I played the Discworld game on Playstation years ago

@TheGangsAllHere: We used to love the arcades too. When they were quiet though...out of season otherwise rarely got chance to play on some stuff (like the driving simulators) due to the queues.

All Quiet here! Woke up just me (Kit) ...Jay is inside spending time with Jody. Yuna and Juno seem to have taken LS to visit Bobby. The whole system feels much calmer and happier.

Meanwhile In the outside world! ...I took Mr Woof through the woods, to see the ducks, take some nature photo's and let him play with his ball in the field just behind the lake. Just been checking we've got everything in that we need for winter now, making sure emergency lighting works etc. We often get powercuts in heavy winds or snowstorms.

I plan to devote the year of my 40th birthday to reading the Discworld series. If I listened to myself I would start it right here and now buuuut I have a lot of books to read already and if I add more paper books to my TBR mountain of books it's going to be a problem on many levels. (anxiety, space, money...)

I have almost finished my NaNoWriMo wordcount (50k words since it's november event) I think I'll reach the 100k by the end of the month. A lot of friends are interested by my project because a lot of them have read the original books when they were kids and want to see what I can do of them as well as the comments I can have about the original. I broke a few childhood memories by pointing out the racist undertone of the original though. Oopsie.

It is also impressive to see how I get exhausted from doing just a few things that non-disabled people find easy to do. I do the bare minimum and write during 2-3 hours and boom, I'm at the end of my abilities.

Frustrating. But also eyes-opening. I see better where my limits are. I understand better where my limits are. So I can better respect them and it's better on the long run.

I have several of his books in French, German, Welsh and Japanese. I think they actually belong to Octavia. She seems to love languages.

I find it interesting how autism works. I could spend my whole day writing (so long as I don't get distracted) and feel refreshed, but I do something else like housework and I feel like I burn through my energy in minutes. Thinking about maths is taxing too.

When I get a new computer, I'm going to have to get one of those keyboards that sounds like a typewriter. I find that relaxing.

Today I see the eye doctor. Which means that Beth will be out again. I may try to get her to talk some more, but that seems difficult lately.

Take care,
Vi